Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Don't You Forget About Me

I'm super busy right now between the two jobs and home life, but I'll be back as soon as possible!

Monday, August 21, 2006

My Subconscious Is An Asshole (and other various observations)

Over the weekend, I fell into a funk over a dream that I'd had. "What kind of dream", you ask? Well, a baby dream, of course!!

I dreamt that I'd finally given birth, yet I refused to believe that the precious being in my arms was real. Everyone in the dream kept telling me that "Yes, you really did have a baby!" and I kept telling them that it wasn't possible, that this must all be a dream. To prove my point, I opened the curtains on a window in the birthing suite, and outside that window was: South America. (don't ask me how I knew it was South America, I just did, ok?) I proclaimed that I didn't live in S. America, therefore this really was a dream. And instantly I awoke. Why the funk? Well, because in the dream there were genuine moments of emotion where I felt overwhelmed with love for this tiny baby, and I wanted it to be true with all my heart.

Also, I keep having nightmares-which is really weird since I used to hardly ever have them. So, see-my subconscious really is an asshole!
I've never seen "When Harry Met Sally". This, despite my love for the rom-com genre. Does this make me weird?
I was looking at my sitemeter yesterday, and made the following observations:

The #1 Google-linked hit to my blog: I hate Angelina Jolie.

Ok folks, I don't really hate Angie-the post was tongue-in-cheek. So, I'm really sorry if you came here looking for some "Team Aniston" support, 'cause you won't find it here. Not that I wish Jen ill, in fact, I hope she and Vince work out-it's just that I didn't take sides in the initial fray. And really, why are you taking the time to Google this? Do you truly despise a celebrity that much? Interesting....

The #2 Google-linked hit to my blog: Vericocile

Hey, I understand what you're going through, and I'm really sorry to "hear" about your fertility problems. I hope the surgery (should you/your partner elect to do it) works out, and that you'll be as fertile as a, well, um....fertile person! Best of luck to you!

Some other referrals are still coming from that debacle I was involved with awhile back-you know the one I'm referring to-and if you don't you'll just have to wonder, because I will not rehash it here. It's done, it's over with-move on rubberneckers! Seriously-GO AWAY!! I don't need the site traffic, I'm perfectly happy with the 5 or so people who read this blog on a regular basis, it leaves me more space to speak my mind, without as much censorship. I'm sorry if you came here looking for a "trainwreck", and all you found was a "crazy" liberal with a penchant for all things 80's and an empty uterus. I sooo hate to disappoint you, truly.
I'm starting my 2nd job tonight. You know...the one I mentioned earlier that I would be interviewing for? Anyway, finances being what they currently are in my household, I thought it prudent to acquire additional funds through gainful employment before I was forced to the poor-house. The job is cleaning an elementary school from 6-9 pm, Monday-Friday, excluding school holidays. My friend, Aimee, and I teamed up to do this together, and it's going to be a lot easier than what it sounds. All we basically have to do is vacuum/mop the floors, wipe down sinks, and stock toilet paper and paper towels. The school is not a large one, so we'll probably get it down to being there for only 2 hours. It's not going to be a lot of money, but every little bit helps, ya know! Besides, it's better to make money (and get some exercise in the process!) rather than sit on my ass at home watching t.v. and doing nothing each night.

Ok, well, that's it in a nutshell! Lemme know if there's anything else your inquiring minds want to know, and I'll see what I can come up with!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Friday Funny

Effin' EMO kids...can't stand 'em!!
Working For The Weekend

"I need more COWBELL!"

Never underestimate the power of the cowbell to set a song off right. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Love, Love, Love.....

In honor of "Love Thursday", I present to you:
This is my favorite picture of Jake and I. It was taken at his brother's wedding, June 2002. We had no idea the picture was taken, and when my mother-in-law sent it to me for my birthday that year, I burst into tears upon viewing it because I thought we looked so in love. Everyone who views this photo (in its frame) says that it looks like the paper photos that come with the frame.

This photo was taken during our March vacation to California, on the beach in Santa Barbara. I thought it would look great in a scrapbook, plus I'd always wanted to make a cheesy "love heart" in the sand at the beach. In case you can't see, it says "Jake & Natalee '06". I'm streching my arms to show not only how large the heart is, but how much I love my husband.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bummed *Updated*

I was hoping to post some great news today, but alas, such news did not arrive.

Hubby interviewed last week for a job with **** (major computer company that is now recalling their laptop batteries), and for once, his shy-prone self gave "good interview" and he really felt positive that he would be hired. However, today's deadline for "hearing something" has now come and gone, and nada.

What really sucks is that if he would've been hired, we could've lived off his salary (which would've been more than both of our currently combined incomes) and I could've paid down enormous sums of debt with mine.

I know the longer his job search takes, the more depressed he gets, not to mention the financial strain on us and our relationship. It's very demeaning to him as a man, to be the age he is (31), and not be further along in his career prospects. I know alot of it has to do with our moving back here 6 years ago, especially considering that Oklahoma is definitely not known to be a place where one can easily secure an IT position. However, I really, really, couldn't stay in D.C. another day when I left, and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and/or suicide when I made the decision to leave. Now, I feel guilty that I've screwed us for life.

As much as I love being near my family and friends here in OK, I feel that a move for us inevitable, perhaps even back to D.C. It's come to a point where I'm gonna have to suck it up and go wherever he can land a good-paying job, just so that we can move ahead with our lives.

Sigh. This sucks.


Yeah, apparantly my husband, aka he-who-never-checks-his-freakin'-email, missed a "rejection email" from **** that was sent LAST FRIDAY-2 days AFTER he interviewed. Way to go, honey!

So, I guess the search continues!! In the meantime, he's been promoted at one of his 2 jobs to Shift Manager, but it's not much more money, however every bit helps, I suppose. I'm also interviewing for a part-time job on Monday to be a part of a crew cleaning a school from 6-9 pm M-F. My BF, Aimee, and I are going to do this together for a few months to make some extra money--she to pay off debt before she gives birth in March, and me to pay off debt before I have to start paying back my student loans in November. Hopefully this will work out for the best.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Showin' Some Love

My best friend, Aimee, the one I was discussing in this post, has now started her own blog. It's about her pregnancy, and her journey in single-parenthood. She's new to the blogosphere, so I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't mind hopping on over, having a read, and saying "hello".

I think it takes guts for any of us to start our blogs, and put ourselves out there on public display for all. So, I'm just showin' some love and pimpin' out a friend, yo.


Monday, August 07, 2006

Do You Realize??

I *heart* Wayne Coyne!! He's one of the few things about OKC that doesn't suck.

It's Monday...

...that means it's time to laugh at the President:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh George!! You ARE good for chuckle!! (and that's about ALL you're good for!)

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Guess I'm Not Alone After All

I just read Julia's post and comments from yesterday, and honestly it's made me feel a lot better about my own situation. It's so easy to forget that I'm not alone out here in the world with my infertility/family planning issues. We're not the only couple affected by endo and male factor. Nor are we the only infertile couple out there who cannot currently afford treatment or adoption. And we certainly aren't the only couple who can't decide/agree upon on which way is best to build our family.

When you're in that place of frustration, depression, fear, and anger, it's so easy to think you ARE the only one. If it weren't for the "internets", I don't know where I'd be today. Just to know that others are going through the same thing, and understand your pain, even if you don't know each other personally-is so empowering, and gives you some hope in this place of darkness.

Friday, August 04, 2006

My Hot New Summer Jam

I LOVE this song! I think it's so sexy when JT says "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave." Come on over here, Justin, I'll spank you!! LOL!!!!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Brief Explanations

Not to go into too much detail, as I don't like to hash or bash about my marriage or my husband. However, needless to say, we are at a place in our lives where we're having to do some serious re-evaluating of our lives, including the state of our marriage.

This is not to say that we don't love each other, we do-very much and very deeply. However, there are certain things in my life that I am not willing to compromise upon. If I made these compromises or sacrifices, it would only lead to heartache and bitterness for myself and towards my husband, which would dissolve our marriage anyway.

Alot of this is related to our infertility struggles, and our path to parenthood. We are trying to have an open dialog and understand where the other is coming from, but these conversations are never easy, and are frought with strong emotions. And of course, any path to parenthood we choose is financially burdensome to us at this time, when we already have enough debt to deal with-yet, we are getting older, and getting tired of the wait.

So, between the money and baby issues, there is alot of discussions going on in Casa de Libral Loco. I feel as long as we are talking that there's still a chance for us, and it's a chance I have to take.

I'll be ok, and I appreciate all the love and sentiment I'm receiving from you, my friends. It means the world to me.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Why Is It...

Everyone else's life is coming together, just as mine is slowly falling apart?