Saturday, April 30, 2005

A Poem

Here's a poem I wrote a couple of years ago that I thought you all might enjoy:

I feel such a loss
Questions never answered
The cruelty of circumstance stings my eyes
Fills them with tears
So many shed
Empty wombs and empty arms feel heavy with grief
Envious stares towards those who have what I don’t
Keep the dream alive
Or give up the fight
The battle rages in my mind
Your clumsy attempts at comfort are not the soothing gestures you mean
Inadvertently twisting the knife further into my heart
I reach out into a quiet dark
Seeking those like me
Feeding from their words
Like a long starved thing
The medicine man fills me with his potions
Promises of success
Raising expectations
Two weeks is an eternity
How much more can I endure

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

In Memoriam

On this day, ten years ago, I awoke to sunlight streaming through my bedroom window, and my mother's voice calling me to get up. At this point in my life, I had dropped out of high school to care for her after major back surgery, as she could not care for herself. Mom had a 9 a.m. appointment at Social Security in the Murrah Federal Building downtown. We were going to see if she could qualify for temporary SSI disability payments, as there was no way she would be working anytime soon.

By 8:45, my perpetually late mother was still not ready to go, and so she called her SS caseworker to let her know we were going to be late. The lady told her that was ok, that she was helping someone else at the moment and was running behind herself. I was dreading driving downtown that day-I hated the traffic, one-way streets, and trying to find a metered parking spot. I had planned on dropping Mother off at the front of the building, and then cruising around until I found a parking space. Meanwhile, my stepdad, who was a vending route driver for Coca-Cola, was supposed to be at his account in the Journal Record building, directly across the street from the Murrah Building. Instead, he chose to take care of his routes on the north side of OKC before heading downtown. He too, was waiting for the morning traffic to die down.

At 9:02 a.m., on that beautiful, cloudless morning, just before leaving the house, we heard what sounded like a huge rumble of thunder, and our windows shook (for reference: we lived 20 miles from the blast). I looked outside, to see if there were any clouds, but there was nothing to be seen. We had the t.v. on, and suddenly there was a breaking news report that there had been an explosion (we thought natural gas at the time) at the Murrah Building. Mom and I were flabbergasted-we should have been there. My dad, at the time of the blast, was on a payphone with his boss. First, through the phone, and then through the air, he heard the explosion. When he found out on the radio that it was the Murrah Bldg., he was panic stricken, thinking that my mother and I were hurt, of course, we thought he was in the Journal Record building and that he could be injured as well. The phones lines were all tied up, so we couldn't reach each other. My dad finally raced home just in case we were there, or if my brother (who was home sick) knew when we had left. It was with a great relief that we found that we were all ok. However, one of my dad's co-worker's was not so lucky. His wife, a nurse, rushed to the scene to be of assistance. While searching for survivors in the rubble, a piece of concrete fell from above, and struck her in the head, killing her. She left behind four children. My mother's caseworker was also killed.

168 innocent people, including several children in a daycare center, would perish that day. Those who survived carry the physical, mental, and emotional scars to this day. Some sought retribution through the trial, conviction, and execution of Timothy McVeigh. Others sought more peaceful means of resolution. Neither way is right nor wrong.

I am so proud of how my fellow Oklahomans handled themselves in the wake of this enormous tragedy, and I continue to hold that pride ten years later. Everyday I am reminded of that strength and resiliance as I gaze out my office window that overlooks the memorial where the building once stood. I see the "Survivor's Tree", which has become a symbol for us all that even in the face of death, life goes on.

Please take a moment of your time today to remember those lives lost, and send up a prayer, wish, chant, whatever-for those left behind. Thanks.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Book Report

As promised, here is a list of children's books that I adore. I either read them now, or read them as a child. Feel free to add your own choices in the comments!

*Harry Potter (can't wait for #5 to come out 7/16!)-J.K. Rowling

*The Thunder Pup-Janet Hickman

*Encyclopedia Brown Series

*Bridge to Terabithia

*Little House on the Prairie Series-Laura Ingalls Wilder


*Where The Red Fern Grows

*Summer of the Monkeys

*Island of the Blue Dolphins

*The Secret Garden

*Bobbsey Twins Series

*Nancy Drew Series

*Choose Your Own Adventure Series

*Babysitters Club Series

*Anything Judy Blume writes

*The Ramona Series-Beverly Cleary

*Anastasia Krupnik Series

*To Kill A Mockingbird-Harper Lee

*Charlotte's Web-E.B. White

*Little Women-Louisa May Alcott

*Diary of Anne Frank

*Anything written by Lois Lowry

*The Velveteen Rabbit

*Sweet Valley High Series

I'm sure there's much more that I can't think of at the moment, but maybe you can jog my memory. See, my love of books is just one of the reasons I'm going to be a librarian. I can't wait to influence young people to read, and get enjoyment out of the written word.

Friday, April 08, 2005


Some random meanderings for your Friday:

*There is a teeny, tiny, less than 1% chance that I conceived 2 days ago. I'm only saying this because I had some of the best cervical mucus I've had in years, and we had sex twice that night, and once last night, so maybe one my hubby's lil' buggers can finally find their way to my egg. I'm not holding my breath or anything, though.

*I loved Julia's post today, it really got me thinking about my favorite books as a child. I will list them on a separate post, along with a few of my other favorite things.

*I've been soooo tired all day-I can't seem to wake up. TGIF so I can go home and take a nap!

*We're still awaiting final plans for FL, but it looks like we'll be in Tampa, not St. Pete. My BIL is making an offer on a house, and we should know something soon. A bonus: the house has a pool and a hot tub. Oh la la!

*My latest music find: Damien Rice. Fan-Tas-Tic! I heard his song "The Blower's Daughter" while watching "Closer" last night on DVD, and fell in love with his music. So I checked out the rest of the album online, and I am going to buy it. The title of his album is 'O'.

*As much as I love Spring, my allergies are driving me insane. I've had a persistent stuffy nose and dry cough for days. Nothing helps, and I really don't feel like shelling out the money for an allergy shot when benadryl does me good.

*I was disappointed by "Spanglish". While I appreciate the sentiment and acting in the film, the pace was entirely too slow. However, I adore funny Adam Sandler films-he cracks me up!

*It's almost time for our local annual Arts Festival. I can't wait to check out the Art, and enjoy a yummy Strawberry Newport, it's divine!

*Tomorrow I'm getting my eyebrows waxed, and then later we're going bowling with friends. Beer for everyone!

*I'm bored out of my mind right now-can't you tell?

So, what are YOU doing this weekend? Any fun upcoming plans?