Stomach Flu

It's the pits!

This is not the way I wanted to end Christmas and start my New Year. Hopefully, the Dr. will be able to prescribe something, anything, to ease my suffering when I have my appointment this afternoon.

It's in the Cards

Here are the Christmas cards I have received so far this year. I send out cards because it's something I like to do, and it's a way to connect-at least once a year-to those I care about. It means even more to me when I receive cards in return.

Several of these cards are from YOU, my Internet friends. Though I've never met any of you in person, nor heard your voice over a phone line, we've connected and bonded in a way I rarely do with those I see in the everyday. Several of you have known me for at least 4 or 5 years-the "B1" days. Most of you have moved on from infertility, and have already created a family, or are in the process of doing so. Just the fact that we can stay in touch-after all this time-and still wish each other well, fills my heart with a joy and love I cannot adequately describe. I know you may think it's "just a card", but to me, it's a symbol of love.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, and wish you all the best this Holiday Season.

Oh! So THAT's What I'm Getting for Christmas!!

NSFW. So go home, turn up your speakers, and prepare to laugh your ass off!

"Holiday Road"

Well, folks, as you can tell, I've been too busy to blog lately. Also, there really hasn't been much to say. So, I think I'm going to take a blogging break until I return from my trip to DC to see my in-laws on January 14. I may post once or twice in that time frame, but it will be just a little something to let you know I'm still around.

Hopefully, I'll have more to say in the New Year.

In the meantime, allow myself, my family, and Mr. Hankey (along with all the other South Park kids) wish you and yours a Very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah (what's left of it), Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, be Merry, and don't drink and dial!

Comment Problems *UPDATED*

Update:

Well, looks like whatever the problem was, is now fixed!! Huzzah!

For some reason, Blogger is not letting people w/o the beta accounts comment on my page. I don't know why, since I made the switch a while back, and have had comments from these same people since then.

If you can't comment under your usual name, just choose "anonymous" and sign your name to the comment. Hopefully, they'll fix whatever the issue is soon.

Thanks!

Ties That Bind

If you've read me long enough you'll know that my best friend, Aimee, is having a baby boy in March. His name will be Isaiah.

What you don't know is that I am Aimee's birth coach/partner. For the first time, I'll get to be in the delivery room when new life is brought forth. I'll see Isaiah take his first breath, and hear his cry. Of course, the father will also be there, but because he attends school during the day and works full time at night, he couldn't attend the pre-natal and birthing classes, and that's where I come in.

We've only had 2 classes so far, but they have been extremely enlightening. I've learned a lot about pre-natal nutrition and development. I've also come to another startling realization-even though I cannot see him, and can only feel his movements externally, I'm already in love with this baby. By investing so much of my time in learning about his growth and development, by being the first person (besides his mother) to view and hear his heartbeat, by witnessing the changes he's bringing to his mother's body, by helping to prepare his nursery and layette, I'm forming an external bond in my heart with this child who shares no familial ties to myself. I cannot wait to hold him, kiss him, care for him, alongside his parents.

Another positive realization is: I can participate in the pregnancy and not feel envy or sorrow. I'm excited, not sad. There was a time, not too long ago when this would not have been possible. My emotional growth and well being are another sign of how ready and accepting I am of adoption. These classes are also educating me about the changes that will happen to my child's birth mother, and reinforces to me how much of a sacrifice placing her child with me really is. I can only hope that I honor my birthmother with the appropriate level of love and respect she truly deserves.

In the meantime, I have little Isaiah to keep me occupied, and I can't wait to meet this newest member of my "family of choice".

Gonna Need A Latte

To get through today. It's 1:30 am and I'm still wide awake. I'm like this every freakin' Sunday evening. Thank god for Star*bucks, without their Venti Latte's I'd never make it through my Mondays.

I'm so desperate for entertainment, I resorted to watching this tonight. Yep, it's that bad. Damn Duggars.

Wish me luck (and rest!)

Do Overs?

My friend Aitch asks: "If you could go back [10 years], what would you tell yourself?" Great question. Here's what I said:

I’d definitely go back in time and tell myself:

1) Stop being so effing dramatic-it’s stupid and tiresome.

2) Get your finances in order!! Avoid huge amounts of debt later in life this way!

3) GO TO COLLEGE!!

4) Stop spending money on birth control, you don’t need it, you’re both infertile!! Take that money and pay off bills!!

5) Don’t depend on your mother for *anything*. She will consistantly let you down. Also, don’t let her steal your wedding photos, and take ALOT longer in planning your wedding, so it can be the one you’ve dreamed of, not the shitfest it was.

6) Your boyfriend (now hubby) loves you. More than life itself. Get some self-esteem and stop doubting it. He will spend the rest of his life with you, and you’ll never regret it.

7) Keep a clean house!! You’re a pig!!

8) Learn to let shit slide. Really, every little thing doesn’t have to get blown out of proportion and turn into a screaming match.

9) For God’s sake, you’re thin now!!! Stop eating junk, you’ll get really, really, REALLY fat if you don’t start working out now!!

10) Your boyfriend’s parents (my in-laws) like you, they just wish you’d stop being so dramatic. They’ll really love you later, and you’ll love them back.

Wow, guess there’s a lot I would change. But, that’s maturity for you!

Snow Day!

Thanks to a winter storm blasting through my state, Jake and I didn't have to go to work today-Hooray!!!

So, I'm filling my day up with laundry, present wrapping, internet surfing, and crap t.v. All in all, a great way to spend the day. I hope that wherever you are, you are warm, snug, and with a loved one. Have some hot cocoa, sit back, and enjoy the Winter Wonderland.

Also, this is my last NaBloPoMo post!!! I managed to post everyday this month, despite how difficult it was at times to come up with subject matter, and a few times, I was posting just before midnight to make the deadline. Needless to say, you may notice a drop off in posts for awhile. It's the Holiday Season, and I'm super busy until the middle of January. I'll try to post when I can, but definitely not daily. It's been fun, and I hope you've enjoyed my daily posts, I know I have yours. Congrats to all who stepped up to this challange and completed it.

See you later, Taters!!

Cheese With My Whine?

I have a sinus/upper respiratory infection AGAIN. This is what? The 3rd or 4th time this year? Seriously, it's getting old.

Oh, you know me!! Nothing more I love than walking around feeling like an elephant is sitting on my face and chest, using my rescue inhalor 2 or 3 times a day, rubbing my nose raw from constantly blowing it. It's a joy!

Of course, being the stubborn cow that I am, I wait too long to go to the doctor, so by the time I get some decent medicine in me, the infection is much worse than what it would've been had, I seen a doctor sooner. So, I've scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. Although, we're about to get a blast of winter weather with snow and freezing rain, and people here tend to panic in any kind of inclimate weather, so I'm hoping my Dr. doesn't close his office before I can get my "feel good" fix.

How about you? Any of you out there dealing with "the crud"? Or winter weather? Both?

New Tunes Needs Your Help!

Hey everyone!

I really need your help in finding some new music to profile for "New Tunes" each week. I usually stumble across the artists I profile through other websites, but I haven't seen anything interesting lately.

If you know of a band or artist (popular, indie, whatever-any genre) that you think I should post about-let me know! If you have a link to their website or somewhere else where I could hear a sample of the music, add that to your comment as well.

I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with!

Infertility Humor

Courtesy of Married to the Sea:

Shhhhhhh! Don't Tell My Husband, But...

...last night I had a dream that I was dating Brad Pitt. Apparently he and Angelina had split up, and they shared joint custody over their children, so I got to meet them as well. Brad was so awesome, and he and I would sit around and discuss humanitarian issues, and plan our trips around the world.

During a private party, his buddy George Clooney (sigh...Sexiest Man Alive INDEED) slipped me his number, and I just cracked up. I mean, having Brad Pitt be attracted to me was one thing, but adding George to the mix was too much! Brad didn't take too kindly to his friend trying to hit on me, but it turned out George was just making sure that I was loyal to Brad-a test, so to speak.

The dream had rather *ahem* explicit moments, and I was rather annoyed to be awaken by my dogs.

However, when I did awaken, I rolled over to see the most handsome man of all already in my bed, my darling hubby, Jake. And reality, my friends, is so much better than the fantasy.

Really, though, can you blame a girl for dreaming of these guys:

Yeah, I didn't think so.

How I Spent My Saturday

Taking photos in the park of my sisters, nephew and BFF, Aimee:

Trinity

Stacia

Cassidy

Caleb

Aimee

Tannenbaum, Oh Tannenbaum

Getting ready to put up my tree! Photos will be posted later.

*Updated* Here's the photos!

(Ok, I know it's in a weird spot, but I have a small living room, and it's the only place we could fit the tree without moving all of our electronics.)

Here are some of the ornaments:

Te Amo Mi Familia

For "Love Thursday":

(Top Row: Jake & I; my sisters Cassidy and Stacia with my nephew Caleb; my dad Chris; 2nd Row: my niece Leah, my brother DJ, my SIL's sister Meggie (who's like a little sis to me), my mom Naomi; 3rd Row: my nephew Caleb, my sister Trinity, my SIL Audrey, my sister Stacia, and my sister Cassidy)

Like many of you, I'll be spending this Thanksgiving with my loved ones, stuffing my face full of delicious home cooking, and feeling ever grateful that I'm able to do so. My family can be at times irritating, as all families are, but I wouldn't trade them and their unconditional love of me for anything. Let's all enjoy and appreciate this holiday season with our loved ones, and remember those who are unable to do the same.

Happy Love Thursday and Thanksgiving!!

(PS: I also love pumpkin pie with french vanilla Cool Whip, just had to throw that one in there.)

Past, Present and Future

Today I had my "annual" appointment with my RE/Ob-Gyn, and as I sat waiting in the lobby for my name to be called, I looked around at my fellow patients, as most people do.

There were three other women there alone, and three couples. Seeing as how my RE runs the local fertility clinic that was housed in the same office, and the fact that none of these women were visibly pregnant, it wasn't hard to figure out what they were here for. Here were my fellow infertiles.

The three couples and myself were called back at the same time. While we waited in the long hallway to be assigned to our perspective rooms, the couples all looked at the photos on the wall of the babies my doctor helped to conceive and deliver. In their eyes I saw the hope, and heard in their minds "This could be us. We can be this lucky. This doctor will help us have a baby." As my heart broke a little for them, that they even had to use ART to achieve their dream of a family, I came to the realization that I'm not really one of "them" anymore. I am no longer relying on technology to help me build my family. I'm counting on the brave decision of a wonderful woman to place her child with me. I felt removed, apart, from these couples. However, I still remember what it's like to be them. To hope that this doctor will have the answers for them, to dream that they'll finally become pregnant and carry a child to term. That's not me anymore, and I'm glad. Infertility, while always a medical part of who I am, no longer defines me. It's my past, who I was, not who I am now. I no longer imagine the big red "I" on my chest, declaring my inability to bear a child.

I'll admit, that when looking at the photos of the babies and happy families, my heart twinged, just a little, then no more. My present is one where I am happy with who I am now, and glad to have my husband and our dogs as our family at this time. We are working hard, paying off debt, building credit, and hopefully, within the next year, buying the home that we'll bring our child home to, where we'll have our own happy family photos to display. My present is full of plans for my future.

That future-adoption, is one I am embracing with open eyes and a glad heart. I felt a bit smug at knowing how my child will come to me, that question being answered for me when we made our decision not to pursue ART, but to adopt a child. Sure, my husband and I will never know what it is to conceive a child, someone else will do that for us. We'll never see our combined features reflected in the face of our children, but we'll see their own beautiful faces none the less. I may have no say so over my child's nature, but I'll nurture him or her with all the love in my heart.

As I walked out of the examination area, and back into the waiting room, I locked eyes with another couple who had come in, waiting anxiously for their turn. I gave them a small smile, and a mental wish for their success, whatever way that may come.

Eh...

Since I really don't have anything to blog about today, allow me to distract you with this absurdly cute photo of my niece when she was 4 months old:




Is it working?

Sad News

My Grandmother passed away today from cancer. Unfortunately, she was in alot of pain, so her passing was not a peaceful one. Your kind thoughts for my Grandfather and my family are appreciated during this time.

Thank you.

Busy Lil' Bee

Just now having time to post, after a whirlwind weekend of shopping, babies, and chocolate consumption, I am home. And bored.

However, I'm using my remaining vacation time for the year to have all of this week off so I can catch up on some things I've been putting off, like putting stuff up on ebay for sale, getting my "annual" exam, and of course, preparing for the Turkey Day feast on Thursday.

I'm not going to be able to do as much shopping as I'd hope on Black Friday, funds being low and all, but I did score some really great deals this weekend at Big Lots and Tar*get's clearance racks, so I really don't have that much more to buy.

Guess that's all for now! Have a great week!

It's Still Saturday

So I've made the deadline for NaBloPoMo. I have a terrible sinus headache, and am going back to bed. See you tomorrow!

Hey Internets!! Can You Help???

I'm the kind of gal who tries to help out where and when I can, and I've recently come across two situations that I hope you can help me with.

Both involve women with young children who have left their abusive partners. Both women are desperate for any help they can receive, and one of them is pregnant with her third child. I'm gathering what I can to send to both of these women, but I hoped that perhaps some of you out there would have some items you could send as well.

If you've never been in an abusive situation, you have no idea what a nightmare it is. My birth father (I call him that because I consider my stepfather to be my "Dad") was physically and emotionally abusive to my mother for the duration of their 12 years together. That is not something a young girl should have to grow up with, and I am determined to help out any woman who is brave enough to leave that situation for the betterment of herself and her children. In the spirit of sisterhood, we should all stand together and help those women who need it the most.

(Just so you know the family dynamics, one of the ladies has a 1 yr old daugter and a 3 y.o. son in TX; the other is pregnant and has a 2 and an 8 yr. old boy in KS.)

The following items are needed or would be of great assistance:

*Size L-XL (14-18) Maternity Clothes
*Size 6-8 women's clothing
*Clothing for boys ages: 2, 3, & 8
*Size 18-24 months baby girls' clothing
*Clothing and various other items (non-gender specific) for a newborn baby
*Giftcards to stores like W*al-M*art, T*arget, etc. to help with groceries, toiletries, and possibly for Christmas as well.

If you are interested, and are able to help, please email me (my addy is under my profile) and I will be more than happy to provide you with the appropriate mailing addresses. Thank you so, so, so much!!

"Love Song"

For Love Thursday:
I absolutely love this photo from my wedding. It was taken as we were walking back down the aisle after being pronounced husband and wife. Yes, my dress was too long, and we had to carry it to keep me from tripping, but that imperfection could not ruin the fact that we were really, and finally married. The look of joy on our faces, especially the way my husband is looking at me, reminds me constantly, even on the worst of days, how much we love each other. I wouldn't trade that love for anything. He is my heart, my soul, my world. No one understands me the way he does, no one knows my little quirks, the pieces that make me who I really am, like him. We've been married for 8 years, together for 11, and we have a lifetime to go. I love you, baby.

Happy Love Thursday, everyone!

Love Song
By The Cure
BestAudioCodes.com

Phone Peeves

I'm a receptionist. This requires me to field calls from various idiots and telemarketers all day, which drives me up a wall. I seriously wish all telemarketing businesses would burn down, and never be rebuilt. Here are some of my biggest peeves when it comes to people calling my job:

1) Telemarketers who think they are soooo clever by asking for someone by their first name. Hello! We have caller id!! Besides, when you call asking for the the person who has been retired for years, but maintains an office here, I think you're giving yourself away.

2) People who call up and feel the need to tell me every detail as to why they are calling. "Hi. This is so and so, with such and such, calling about this and that for blah blah." Look. All I need is the name of the person you are calling for and YOUR name, so that I can announce you. That's it. Nothing else. Shut your piehole.

3) When I tell the person calling that so and so is unavailable, they're all like "Well, maybe YOU can help me?" Um, NO!! I'm just the receptionist, dude. I don't participate in what my employer does, I just answer their phone.

4) Persistent telemarketers (see a trend?). Listen, asshole, can't you take a hint? If the person you are calling for is consistently "unavailable" then perhaps they don't wish to buy whatever it is you're selling. AND....

5) If I put you into voice mail, don't call back and tell me "Oh, I got their voice mail, is there anyone else I could speak with?" NO!!! Nobody wants to talk to you, GO AWAY!!!

6) When I tell you that the person you are calling for is on the phone, don't ask to be placed on hold, it's annoying. Just leave a voice mail already, would you? This especially applies to those of you whom I've announced and been told that the person you are calling for doesn't want to speak with you. In that case, I'll leave your ass on hold all day. I'm not going anywhere, and I have nothing better to do.

7) If you see our number on your caller id, don't call back and say "I saw this number on my caller id. Who called me?" Well, considering I have 45 employees, I have no freakin' idea, buddy. If they didn't leave you a message, they obviously didn't want to talk to you that badly, did they? Or else they'll call back. Did you ever hear of a "wrong number"? It happens, you know.

8) In the same vein, if you dial us by mistake, don't argue that fact with me! If I tell you we have no one here by that name, I'm not lying. Get a grip! Am I sure? No, I'm just fucking with you...OF COURSE I'm sure! I work here, you don't!!

Whew!! OK, now that I've got THAT out of my system, I feel somewhat better. Rant over.

Blog Monks

Courtesty of: Married to the Sea

Blog/Website of the Week for 11/12/06

This week, I shall let you in on a little secret: I am one of those crazy people who is up at 4 a.m the day after Thanksgiving to catch the sales. "You must be crazy!", you're thinking. You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for. I digress.

In order to efficiently scoop up every possible bargain for those on my gift list, I start to plan out my shopping escapade with military precision the last week of October. The first place I turn to to help in my strategizing? Gotta Deal.com's Black Friday section. They have the ads and prices of almost all of the major Black Friday sales, so that instead of wandering from store to store trying to find the best deal, you can plan what to buy and where before heading out the door in the wee hours of the morn'.

They've already posted my top stops:

Wal-Mart
Toys R' Us
Target
Kohl's
Best Buy

Check it out, and don't forget to sign up for their email updates! Their forums are also a good place to get the best shopping and deal tips. Now, don't say I never told you anything useful!

I *Heart* My Sister-In-Law

Always the eloquent writer, my sister-in-law left this comment on my "Fears" post:

Your fears are understandable as a potential adoptive mother but they are not unlike the fears experienced by a biological mother. Becoming a mother IS a scary thing despite all the wonderful outcomes. The reality is that NO, you and Jake will not ever spend the same kind of 'alone' time as you do now. Once you have a child it will forever be different. You will become a unit of three, a tightly knit bond, and something automatically turns on in your heart and soul that makes you a mother above anything else. Even when you are away from your child, enjoying that precious alone time with your spouse that you will so greatly miss, you will both find yourselves wondering about what the little one might be doing at that moment. But don't forget that all those things you love doing with Jake - sleeping in late, snuggling in bed and watching silly cartoons on Saturday mornings, going to live events, movies, and just 'hanging out' - your child will do all of those things with you and it will become a normal part of life. There is no turning back from motherhood; every mother will become a mother for life, no matter what the circumstances. It's inborn, it's instinctual. Adoption is only one of the many, many different ways to build a family. Several of my cousins were adopted by my aunts and uncles and that is not even a consideration among us. It's like saying someone is Caucasian or female. The fact that a person is 'adopted' is only one dimension to the lifelong evolution of a person's unique personality and character. A family unit is bonded from the beginning, and your own journey into motherhood will be wonderful, frightening, exhilirating, mystifying, exhausting, intriguing, and ultimately satisfying. No mother escapes from those pesky feelings of guilt, the feeling that you are being judged by anyone and everyone, watching your every move and comparing it to other mothers, better mothers than you. You will look at other mothers in a completely different way; you will find yourself comparing your mothering skills and questioning your own decisions. Though you'd rather not admit it, you will always wonder if you're doing the 'right' thing, and if you're a 'good' mother. It may be a common fear especially among potential adoptive mothers because they may feel that they are being held to an even higher standard than biological mothers. I would like to say that it's a myth, but those feelings are understandable from mothers who have often already encountered disappointing, difficult, or scary situations that may or may not have led them to adoption. You will feel good about yourself when you laugh with other mothers. You will appreciate good examples of motherhood around you. You will be tired and grumpy and feel like no one really understands what it's like to have a 2-year-old tugging on your shirt and whining all day for no reason. You and Jake will celebrate every little moment of your child's life, and you will suffer when your child is in pain. Forever. And yes, you will miss the good old alone time. But it will become a pleasant memory, a story you can tell your child over and over again. "Before you were born, Mommy and Daddy..." And you will never once regret taking that leap of faith, that most feared and reveared journey into motherhood.

She always knows how to make me feel better, and I view her more as a blood sister, than one by marriage. I love you, A.B.W.!!!!

Fears

In the time before you adopted/gave birth to your child(ren) did you ever find yourself afraid that you would regret giving up your "alone" time with yourself or your spouse?

This is something I've been worried about lately. It's mostly stemmed from the relief I feel when my time babysitting my little sisters or my niece and nephew are up. I enjoy being with them, but it's exhausting, and I'm glad when I can retreat home. Yet, I still have the longing in my heart to have a child of my own. I see children out in public and wonder what my child will look or act like; so you see how this could cause a conflict. I also enjoy the time Jake and I get to spend together, especially now that he's home on weekends. Just snuggling in bed, watching t.v., brings me the greatest satisfaction imaginable. And after 11 years alone together, are we fully prepared to have a third person in our little family?

How do you find that balance? How do you make time for yourself, your spouse, and your children? I'm sure what I have are "pre-adoption jitters", because I have a stupid idea in my head that I have to be the most perfect parent imaginable, and various worries like this one keep playing in my head. I'm a chronic worrier about *everything*, so I'm sure this is just another thing I've blown out of proportion in my head. However, I would really like the perspective out there of anyone else who may have experienced or are experiencing something similar. I have to know that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling. Please, anyone?

A Wee Bit Premature, Aren't We?

People, people, people. Can we PLEASE get throught the Thanksgiving holiday before you start adorning your homes and towns with Christmas decorations? Are we now just leap-frogging over Turkey Day and heading straight into the mass consumerism? (Is that a word? Nevermind, I just checked Dictionary.com, it is.) I mean, if you feel the need to go out and purchase gifts at this time, be my guest, but no lights, no garland, no tinsel, and no trees until Friday, November 24th, o.k.?!?!?!

Thank you, that is all.

Googling Love

I came across this art piece while Googling images of "Love" for Love Thursday. Following the link associated with the image took me here. I regret that I did not know about this exhibit sooner, so as to share it with everyone, because this entire exhibit truly defines the meaning of "Love Thursday".

If you cannot read the text on the painting it reads:

AUTUMN AND THE

DAYS GROW

SHORTER

SQUEEZING THE

SAME RADIANCE

INTO A SMALLER

SPACE

MORE INTENSE

THAN EVER THE

BELOVED'S LUST

FOR US

SHE MUST KNOW

WE TOO ARE

GETTING READY

TO BECOME

A

POEM

Happy Love Thursday Everyone!! Hug someone extra tight today, you won't regret it!

Lovely Day

Lovely Day
By Bill Withers
BestAudioCodes.com

It is INDEED a lovely day!! What a difference from 2, 4 and even 6 years ago! I could finally spend an election night cheering, instead of sobbing. I am so, so, so proud of all of you who got out yesterday and voted, no matter whom your vote was cast for. Of course, I'm especially happy things went my way in the House, and locally here in my state-a Red state that's now being run by Blue!

The country is in for some positive changes, and I can't wait. Also, how great is it for feminism in general that we'll finally have the first woman Speaker of the House in Nancy Pelosi? Fantastic, I tell you, fantastic!!! WooooHoooooooo!!!

Dona Nobis Pacem

Thanks to Karen at Chookooloonks for the link to Mimi, who is promoting world peace today. Go to her site, and create a globe of your own!

New Tunes: Week of 11/5/06

For this week's picks, I'm going waaayyyy indie. I'm talking one these artists has no label indie. Sometimes, these are the greatest finds, ever. Enjoy!!

Lemon Demon - Dinosaurchestra (song pick: Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, a cool, kitschy song about superheroes fighting each other to the death - funny stuff with a good tune)

Y-O-U - Self titled (song pick: Moviekiss, a great romantically haunting song) This is a fantastic band out of Atlanta, who are just starting to gain some national exposure. I've heard 2 of their songs, including "Moviekiss" at the movie theatre during the slide show they play before the previews. I really hope this band makes it big, they're wonderful.

Anyway, just two picks this week, but I really hope you check them out. If you do, come back here and let me know what you thought! Thanks!

I Hate My Ute

Last night, while typing up my "Borat" post, I could feel the first stirrings of cramps. No big deal, it's about that time of month, I thought. Well, within 5 minutes, I was lying on my bathroom floor racked with the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life.

I was screaming, crying, and begging to die. I'm being serious, it was that horrible. It felt like I was being clawed apart from the inside, and I would have done anything to make it stop. I couldn't move, and my tears were making it difficult to breathe. My poor husband just sat in the floor next to me, helpless, unable to help his wife. I managed to choke down a Loritab I had leftover in the cabinet, and counted down (when I wasn't fighting to stay conscious) the time until it kicked in. After an hour of mind-numbingly excruciating torture, the pain subsided long enough for me to crawl to bed. I knew going to the ER wouldn't do anything for me, they'd just give me painkillers and send me on my way-not worth the pain to get out of the house for, not to mention the hospital bill.

So today, still in a manageable amount of pain, I made my way to the Doctor. A lot of good that did me. All I got was a dildo-wand stuck up my bits to be told there was fluid behind my uterus, which could either be from a ruptured cyst (though he could find no evidence of one on my ovaries) or from my endo. Gee, hmmm...YOU THINK?!?!?! I've only been to 4 doctors in the past 5 years for this shit!! No one can seem to help me. Birth control doesn't work past the first month or two, and only succeeds in making me act like a crazy woman. This doctor (a specialist, might I add) won't do a laperoscopy on me until I lose at least 20 lbs., because he's afraid of something happening during surgery. I suppose I can thank the litigious public for that one. All doctors are afraid of actually treating their patients, for fear of being sued. So much for the Hippocratic oath, huh?

Anyway, I was left to drive home in tears, where I subsequently popped another Loritab, along with a Xanax, and crawled back to bed, and into oblivion for the next 8 hours. Hopefully, I can get some sleep tonight, I have be up earlier than usual to hit the polls when they open tomorrow.

So, sorry for not having my usual "Weekly feature" posts up, I'll take care of those tomorrow.

See This Movie!!

Holy Crap!!! I don't think I've laughed so hard, for so long at a movie in the longest time. You must, must, MUST see "Borat"!!

We went on Saturday night to the 10 pm showing, which of course, was packed. Which I really don't mind - I think it adds to the movie-going experience. After becoming simultainously amused and excited about the Reno 911 movie trailer (sorry, no link-it was taken down by You Tube), I was ready to laugh my ass off at the antics of Sascha Baron Cohen's alter-ego. I've been a fan since watching "Da Ali G Show", and wasn't disappointed this time around, either.

This movie is laugh-out-loud-so-hard-you'll-pee-yourself funny. Sure, there are some gross parts, and possibly offensive material, but everyone in the theatre was rolling in the aisles. Jake was having to wipe away the tears from his eyes, he was laughing so hard. There's definitely a reason this was the #1 movie in America this weekend.

So, if you have chance, definitely go and see "Borat", you won't regret it!!

AFK

Sorry, I was "away from keyboard" all day. I had to watch my sisters literally ALL DAY LONG while my parents went out of town for a required adoption seminar to complete their training for the state requirements. Afterwards, hubby, Aimee, SIL and I all went to see "Borat", but more on that later, I'm exhausted!!

Liberals - 1, Republi-Trolls - 0

I think I make it as glaringly obvious as I can on this blog that I am an unabashed liberal. Always have been, always will be; and the older I get, the more liberal I become. So, it was with great delight that I read Erin's post from yesterday, where she slam dunks on a Republi-Troll who didn't have the balls to give her his contact info (maybe because he knows his views are skewed?).

Erin's blog is "Jesus Was Not A Republican", and the reason she chose this title is to point out the hypocrisy of the Right Wing by choosing Jesus as a mascot, and thinking He only works for them. Of course, George the Troll was incensed to think that Jesus could be referred to as *shudder* A Liberal. Oh! The Horror! So, he posted a bunch of bullshit, and Erin countered him point for point, never missing a beat. And she did it all with intelligence and coherence, something I am not capable of in a debate. When I'm angry, I become extremely flustered, and can't form a rational thought (hence, the "incoherent ramblings" I refer to in my header), and end up devolving into using "So there" and "Neener-Neener" immature-style arguing techniques. This is to the great amusement of my husband, a man who couldn't find a debate he didn't love. Seriously, he'll argue about anything if thinks it would make a good debate, especially when it comes to religion. Yes, it can be annoying, however, after 11 years, I've learned to ignore his bait most of the time.

Anyway, I would really love it if you took the time to stop by her blog and have a look around. She's a really great, intelligent, open, honest person, and hers is a voice that definitely needs to be heard, especially before Tuesday's important mid-term elections. Thanks!

Family Is...

...more than blood ties, thicker than blood and water. My family is a blended one, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a stepfather who I consider to be my "Dad", 3 little sisters whom my parents adopted from foster care, In-Laws, a nephew, a niece, and various other relatives that make up my tree. I have learned the true meaning of LOVE and FAMILY through their examples and through everyday living. Now that my husband and I have made the decision to adopt, I couldn't be happier that my child will be welcomed with loving arms into this crazy, mixed-up family of mine!


This is a photo of my nephew and one of my little sisters, taken last year by my mom. It clearly shows the love they have for each other. They are over a year apart, but are the best of friends. They are more like brother and sister, rather than Aunt and nephew. Sometimes they fight, but there are more moments like these in a given day. I'm thankful every day for my family, and hope you all take the time today to appreciate yours. Happy Love Thursday, everyone!!

Fueling My Fire

This pisses me off: (courtesy of newsok.com)

[Oklahoma State] Senate Bill 1742 places several new regulations on abortion and related issues.
It:
Requires minors to get consent of a parent before getting an abortion.
Expands recognition of an unborn child as a separate victim in a crime against the mother.
Ensures a woman is informed her unborn child, if 20 weeks or older, may feel pain during an abortion and that anesthesia could be administered to the baby to relieve that pain.
Ensures a woman seeking an abortion has the option to view her unborn baby by ultrasound before the abortion.
Allows funding to be directed to organizations that help pregnant women and anti-abortion counseling and support services.

Who the fuck do these legislators think they are?!! The majority of these assholes are men, who will never have to make the difficult choice to terminate a pregnancy, so therefore, should have no say in what is a woman's private business. Most of the "facts" that these legislatures draw upon to create these archaic laws are false. No person's body, male or female, should be legislated. No woman should be forced to carry a pregnancy to term, or to be made to feel guilty about the decision to terminate. Rarely does a woman come to this decision lightly. I know women who are haunted by it to this day, yet, would not change their decision, because it was for the best at that time.

I signed the Ms. "We Had Abortions" petition, not because I've had an abortion (which I haven't-I've never been pregnant), but because I stand in solidarity with my fellow women, especially my friends and family members who have had to make this choice. Abortion is not a black and white issue. Read the stories by brave women like Julia and Cecily, and you'll see what I mean. Until you've been placed in that situation, you have no right at all to judge. After all, isn't that what Jesus was supposed to be about? Who are you to decide what is right for someone else? Why can you not just say to yourself "While I don't agree with the concept of abortion (for whatever personal reason), I will not judge those who have had one. I will leave it up to a higher power (if you believe) to judge"? If you think you're saving the "unborn", then I suppose you'll be providing all of the emotional and financial support for the mother, in addition to adopting her child in order to keep her from aborting? Or, in other cases, would you rather a mother die, because her health was at risk, or let a fetus with a severe abnormality suffer the trauma of birth, only to die shortly afterwards (or in utero)? Are you going to care for all of the drug and alcohol affected children born to addicts every day? Or, are you going to do what you do now, ignore these children while they languish in the system? If you're so "pro-life", why not care for those who are already here, and stop worrying about those who are not?

Needless to say, for the first time ever, on Tuesday, I will be voting straight party lines. I try to give opposing political views the benefit of the doubt, and listen to what they have to say, but with everything going on the world, and the way this country has deteriorated under Republican rule, I cannot, in all good conscience, give one vote to those whose views I abhor. It's time for the country to make a change, and hopefully, as the polls are indicating, that change will be begin November 7th. I encourage you to join me at the polls to create the change together, for yourselves, your family, and your country.

Happy Halloween!!!

Have a Spooky Day!!

And, in case you don't already have a costume:

(Courtesy of Forbes.com)

UPDATED:

Sorry, guess I should've made it clear that I didn't carve that pumpkin. It's a photo I grabbed from Google images. I just thought it was cool looking. Sorry for the misunderstanding!!

New Tunes: Week of 10/29/06

I must admit, even though this is only the second week I've done this feature, I'm really enjoying the challenge of finding new music to share. Hubby really enjoys this little challenge as well. In fact, he's crazy about pick number one and has it as his "MySpace song". I hope you all equally enjoy my choices!

1. "Young Folks" - by Peter Bjorn and John (feat. Victoria Bergsman) (CD Single Import - but you can also find the cool video on YouTube. Be forewarned: this tune will get into your head and WILL NOT want to leave!)

2. "Such Great Heights" - by Iron & Wine (CD Single Import - but is also featured on the "Garden State" soundtrack [a FANTASTIC album in its own right] and on the M&M's commercial; this song was originally sung by The Postal Service.)

3. "Happenstance" - by Rachael Yamagata (selected track: 1963, though the entire album is fantastic!)

Purchase, download, enjoy!! Let me know if you like these selections as much as I do!

Website/Blog of the Week 10/29/06

This week's spotlight is for two separate websites with one thing in common: cool graphic t-shirts. I don't know about you, but I love me a funny graphic tee like there's no tomorrow. I think it's a cool, if sometimes juvenile way to make a statement without saying a word. Both of these sites have a great assortment with resonable to high prices, depending on your budget, and/or tastes. These would make not only a great gift for yourself, but for any cool cat in the family. Check 'em out:

Palmer Cash Tees (great vintage and graphic tees)

and

NoiseBot (original, hilarious tees)

Enjoy your Sunday, for tomorrow it's back to the daily grind!

Ode to Autumn

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!

Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;

Conspiring with him how to load and bless

With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;

To bend with apples the mossed cottage-trees,

And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;

To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells

With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,

And still more, later flowers for the bees,

Until they think warm days will never cease,

For Summer has o'erbrimmed their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?

Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find

Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,

Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;

Or on a half-reaped furrow sound asleep,

Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook

Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers;

And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep

Steady thy laden head across a brook;

Or by a cider-press, with patient look,

Thou watchest the last oozings, hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring?

Ay, where are they?

Think not of them, thou hast thy music too, -

While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day

And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;

Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mournAmong the river sallows, borne aloft

Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;

And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;

Hedge-crickets sing, and now with treble soft

The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft;

And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

John Keats

Political Friday

Sad, but true:

(courtesy of: Old American Century)

Actually, it's only sad if you're a Republican. For everyone else, it's embarrassing to have a President like him, yet helps us in the November elections. Bwahahahaha!!!

Learning to Love Yourself

(For "Love Thursday")

So often in the blogosphere we are confronted with a lack of love. This is one of the many reasons I enjoy the idea of "Love Thursday"; it forces us to examine our lives, and find the love in the everyday. We're also often encouraged to combat the negativity that can float around here by saying loving or nice things about other bloggers. Which is great, by the way, but how many times do we turn that love inward? Too often we forget to love ourselves.

Show of hands....how many of you out there put yourself last? Ah, I see quite a few hands, especially from the moms. It's so easy to sacrifice ourselves, our dreams, our ambitions, and most of all, our self-esteem. I know I'm certainly guilty of that one. So, for "Love Thursday" (and my 29th Birthday!) I'm going to force myself to list ten things I love about myself. I challenge each of you who read this post to do the same. You don't have to post about it on your blog, but take the time to really think and write down those ten things you love about yourself. You might be surprised what you come up with! Happy "Love Thursday" everyone!

Ten Things I Love About Myself

1. My blue eyes. Both of my parents, and my younger brother have green eyes, so I love the way I stand out. I love how the shade of blue changes with whatever I'm wearing, and I love that I have a visible physical connection to my grandfather and my niece and nephew, who share my eye color, despite both of their parents having green eyes.


2. My complexion. I get more compliments on my skin than any other physical feature I posses. I have very fair, porcelain skin, with rosy undertones. Classic Irish complexion. I rarely need makeup, and have been fortunate enough not have acne problems.


3. My dimples. I share this feature with my maternal grandfather, my Grandaddy. As far back as I can remember, even to this day, every time I see him, he smiles and says, "Show me Grandaddy's dimples." Now, how can I resist that?


4. My big heart. I'm such a notorious softy. I fall for pretty much every sad story out there, especially if it involves children or animals. I bawl my eyes out every time I watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", because I empathize with the family's situation. If I see a person in need, I always want to know how to help.


5. My sense of loyalty. I am extremely loyal to my family and friends, and will stick up for them when they need it, and am by their sides when the chips are down. My loyalty goes hand in hand with my sense of protectiveness towards my loved ones.


6. My sense of humor. I am a complete and unabashed goofball. I will pretty much do anything for a laugh, even at my own expense. I'll make a complete ass of myself, just to crack someone up. Humor is one of the biggest things that my husband and I love about each other. Our ability to laugh at life has kept us going strong for 11 years.


7. My ability to find beauty in the everyday. I know it's cliche, but I'm rather like that boy in "American Beauty", I think there is so much beauty in the world that sometimes I can't stand it. The simplest of things are beautiful to me: a child's laugh, an autumn leaf, the sound of the surf upon the shore - I wish I could soak it all in and share it with the world.


8. My taste in music. I love everything. There is not a single genre of music where I cannot find an artist I could enjoy. I love discovering new artists, new sounds and even re-discovering the greats from the past. My diverse taste in music can open me up to new experiences, and help me to make a connection to people with whom I would normally have nothing in common.


9. My cooking. I'm not a gourmet by any stretch of the imagination, but I make delicious home-cooked comfort food. I'm not one of those cooks who measures anything. I'm more free-handed with my style. I know if I have too much or too little of anything based on taste alone, and I generally create recipes in my head. I don't get to cook as often as I'd like, but my husband thinks I am presenting him with manna from heaven any time I do.


10. My political activism. My interest in all things political began during the '88 elections. I remember being fascinated by the political process, and watched the debates between Dukakis and Bush on t.v. Now, how many 11 yr. old girls do you know who do that? I am a person who believes in standing up for what's right, and holding our leaders accountable for their actions. I watch and read any political commentary I can, and try and keep abreast of the latest legislation. I believe it is my duty as a citizen of the U.S. to exercise the freedoms granted to me in our great Constitution by casting my vote in every local, state, and federal election. If I weren't such a hothead, I'd probably run for office someday, but I'm afraid that my mouth would get me into trouble.

Finally, here's one of my favorite photos ever taken of me:

This is me, circa 1997. I went to one of those fancy photo places in the mall, where most women put on feather boas and have big hair for their pictures. However, they had started to do a "Hollywood Glamour" look that I loved. I just knew the photos would turn out great, and they did. The photographer instructed me not to smile, to think of the time ("It was war, all the women were sad", he said.) and to only use my eyes to express my emotion. I really think that all comes out in this photo. No one ever believes me when I tell them it's me, they always think I'm showing them a picture of my grandmother or something. Guess I was born in the wrong era, huh?

In Other News...

Apparently, I live in "Standoff City".

Who knew?

Did everyone forget to take their happy pills or what?

Drug of Choice

(An ode to my love, Caffeine)


Ahhhhh....Caffeine. Sweet nectar of the Gods. Your wonderful stimulant high starts my day off each morning with the warm rush of vitality and coherence. Without you, I am a zombie, struggling to stay awake at my desk - an embarrassing idea, considering my propensity for snoring and drooling in my sleep.

Where would I be without my Venti Iced Non-Fat Vanilla Latte? Without my delectably smooth Godiva milk-chocolate? My hot cocoa with marshmallows? Climbing the walls and biting people's head's off, that's where.

I know it's wrong to love you this much, you're so bad for me. Like a Harley-riding , leather wearing, young-Elvis looking, man-child rebel, I can't resist your lure. I've tried to distance myself from you in the past, but your siren's call is too strong for me. While I do my best to avoid you in the evening time, I anxiously count down the hours until I can once again embrace you in my hands, and welcome your flavor upon my lips. How could I ever have survived mid-terms and finals without your pep?

Let's face it, baby, you and I are together forever. It's chemical.

Tuesday Funny

From Married to the Sea:

Are You a Blogging Chick?

'Cause I am!!

Check out the site here - and join up!!

Blog/Website Spotlight of the Week

Yet another new weekly feature beginning today is my "Blog/Website Spotlight of the Week". Each week I will bring you a blog or website that I think is definitely worthy of checking out. If you have your own nominees, let me know! Man, I love the internet!!

This week's spotlight:

Oh My That's Awesome!

It's Awesome, indeed! Spotlighting all kinds of cool finds in clothing, accessories, music, housewares, and just about anything else you can think of, this website is run by some really cool chicks: Sarah and Wendy. These two ladies, in addition to other contributors, scour the real world and the net to bring you the latest thing that's recently caught their eye. It was through their site that I discovered my new love for Sufjan Stevens. With the holidays just around the corner, you'll definitely want to check them out to find the perfect gift for the hipster or hard-to-buy-for person in your life.

(PS: I've also set up a permanent link in my "Daily Dose" list.)

New Tunes: Week of 10/22/06

I'm going to start a new weekly feature this week called "New Tunes". These are songs or artists I have discovered in the previous week, and that I feel are worth sharing with the masses. Some of the artists are established-you've probably heard them on the radio, or have one of their CD's; others are more indie-perhaps you've heard of their name, but have never heard the music. This is all a part of my ongoing project to always broaden my horizons when it comes to music.

This week's picks:

Ane Brun - A Temporary Dive (track: Song No. 6 w/Ron Sexsmith)

Sufjan Stevens - Illinoise (track: Chicago)

Goldfrapp - Supernature (track: Oh La La)

Check 'em out, download, and enjoy! You won't be sorry!

Out Damn Blogspot! Out!

"Son of bitch! Shit!" ($5 million in Monopoly money for anyone who can name what movie that's from.)

Hopefully, this post will go through. Blogger's being a bitch (taking forever to load, etc.), so there goes the post I was planning on writing. It was totally interesting, too! Unlike this pile of crap. In fact, please ignore it.

Hopefully, better luck tomorrow.

Fat Camp aka My Longest Post to Date

I've struggled with self-esteem issues my entire life. I've never thought I was pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough to deserve anything. Which is completely ridiculous, I know. I know logically that I have a pretty face (not beautiful, mind you, just pretty), I'm an intelligent person (well....excluding math, I suck at math), and everyone deserves happiness - but try telling that to the emotional part of my brain.

The fact that I am obese (and I cringe as I type that word, but it's true) is a problem of my own making. I know that sitting on my ass, stuffing my face full of carbs, and turning to food for comfort have caused me to self-destruct health-wise. In the 7.5 years of TTC and Infertility struggles, I have gained 80-85 lbs. I gained about 15 lbs. before that during the stress of planning my wedding, and almost didn't fit into my dress. So, we're talking about 95-100 lbs of weight gain in 10 yrs. I've always been kind of chubby, but never more than 10-15 lbs overweight. Until now. Now, I watch "The Biggest Loser" and realize that I am just as fat as the people they recruit for that show. It's horribly embarrassing and devastating to realize how far I've let myself go.

I can pinpoint the exact moment that my love/hate relationship with food began. It was the day my beloved grandfather died. We were living with my grandparents in Kentucky while my mom was undergoing chemo and radiation for cervical and ovarian cancer (she'd had uterine cancer just 3 years prior, and had to have a hysterectomy at age 28), back in Texas, where we lived at the time. My parents had divorced the summer before, and rather than hang around and support his children, my dad decided to up and move to Las Vegas and not leave a forwarding address, but a ton of bills behind. This caused us to become homeless, which only added to my mother's burdens. Rather than continuing to leave her children with friends to keep us off the streets, she took us back home to her parents. Needless to say, by the time the day my grandfather died (albeit peacefully in his sleep) rolled around, my brother and I were under far more stress than any 11 and 8 yr old children should be.

When people inevitably started to bring food to the house, my brother and I tried to mask our pain by consuming an entire bucket of chicken, a package of rolls, and a large bowl of pudding in one sitting. It was the start of a cycle that continues to this day. I know the "experts" tell you that when you are feeling emotional and are tempted to eat, to do something active, like walking, instead. Yeah, well, sometimes it's just easier and feels better to sit on the couch and eat a cup of chocolate pudding.

There was, however, a brief time between the ages of 18-20 where I was thin, well, thinner than I ever was before, anyway. I held down two jobs that required quite a bit of physical activity, and the pounds just started to fall off of me. For the first time in my life, I was HOT. The evidence of which was obvious in the way men looked at and flirted with me. I've never had so much attention paid to me by the opposite sex before! Let me tell you, it can be quite intoxicating and very, very powerful. Especially for a girl who couldn't get a date in high school. Of course, I was already with Jake at the time (we've been together since just before I was 18), so he was the only one reaping the benefits of having a hot chick. The funny thing is, I wasn't thin by society's standards. I wore a size 10-12, but with my build, it makes me look thin. I've always been big busted, and had a nice derriere, so if you eliminate most of my belly fat, I look great. I was holding my head high, full of confidence and happiness. Even when the weight first started to creep back on, it never bothered me. Jake loved me and found me attractive (and still does, btw), and that's all that mattered. I was even deluded enough to not "see" how truly overweight I had become. My mind would play the trick of believing that I was thinner than what I actually was. The only time that facade slipped, was if I saw a photo of myself. Then, I couldn't deny the evidence any longer. In fact, I've held on to this delusion until recently. While viewing the season premiere of TBL with Jake, I watched as one by one, the contestants were weighed in, wearing nothing but some spandex shorts and sports bra (for the women)-oh the horror! I saw their numbers come up, and realized, "Oh my God. They weigh as much as I do!" To confirm my growing horror at the realization of the enormity of what I had done to myself, I asked Jake to tell me, honestly (please, and no, I won't be mad), "Do I look like that?". His confirmation was like a bucket of cold water poured over my head, waking me up to the fact that I weigh as much as a grown man who plays football.

You would think that I would immediately start dieting and exercising, changing my life for the better, but no. Food and I, we're in a co-dependent relationship. Food is like the boyfriend who beats me up, but I love him anyway, and keep crawling back. Food is my lover, my best friend. Food comforts me, lifts me up, when life gets me down. Food has been there for me in my time of need. It brings back memories of family gatherings, and romantic evenings. It sustains me, and I don't mean in a "you need food to live" sense.

I want to break up with food, to no longer be its slave, to be in love with it, but I don't know how. I'm an atheist, so OA and "giving it up to a higher power" won't work; I'm simultaneously horrified and repulsed at the thought of joining WW or JC and doing the weigh-ins and meetings, Curves isn't my style, and I don't have the money to spend on Nutri-system or South Beach, or any of the other diet plans out there. I have to learn to do it on my own, but where do I begin? I don't care about what the scale says, I want to be healthy and happy. Just to be a size 12-14, rather than a 18-20 would be wonderful! To walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath, to relieve the pain in my knees, my back, and the stress on my heart and lungs, would fill me with joy and a sense of pride. To finally hold my head up, to look people in the eye, and not worry that they're snickering behind my back about what a "fatty fatster" I am, is a dream I can't wait to turn into reality. I've got to find a way to do it, and sooner rather than later is preferable, in fact, it's become necesssary. If I don't want to devlop diabetes, or dig myself an early grave, I have to change - NOW.

That's What Friends Are For

For "Love Thursday":

Nat & Aimee May 2006

Aimee is my best friend. That's not an easy thing for an adult woman to have. As a child, I remember saying that all of my friends were my best friends. Remember how you could go up to someone on the playground and ask, "Hey, do you want to be my best friend?", and then BAM! instant friends!

Now, friends require work. You're not as trusting as you used to be, and are more guarded with your affections. You've learned the hard lessons about betrayal and feeling used, not to mention the high drama that can accompany friendships amongst girls.

With Aimee, there is none of that. Despite the almost 3 year age difference, she and I almost instantly clicked, finding kindred spirits based on a lifetime of similar experiences. There are also very obvious differences between our personalities; for instance I'm definitely the more outgoing of our duo, and Aimee is more pragmatic. However, our differences only serve to compliment, and not conflict with each other. It's as if we've known each other our entire lives, rather than 3 1/2 years. We can be completely serious, or seriously goofy anytime, and not worry about what the other person will think of you. We're so bonded, that we attend each other's family functions, and hang out whenever possible. She's also one of the only friends I've had that my husband considers one of his as well, which really means alot to me.

Aimee is 5 months pregnant, and I was with her when she saw those two lines appear, and I'll be there when her son takes his first breath and beyond. Our friendship is one of those that you know, with all of your heart, that will last for a lifetime.

I love you, Aimee.

PS: Stop by her blog and give her a shout out, would you?!

Keep smilin' keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me
For sure
That's what friend's are for

For good times
And bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friend's are for

Indecisions

This was my Halloween costume last year:

Scary, no?

My friends and I dressed up as the "80's Ladies" for my birthday/Halloween party, went to a bar, got a little tipsy, where I then proceeded to belt out "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in my best Cindy Lauper imitation, while they sang back-up. Ah yes, good times, good times. Please note the use of blue eyeshadow and bangle bracelets. Honestly, I think Aimee (black mesh shirt w/pink bra) had the best hair. I tried ratting mine, but my hair is very anti-80's. It's taken 16 years of training to make it that way.

Anyway, so now I'm at a loss as to what to wear this year. I love Halloween, but it's torture for me to find a costume. Being a larger woman, there aren't alot of choices out there, without coming up with something homemade or original. Well, I suck at being crafty, so I can't make anything too complex, and I don't want to spend an arm and leg, either. I'm jealous of Ollie's idea, she's definitely creative, and I feel sucky in comparison. So, if any of you have any ideas, let me know, PLEASE!!! I'm a desperate woman!!!

Bibliophile

I love the written word. I've participated in this love affair since I first started reading at age four. I even remember the first book I could read: Morris the Moose Goes to School by B. Wiseman. I was the kid who would sneak the flashlight under the covers, just so I could finish my book after bedtime. I still will usually read 2 or 3 books concurrently. So, it was to my ultimate joy to find this site. I could finally keep a list of all the books that are currently gracing my shelves (and nightstand, and various other surfaces around my house). You can also view other members' lists to see not only which books you have in common, but to get ideas for your next read. Check it out, and let me know if you sign up; I'd love to see what you're reading!

Click here to access my list.

Committed

In an effort to improve/maintain my writing skills (skills, what skills?!! bwahahaha), I have committed myself to NaBloWriMo, which although it sounds like something far dirtier than what it is, is actually a great idea. In fact, I've decided to take this thing one step further by committing myself to begin the daily posts today, starting with this one (hehe, I know it probably shouldn't count, but it's my rules this month, so what I say goes!).

So sit down, strap in, and hold on, 'cause you're about to have at least six weeks of unfiltered Nat Time!!

PS: Don't forget, I can wait until 11:59 pm to post, and it still counts for that day!! Oh, how I love interpreting rules to how I want/need them to be! (Must be why I work for attorneys.)

Brothers and Sisters

(For "Love Thursday")

This handsome devil with the big smile is my little brother, D.J. He's 3 years younger than I, and the only brother I have. Being a typical little brother, he hasn't always been the easiest person to get along with, especially when he was aggravating me, just to make himself laugh (which he still does!). However, he and I always knew we could count on each other, no matter what, when the chips were down and the times were tough.

D.J. and I didn't have the easiest childhood, and we heard and saw many things that children should not. Many times throughout his life, I was not only his sister, but his surrogate mother as well. This dual role only served to solidify our bond.

My brother is a wonderful husband and loving father to his two beautiful children, my nephew Caleb, and my niece Leah. Those kids are his whole world, and they are both "Daddy's Babies".

Watching my brother grow up and seeing what a wonderful man he's become makes me so proud of him. I know things aren't always easy-he works long hours to provide for his family while is wife is in school full time-but he somehow always manages to come out of it with a smile. Family is so important to D.J., and he makes sure he's there not only for me, but for our parents, and now for our new sisters as well. He's a fantastic role-model, and is definitely the kind of man his son can look up for inspiration and guidance. I don't get a chance to see him as often as I'd like, but we try to make the times we are together that much more meaningful.

Friday is D.J.'s 26th birthday, and for "Love Thursday", I just wanted the world to know just how much I love my brother. Happy Birthday, baby brother!! I hope we have a lifetime more to celebrate together!

Love, Sis

"brothers and sisters, unite

it's the time of your life

it's the time of your life

break down, break down

gotta spread love around

gotta spread it all round"

"Brothers and Sisters" by Coldplay

Did I Forget To Mention..

....that Jake got a new job? Oh, sorry about that!

Yes, indeed-y; he was hired by **** (Big Computer Company), after interviewing for 3 different positions. I guess they really wanted him, because they kept calling him for interviews. It's not the position he originally wanted, but his foot's in the door, and he hopes to move up quickly, especially since he's over-qualified for his current position. His first day was yesterday, and it's nice to have him home with me in the evenings and on weekends.

FINALLY, after all these years, we can be together like a normal couple! Wow! I actually get to sleep next to my husband at night? Who'd thunk it?

So, we're hoping that the increase in salary will allow us to pay down debt, build some savings, and then we can buy a house. THEN, it's on to ADOPTION!!! Huzzah! (Does anyone actually use that phrase anymore? Besides the British Navy? I read too many historical novels, obviously.) Things are looking up, and I couldn't be happier!

Just to Make Ollie Jealous

I'll be attending this little shindig and I will definitely take the opportunity to shake Wayne Coyne's hand, just to say that I did! I'll even try to get a photo taken with him! If I do, you can bet your sweet ass I'll be posting it ASAP. And Ollie will die a little inside every time she sees it, because I think she's more in love with Wayne than I am. Yeah, I can be petty like that.

#1 Reason We Should Be Teaching Sex Ed In Schools Is

Because people are finding my blog by googling:

"Can you get pregnant if the guy is wearing pants?"

'Nuff said.

And you wonder why I'm a liberal?!

This One Goes Out To The One I Love

For "Love Thursday":

This photo was taken in the Muir Woods during our vacation in March. This is actually on Jake's 31st birthday (March 16). I was trying to take a self portrait, and Jake snuck up behind me, just as I pressed the button. I didn't even realize it until I reviewed the photo! Needless to say, I cracked up, and still do everytime I look at this photo. Jake's goofball sense of humor is one of the many reasons I love him so much. He and I can just be silly together, and not worry about feeling stupid while doing it. I definitely believe that laughter is an important part of any relationship-if you can keep laughing, then nothing can be that bad!

Happy Love Thursday!!

Monday Miscellaneous

*Thursday morning, I threw my neck out by, get this, brushing my teeth. I kid you not. Only I am capable of achieving this level of pathetic-ness. I still had to come into work and open the office, but only because it was too late to call my backup (Aimee). I literally could not move my neck, and was sitting as stiffly as possible. Luckily, my Chiropractor of 15 years was able to get me going again. I *heart* my Chiropractor-so much so, his daughter was one of my flower girls at my wedding.

*Friday night and most of Saturday were spent in bed, snuggling and watching t.v. with Jake, who called in sick to his night job (he really *was* sick, kind of). It was wonderful! There's nothing quite like lying around, under your comfy feather duvet, watching crap t.v. I'm trying to enjoy our alone time, because once we have our child, those times are ovah. At least, for 18 years or so.

*Saturday afternoon (when we finally managed to drag ourselves out of bed) we went to see School for Scoundrels, the new Billy Bob Thornton/Jon Heder movie. I wanted to see this because I love Billy Bob. Sure, he plays the same cynical asshole in all his movies, but I *love* that cynical asshole. I can even overlook his weird phobia against antiques, and that whole wearing-of-the-blood-in-the-necklace-thing when he was married to Angelina. The movie itself was ok, I'd give it a "B"-definitely worth the matinee price, but I wouldn't pay full price. Funny, but not hilarious.

*Great new download for the iPod: "Sexy Love" by Ne-Yo

*Great read: Secret Confessions of the Applewood PTA by Ellen Meister. Hilarious, touching, quick read. Check it out today!

*Today's high in Oklahoma City: 91 . Now tell me there isn't global warming!!

Later, Taters!!

The Decision

Well, we've decided (for now) what path we'd like to take: domestic newborn. We will most likely have a trans-racial adoption, skin color being unimportant to us.

I've really been searching my heart, and as much as I love the Chinese, Russian and Guatemalan programs, and know several people who've created their families through them, I just feel that domestic is right for us this first time around. One of the biggest factors in our decision is that we'd really like to parent a child as early as possible in their development. Just once, we'd like to really experience what life is like with a newborn. Our subsequent adoptions (yes, we want more than one child!) will most likely go through the foster/adopt system, perhaps involving a sibling group. There is also the issue of travel. Neither Jake nor myself have the available time to fly to a foreign country for a week to a month, depending on a country. Both of our jobs offer a 2 week paid vacation, and we'd like to use that time (plus 4-6 weeks unpaid FMLA leave for me) as maternity leave to be home with our baby.

Guatemala was very closely considered, but with all of the Hague Treaty uncertainties, especially considering that we won't be able to even begin the paperwork process for another year or so, really put a damper on that decision.

You know how you read or hear of most people saying that they felt "drawn" to a particular program or country, or how they just knew it was "right"? Well, that's how domestic is for us. Hopefully the fact that we're open to adopting trans-racially will make our wait time shorter than those who wait for a Caucasian infant. I'm still afraid of the uncertainty of a failed placement, but the more discussions I have with those who have successfully adopted domestically, the better I feel. I'll also be looking for an agency that whose fees are good for as many times as it takes to do a placement, rather than pay for a failed placement, then have to pay again.

However, we are attending a seminar this Sunday by an agency we are considering, and their information could sway us to further contemplate our decision regarding international.

That brings up another issue: I am having THE WORST time finding adoption seminars in Oklahoma. I've tried Google, Ask.com, and even different agencies websites, but the closest I can find is in Texas (other than the one this Sunday, which is hosted by an agency out of TX). I don't mind going to a seminar in the DFW area, but I would want to make sure that the information they provided would be valid for Oklahoma as well. My friend, Wendy, suggested that I try RESOLVE, but you have to pay $55 to join, and I don't want to pony up that money just to see if there is a local meeting or seminar. Last time I heard, they didn't have an Oklahoma chapter anyway. If anyone out there has a membership, and could look up that info, and either email me or post it here? I'd really appreciate it.

One of the greatest things this adoption had brought about is an open discussion amongst family and friends about adoption. My BIL and SIL were asking us about the process, and telling us how they may someday adopt from China. My brother and SIL have also said that for their third child, they'd love to adopt, most likely from China as well. My brother, from a young age, has always said he'd love to have a Chinese daughter. I think it has something to do with a documentary he once saw about why babies are up for adoption in China, and it really touched his heart. Of course, most of you know that my parents are in the process of adopting a sibling group that they have fostered for almost 2 years now. So, adoption seems to be all in the family here!! I'm loving all the positive feedback and comments I've been receiving. With infertility, so many people are afraid to say anything, or just don't know what to say or ask, so it's refreshing to be able to openly discuss our family planning. Has anyone else had an equally rewarding experience?

As always, an advice or suggestions is appreciated! Thanks!

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

I had my first adoption dream last night. It was brief, but wonderful.

I dreamt that we had adopted a bi-racial (Hispanic/CA) little girl as an infant, and my dream was taking place when she was 20 months old. I remember trying to wipe some chocolate off her face, and when I told her it was time for a bath, she said "No, Mama! No bath!" I just laughed and told her "Too bad, baby. You're getting one anyway."

I suppose somehow in my dream I knew that Jake and I were supposed to go away for a weekend-our first since our daughter's arrival into our lives. We were going to leave her with my mother, but as I was drying my daughter off, Jake came in the bathroom and said, "I don't think I can leave her." I looked at him, then our daughter and said, "I don't think I can, either."

It left me feeling so full of love and happiness. Just the idea of my child is enough to warm my heart. Our child is most likely not even conceived yet, however, s/he is alive and well within me-my mind and heart. I see children, and now, where there used to be bitterness that they weren't mine, there is now hope and joy, and the wonder whether my child will resemble them.

Just to feel positive, and yes, even alive again, is a feeling I wouldn't trade for the world. The only thing better than this will be when I'm holding my child in my arms for the first time.

To Whom It May Concern:

If you are the person who reached this blog via googling "dry hump pregnancy", thank you. I really needed a good laugh on a Monday morning.

Seriously though, what does dry humping during pregnancy have to do with my blog? I don't recall discussing this topic, do you? However, now that you ask, I say, just go for it. Obviously, it's too late to prevent a pregnancy, so why not just go for the full she-bang? The cow's already been let out of that barn, so there's no sense in closing the door now! Unless you're referring to something like "Can you get pregnant by dry humping?" Then, it depends. If there is ejaculation involved by the male, then there is always a slight possibility. If you want to avoid pregnancy, stay away from the sperm at all costs! This includes the pre-ejaculate. Don't let any of the "babyjuice" near your vagina! Thoroughly wash your/his hands after engaging in petting, but before allowing the boy to "pet" you. Unless, of course, you're infertile, then it doesn't really matter, does it? However, stranger things have happened, I mean, look at my friend Aimee-she got pregnant while using a condom-one that didn't break! So, kids, just remember: if you're willing to engage in sexual activity, you've got to be willing to accept the consequences of your actions.

And that's your Sex Ed lecture of the day! Carry on, now!

Me!Me!

Taken from The Aitch:

1. FIRST NAME? Natalee

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. My first name is combination of letters from my mother's and grandmother's names, and my middle name is after my father.

3. LAST CRY? Yesterday, at the fair, when I was kicked off a ride, because my boobs were too big for the safety harness. Talk about embarrassment!

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? If I take my time, then yes. When I'm in a hurry, my scrawl is pretty illegable.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Honey Ham

6. KIDS? None yet, but we hope to have one home within the next 2 years or so!

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? What kind of question is that? How much self-loathing do you have to have to not want to be friends with yourself? Anyway-sure, why not? Other people are!

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Just the blog.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? You think?

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Hell to the No!

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cookie Crisp, Corn Pops, Cocoa Pebbles, Raisen Bran

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Nah, I'm a wuss.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Strawberry-although my new obsession is coffee flavor

16. SHOE SIZE? 8.5-9

17. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I have a big mouth and speak before I think (I'm the same way, A!)

18. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My Papaw

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I'm not wearing pants or shoes right now!!! Aiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!! The visual!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm wearing my night-shirt people!)

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Gwen Stefani-Love, Angel, Music, Baby on my 'puter.

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Periwinkle Blue

22. FAVORITE SMELL? Food cooking, my husband's scent, a baby's head.

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My SIL, yesterday.

24. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Dark eyes and hair-I'm a sucker for them, especially if the guy is skinny/athletic.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I stole it from A, and I loves her!

26. FAVORITE DRINK? non-alcoholic: sweet tea (I'm southern, people!); alcoholic: Vanilla Twist (Smirnoff Vanilla, Amaretto, and Bailey's Irish Cream-DeLish!)

27. FAVORITE SPORT? OU Sooners football; OKC Blazers Hockey

28. EYE COLOR? Blue

29. HAT SIZE. Dunno, I buy the adjustable hats.

30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, but I mostly wear my glasses now.

31. FAVORITE FOOD? Anything with carbs. Mostly of the Mexican, Italian, or Chinese variety.

32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy endings-I'm a romatic sucker.

33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATER? The Covenant

34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White (hey, at least I'm wearing a shirt!)

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall or Spring.

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Both please

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Does the word "chocolate" mean anything to you?

38.WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? 1776, Darcy & Elizabeth, and Secret Confessions of the Applewood PTA-simultaniously-I love to read.

39. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A built-in gel wristpad.

40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV ? A documentary about the Secret Service on the National Geographic channel, Oh! and Mallrats on "On Demand" (I *heart* Kevin Smith movies)

41. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SOUNDS? My husband's voice, birds chirping, kids laughing.

42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? The Beatles.

43. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? NYC, NY

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Paducah, KY

Feel free to steal this from me! BUT, let me know that you did, so I can check out YOUR MeMe!!