I'm passing along this info for Erin. You can read more about her situation at: http://jesuswasnotarepublican.blogspot.com (sorry, hyperlinks STILL don't work for me, the link is also in my sidebar).
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Missing Guatemala City Signature: Searching Out Others
Dear readers:
Thank you for your supportive comments. Unfortunately, this is not a situation for which we can contact US politicians or government bodies for assistance. It concerns a Guatemala citizen's document -- issued by a municipality in Guatemala -- that is not being accepted by a Guatemalan government body. It could even be counterproductive to attempt to bring US parties into the mix.However, there is something you can do to help if you so wish. If you are ADOPTING FROM GUATEMALA and you are with an agency or facilitator that is not HAPS or For This Child, PLEASE EMAIL THE FOLLOWING LETTER TO YOUR AGENCY. If you are NOT ADOPTING but you have a blog, please POST THIS REQUEST ON YOUR BLOG.
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Dear [agency-name],
If your agency has a case in process that contains a Guatemala City cedula or birth-certificate that is missing the Civil Registry signature (usually the mayor's signature), we have important information to share.According to PGN, if your case has not yet received a previo for the missing signature, it will. The letter from the Civil Registry and/or the Mayor of Guatemala City is no longer sufficient to satisfy the previo. The four PGN assessors have made a joint decision that these unsigned documents MUST be signed. However, at this time there is NO ONE in Guatemala City with the authority to sign these documents!
We are Cheri xxxxxx and Erin xxxxxx, in the process of adopting Guatemalan babies through For This Child and HAPS, respectively. After many months working on this issue separately, our agencies are now collaborating to find a solution. They have discussed this with the PGN reviewers, Barrios, and the Mayor of GC directly. The conclusion is that the mayor does NOT have the authority to sign a document issued under another mayor's tenure. Therefore, we must file an acta with a different branch of PGN that will require the Civil Registry of GC to 1) designate and authorize a person to sign these documents, and 2) order that person to do so.
The PGN reviewer on Erin's case currently has 12 cases that have been kicked out for this reason. If all 8 reviewers have a similar number of cases, that means 80-100 cases are in this same predicament! We have been advised to find as many of these other cases as possible so that we can ALL file the acta together. We have strength in numbers.
If you have, or know of, a case that contains a Guatemala City cedula or birth-certificate that is missing the Civil Registry signature, please contact:Karla Ordonez, with HAPS: cell 5555-3610, office 2332-9040 Traci Orr, with For This Child: US #214-370-8436, traci@forthischild.org
Thank you for your time,
Cheri and Erin
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PLEASE pass this information along to whomever you feel is relavent, or re-post on your blog. Hopefully Cheri, Erin, and countless others will not have wait very much longer to bring their children home. Thanks, everyone!!
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunshine's Peeking Through
I just wanted to thank all of you who sent me well wishes, and I wanted to let you know that I am doing a lot better. One of my biggest problems is my lack of patience. I'm an "instant gratification" kind of girl, and when I really, really, really want something, I can't stand waiting for it. The longer I'm forced to wait, the more frustrated I get.
I know that by taking the time to get our finances in order before adopting means that we'll not only be able to afford a better house to bring our child home to, but also the adoption costs won't be such a burden to bear.
It's just so hard emotionally when you're ready to be a parent and there's all these obstacles in your way. I think a lot of my "panic" also has to do with the fact that I will be 30 this year, and I really never thought it would take me this long to become a mother. Not that 30 is old, but seeing as how I started TTC when I was 21, it does feel like forever.
Like I said, I always bounce back, and the spring-like weather we've been having has been a real pick-me-up. It's hard to feel down when the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you feel a warm breeze upon your skin.
Once again, thank you so much for all of your love and support. It truly means the world to me.
I know that by taking the time to get our finances in order before adopting means that we'll not only be able to afford a better house to bring our child home to, but also the adoption costs won't be such a burden to bear.
It's just so hard emotionally when you're ready to be a parent and there's all these obstacles in your way. I think a lot of my "panic" also has to do with the fact that I will be 30 this year, and I really never thought it would take me this long to become a mother. Not that 30 is old, but seeing as how I started TTC when I was 21, it does feel like forever.
Like I said, I always bounce back, and the spring-like weather we've been having has been a real pick-me-up. It's hard to feel down when the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you feel a warm breeze upon your skin.
Once again, thank you so much for all of your love and support. It truly means the world to me.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Ties That Bind
If you've read me long enough you'll know that my best friend, Aimee, is having a baby boy in March. His name will be Isaiah.
What you don't know is that I am Aimee's birth coach/partner. For the first time, I'll get to be in the delivery room when new life is brought forth. I'll see Isaiah take his first breath, and hear his cry. Of course, the father will also be there, but because he attends school during the day and works full time at night, he couldn't attend the pre-natal and birthing classes, and that's where I come in.
We've only had 2 classes so far, but they have been extremely enlightening. I've learned a lot about pre-natal nutrition and development. I've also come to another startling realization-even though I cannot see him, and can only feel his movements externally, I'm already in love with this baby. By investing so much of my time in learning about his growth and development, by being the first person (besides his mother) to view and hear his heartbeat, by witnessing the changes he's bringing to his mother's body, by helping to prepare his nursery and layette, I'm forming an external bond in my heart with this child who shares no familial ties to myself. I cannot wait to hold him, kiss him, care for him, alongside his parents.
Another positive realization is: I can participate in the pregnancy and not feel envy or sorrow. I'm excited, not sad. There was a time, not too long ago when this would not have been possible. My emotional growth and well being are another sign of how ready and accepting I am of adoption. These classes are also educating me about the changes that will happen to my child's birth mother, and reinforces to me how much of a sacrifice placing her child with me really is. I can only hope that I honor my birthmother with the appropriate level of love and respect she truly deserves.
In the meantime, I have little Isaiah to keep me occupied, and I can't wait to meet this newest member of my "family of choice".
What you don't know is that I am Aimee's birth coach/partner. For the first time, I'll get to be in the delivery room when new life is brought forth. I'll see Isaiah take his first breath, and hear his cry. Of course, the father will also be there, but because he attends school during the day and works full time at night, he couldn't attend the pre-natal and birthing classes, and that's where I come in.
We've only had 2 classes so far, but they have been extremely enlightening. I've learned a lot about pre-natal nutrition and development. I've also come to another startling realization-even though I cannot see him, and can only feel his movements externally, I'm already in love with this baby. By investing so much of my time in learning about his growth and development, by being the first person (besides his mother) to view and hear his heartbeat, by witnessing the changes he's bringing to his mother's body, by helping to prepare his nursery and layette, I'm forming an external bond in my heart with this child who shares no familial ties to myself. I cannot wait to hold him, kiss him, care for him, alongside his parents.
Another positive realization is: I can participate in the pregnancy and not feel envy or sorrow. I'm excited, not sad. There was a time, not too long ago when this would not have been possible. My emotional growth and well being are another sign of how ready and accepting I am of adoption. These classes are also educating me about the changes that will happen to my child's birth mother, and reinforces to me how much of a sacrifice placing her child with me really is. I can only hope that I honor my birthmother with the appropriate level of love and respect she truly deserves.
In the meantime, I have little Isaiah to keep me occupied, and I can't wait to meet this newest member of my "family of choice".
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Past, Present and Future
Today I had my "annual" appointment with my RE/Ob-Gyn, and as I sat waiting in the lobby for my name to be called, I looked around at my fellow patients, as most people do.
There were three other women there alone, and three couples. Seeing as how my RE runs the local fertility clinic that was housed in the same office, and the fact that none of these women were visibly pregnant, it wasn't hard to figure out what they were here for. Here were my fellow infertiles.
The three couples and myself were called back at the same time. While we waited in the long hallway to be assigned to our perspective rooms, the couples all looked at the photos on the wall of the babies my doctor helped to conceive and deliver. In their eyes I saw the hope, and heard in their minds "This could be us. We can be this lucky. This doctor will help us have a baby." As my heart broke a little for them, that they even had to use ART to achieve their dream of a family, I came to the realization that I'm not really one of "them" anymore. I am no longer relying on technology to help me build my family. I'm counting on the brave decision of a wonderful woman to place her child with me. I felt removed, apart, from these couples. However, I still remember what it's like to be them. To hope that this doctor will have the answers for them, to dream that they'll finally become pregnant and carry a child to term. That's not me anymore, and I'm glad. Infertility, while always a medical part of who I am, no longer defines me. It's my past, who I was, not who I am now. I no longer imagine the big red "I" on my chest, declaring my inability to bear a child.
I'll admit, that when looking at the photos of the babies and happy families, my heart twinged, just a little, then no more. My present is one where I am happy with who I am now, and glad to have my husband and our dogs as our family at this time. We are working hard, paying off debt, building credit, and hopefully, within the next year, buying the home that we'll bring our child home to, where we'll have our own happy family photos to display. My present is full of plans for my future.
That future-adoption, is one I am embracing with open eyes and a glad heart. I felt a bit smug at knowing how my child will come to me, that question being answered for me when we made our decision not to pursue ART, but to adopt a child. Sure, my husband and I will never know what it is to conceive a child, someone else will do that for us. We'll never see our combined features reflected in the face of our children, but we'll see their own beautiful faces none the less. I may have no say so over my child's nature, but I'll nurture him or her with all the love in my heart.
As I walked out of the examination area, and back into the waiting room, I locked eyes with another couple who had come in, waiting anxiously for their turn. I gave them a small smile, and a mental wish for their success, whatever way that may come.
There were three other women there alone, and three couples. Seeing as how my RE runs the local fertility clinic that was housed in the same office, and the fact that none of these women were visibly pregnant, it wasn't hard to figure out what they were here for. Here were my fellow infertiles.
The three couples and myself were called back at the same time. While we waited in the long hallway to be assigned to our perspective rooms, the couples all looked at the photos on the wall of the babies my doctor helped to conceive and deliver. In their eyes I saw the hope, and heard in their minds "This could be us. We can be this lucky. This doctor will help us have a baby." As my heart broke a little for them, that they even had to use ART to achieve their dream of a family, I came to the realization that I'm not really one of "them" anymore. I am no longer relying on technology to help me build my family. I'm counting on the brave decision of a wonderful woman to place her child with me. I felt removed, apart, from these couples. However, I still remember what it's like to be them. To hope that this doctor will have the answers for them, to dream that they'll finally become pregnant and carry a child to term. That's not me anymore, and I'm glad. Infertility, while always a medical part of who I am, no longer defines me. It's my past, who I was, not who I am now. I no longer imagine the big red "I" on my chest, declaring my inability to bear a child.
I'll admit, that when looking at the photos of the babies and happy families, my heart twinged, just a little, then no more. My present is one where I am happy with who I am now, and glad to have my husband and our dogs as our family at this time. We are working hard, paying off debt, building credit, and hopefully, within the next year, buying the home that we'll bring our child home to, where we'll have our own happy family photos to display. My present is full of plans for my future.
That future-adoption, is one I am embracing with open eyes and a glad heart. I felt a bit smug at knowing how my child will come to me, that question being answered for me when we made our decision not to pursue ART, but to adopt a child. Sure, my husband and I will never know what it is to conceive a child, someone else will do that for us. We'll never see our combined features reflected in the face of our children, but we'll see their own beautiful faces none the less. I may have no say so over my child's nature, but I'll nurture him or her with all the love in my heart.
As I walked out of the examination area, and back into the waiting room, I locked eyes with another couple who had come in, waiting anxiously for their turn. I gave them a small smile, and a mental wish for their success, whatever way that may come.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
I *Heart* My Sister-In-Law
Always the eloquent writer, my sister-in-law left this comment on my "Fears" post:
Your fears are understandable as a potential adoptive mother but they are not unlike the fears experienced by a biological mother. Becoming a mother IS a scary thing despite all the wonderful outcomes. The reality is that NO, you and Jake will not ever spend the same kind of 'alone' time as you do now. Once you have a child it will forever be different. You will become a unit of three, a tightly knit bond, and something automatically turns on in your heart and soul that makes you a mother above anything else. Even when you are away from your child, enjoying that precious alone time with your spouse that you will so greatly miss, you will both find yourselves wondering about what the little one might be doing at that moment. But don't forget that all those things you love doing with Jake - sleeping in late, snuggling in bed and watching silly cartoons on Saturday mornings, going to live events, movies, and just 'hanging out' - your child will do all of those things with you and it will become a normal part of life. There is no turning back from motherhood; every mother will become a mother for life, no matter what the circumstances. It's inborn, it's instinctual. Adoption is only one of the many, many different ways to build a family. Several of my cousins were adopted by my aunts and uncles and that is not even a consideration among us. It's like saying someone is Caucasian or female. The fact that a person is 'adopted' is only one dimension to the lifelong evolution of a person's unique personality and character. A family unit is bonded from the beginning, and your own journey into motherhood will be wonderful, frightening, exhilirating, mystifying, exhausting, intriguing, and ultimately satisfying. No mother escapes from those pesky feelings of guilt, the feeling that you are being judged by anyone and everyone, watching your every move and comparing it to other mothers, better mothers than you. You will look at other mothers in a completely different way; you will find yourself comparing your mothering skills and questioning your own decisions. Though you'd rather not admit it, you will always wonder if you're doing the 'right' thing, and if you're a 'good' mother. It may be a common fear especially among potential adoptive mothers because they may feel that they are being held to an even higher standard than biological mothers. I would like to say that it's a myth, but those feelings are understandable from mothers who have often already encountered disappointing, difficult, or scary situations that may or may not have led them to adoption. You will feel good about yourself when you laugh with other mothers. You will appreciate good examples of motherhood around you. You will be tired and grumpy and feel like no one really understands what it's like to have a 2-year-old tugging on your shirt and whining all day for no reason. You and Jake will celebrate every little moment of your child's life, and you will suffer when your child is in pain. Forever. And yes, you will miss the good old alone time. But it will become a pleasant memory, a story you can tell your child over and over again. "Before you were born, Mommy and Daddy..." And you will never once regret taking that leap of faith, that most feared and reveared journey into motherhood.
She always knows how to make me feel better, and I view her more as a blood sister, than one by marriage. I love you, A.B.W.!!!!
Your fears are understandable as a potential adoptive mother but they are not unlike the fears experienced by a biological mother. Becoming a mother IS a scary thing despite all the wonderful outcomes. The reality is that NO, you and Jake will not ever spend the same kind of 'alone' time as you do now. Once you have a child it will forever be different. You will become a unit of three, a tightly knit bond, and something automatically turns on in your heart and soul that makes you a mother above anything else. Even when you are away from your child, enjoying that precious alone time with your spouse that you will so greatly miss, you will both find yourselves wondering about what the little one might be doing at that moment. But don't forget that all those things you love doing with Jake - sleeping in late, snuggling in bed and watching silly cartoons on Saturday mornings, going to live events, movies, and just 'hanging out' - your child will do all of those things with you and it will become a normal part of life. There is no turning back from motherhood; every mother will become a mother for life, no matter what the circumstances. It's inborn, it's instinctual. Adoption is only one of the many, many different ways to build a family. Several of my cousins were adopted by my aunts and uncles and that is not even a consideration among us. It's like saying someone is Caucasian or female. The fact that a person is 'adopted' is only one dimension to the lifelong evolution of a person's unique personality and character. A family unit is bonded from the beginning, and your own journey into motherhood will be wonderful, frightening, exhilirating, mystifying, exhausting, intriguing, and ultimately satisfying. No mother escapes from those pesky feelings of guilt, the feeling that you are being judged by anyone and everyone, watching your every move and comparing it to other mothers, better mothers than you. You will look at other mothers in a completely different way; you will find yourself comparing your mothering skills and questioning your own decisions. Though you'd rather not admit it, you will always wonder if you're doing the 'right' thing, and if you're a 'good' mother. It may be a common fear especially among potential adoptive mothers because they may feel that they are being held to an even higher standard than biological mothers. I would like to say that it's a myth, but those feelings are understandable from mothers who have often already encountered disappointing, difficult, or scary situations that may or may not have led them to adoption. You will feel good about yourself when you laugh with other mothers. You will appreciate good examples of motherhood around you. You will be tired and grumpy and feel like no one really understands what it's like to have a 2-year-old tugging on your shirt and whining all day for no reason. You and Jake will celebrate every little moment of your child's life, and you will suffer when your child is in pain. Forever. And yes, you will miss the good old alone time. But it will become a pleasant memory, a story you can tell your child over and over again. "Before you were born, Mommy and Daddy..." And you will never once regret taking that leap of faith, that most feared and reveared journey into motherhood.
She always knows how to make me feel better, and I view her more as a blood sister, than one by marriage. I love you, A.B.W.!!!!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Fears
In the time before you adopted/gave birth to your child(ren) did you ever find yourself afraid that you would regret giving up your "alone" time with yourself or your spouse?
This is something I've been worried about lately. It's mostly stemmed from the relief I feel when my time babysitting my little sisters or my niece and nephew are up. I enjoy being with them, but it's exhausting, and I'm glad when I can retreat home. Yet, I still have the longing in my heart to have a child of my own. I see children out in public and wonder what my child will look or act like; so you see how this could cause a conflict. I also enjoy the time Jake and I get to spend together, especially now that he's home on weekends. Just snuggling in bed, watching t.v., brings me the greatest satisfaction imaginable. And after 11 years alone together, are we fully prepared to have a third person in our little family?
How do you find that balance? How do you make time for yourself, your spouse, and your children? I'm sure what I have are "pre-adoption jitters", because I have a stupid idea in my head that I have to be the most perfect parent imaginable, and various worries like this one keep playing in my head. I'm a chronic worrier about *everything*, so I'm sure this is just another thing I've blown out of proportion in my head. However, I would really like the perspective out there of anyone else who may have experienced or are experiencing something similar. I have to know that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling. Please, anyone?
This is something I've been worried about lately. It's mostly stemmed from the relief I feel when my time babysitting my little sisters or my niece and nephew are up. I enjoy being with them, but it's exhausting, and I'm glad when I can retreat home. Yet, I still have the longing in my heart to have a child of my own. I see children out in public and wonder what my child will look or act like; so you see how this could cause a conflict. I also enjoy the time Jake and I get to spend together, especially now that he's home on weekends. Just snuggling in bed, watching t.v., brings me the greatest satisfaction imaginable. And after 11 years alone together, are we fully prepared to have a third person in our little family?
How do you find that balance? How do you make time for yourself, your spouse, and your children? I'm sure what I have are "pre-adoption jitters", because I have a stupid idea in my head that I have to be the most perfect parent imaginable, and various worries like this one keep playing in my head. I'm a chronic worrier about *everything*, so I'm sure this is just another thing I've blown out of proportion in my head. However, I would really like the perspective out there of anyone else who may have experienced or are experiencing something similar. I have to know that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling. Please, anyone?
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Did I Forget To Mention..
....that Jake got a new job? Oh, sorry about that!
Yes, indeed-y; he was hired by **** (Big Computer Company), after interviewing for 3 different positions. I guess they really wanted him, because they kept calling him for interviews. It's not the position he originally wanted, but his foot's in the door, and he hopes to move up quickly, especially since he's over-qualified for his current position. His first day was yesterday, and it's nice to have him home with me in the evenings and on weekends.
FINALLY, after all these years, we can be together like a normal couple! Wow! I actually get to sleep next to my husband at night? Who'd thunk it?
So, we're hoping that the increase in salary will allow us to pay down debt, build some savings, and then we can buy a house. THEN, it's on to ADOPTION!!! Huzzah! (Does anyone actually use that phrase anymore? Besides the British Navy? I read too many historical novels, obviously.) Things are looking up, and I couldn't be happier!
Yes, indeed-y; he was hired by **** (Big Computer Company), after interviewing for 3 different positions. I guess they really wanted him, because they kept calling him for interviews. It's not the position he originally wanted, but his foot's in the door, and he hopes to move up quickly, especially since he's over-qualified for his current position. His first day was yesterday, and it's nice to have him home with me in the evenings and on weekends.
FINALLY, after all these years, we can be together like a normal couple! Wow! I actually get to sleep next to my husband at night? Who'd thunk it?
So, we're hoping that the increase in salary will allow us to pay down debt, build some savings, and then we can buy a house. THEN, it's on to ADOPTION!!! Huzzah! (Does anyone actually use that phrase anymore? Besides the British Navy? I read too many historical novels, obviously.) Things are looking up, and I couldn't be happier!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
The Decision
Well, we've decided (for now) what path we'd like to take: domestic newborn. We will most likely have a trans-racial adoption, skin color being unimportant to us.
I've really been searching my heart, and as much as I love the Chinese, Russian and Guatemalan programs, and know several people who've created their families through them, I just feel that domestic is right for us this first time around. One of the biggest factors in our decision is that we'd really like to parent a child as early as possible in their development. Just once, we'd like to really experience what life is like with a newborn. Our subsequent adoptions (yes, we want more than one child!) will most likely go through the foster/adopt system, perhaps involving a sibling group. There is also the issue of travel. Neither Jake nor myself have the available time to fly to a foreign country for a week to a month, depending on a country. Both of our jobs offer a 2 week paid vacation, and we'd like to use that time (plus 4-6 weeks unpaid FMLA leave for me) as maternity leave to be home with our baby.
Guatemala was very closely considered, but with all of the Hague Treaty uncertainties, especially considering that we won't be able to even begin the paperwork process for another year or so, really put a damper on that decision.
You know how you read or hear of most people saying that they felt "drawn" to a particular program or country, or how they just knew it was "right"? Well, that's how domestic is for us. Hopefully the fact that we're open to adopting trans-racially will make our wait time shorter than those who wait for a Caucasian infant. I'm still afraid of the uncertainty of a failed placement, but the more discussions I have with those who have successfully adopted domestically, the better I feel. I'll also be looking for an agency that whose fees are good for as many times as it takes to do a placement, rather than pay for a failed placement, then have to pay again.
However, we are attending a seminar this Sunday by an agency we are considering, and their information could sway us to further contemplate our decision regarding international.
That brings up another issue: I am having THE WORST time finding adoption seminars in Oklahoma. I've tried Google, Ask.com, and even different agencies websites, but the closest I can find is in Texas (other than the one this Sunday, which is hosted by an agency out of TX). I don't mind going to a seminar in the DFW area, but I would want to make sure that the information they provided would be valid for Oklahoma as well. My friend, Wendy, suggested that I try RESOLVE, but you have to pay $55 to join, and I don't want to pony up that money just to see if there is a local meeting or seminar. Last time I heard, they didn't have an Oklahoma chapter anyway. If anyone out there has a membership, and could look up that info, and either email me or post it here? I'd really appreciate it.
One of the greatest things this adoption had brought about is an open discussion amongst family and friends about adoption. My BIL and SIL were asking us about the process, and telling us how they may someday adopt from China. My brother and SIL have also said that for their third child, they'd love to adopt, most likely from China as well. My brother, from a young age, has always said he'd love to have a Chinese daughter. I think it has something to do with a documentary he once saw about why babies are up for adoption in China, and it really touched his heart. Of course, most of you know that my parents are in the process of adopting a sibling group that they have fostered for almost 2 years now. So, adoption seems to be all in the family here!! I'm loving all the positive feedback and comments I've been receiving. With infertility, so many people are afraid to say anything, or just don't know what to say or ask, so it's refreshing to be able to openly discuss our family planning. Has anyone else had an equally rewarding experience?
As always, an advice or suggestions is appreciated! Thanks!
I've really been searching my heart, and as much as I love the Chinese, Russian and Guatemalan programs, and know several people who've created their families through them, I just feel that domestic is right for us this first time around. One of the biggest factors in our decision is that we'd really like to parent a child as early as possible in their development. Just once, we'd like to really experience what life is like with a newborn. Our subsequent adoptions (yes, we want more than one child!) will most likely go through the foster/adopt system, perhaps involving a sibling group. There is also the issue of travel. Neither Jake nor myself have the available time to fly to a foreign country for a week to a month, depending on a country. Both of our jobs offer a 2 week paid vacation, and we'd like to use that time (plus 4-6 weeks unpaid FMLA leave for me) as maternity leave to be home with our baby.
Guatemala was very closely considered, but with all of the Hague Treaty uncertainties, especially considering that we won't be able to even begin the paperwork process for another year or so, really put a damper on that decision.
You know how you read or hear of most people saying that they felt "drawn" to a particular program or country, or how they just knew it was "right"? Well, that's how domestic is for us. Hopefully the fact that we're open to adopting trans-racially will make our wait time shorter than those who wait for a Caucasian infant. I'm still afraid of the uncertainty of a failed placement, but the more discussions I have with those who have successfully adopted domestically, the better I feel. I'll also be looking for an agency that whose fees are good for as many times as it takes to do a placement, rather than pay for a failed placement, then have to pay again.
However, we are attending a seminar this Sunday by an agency we are considering, and their information could sway us to further contemplate our decision regarding international.
That brings up another issue: I am having THE WORST time finding adoption seminars in Oklahoma. I've tried Google, Ask.com, and even different agencies websites, but the closest I can find is in Texas (other than the one this Sunday, which is hosted by an agency out of TX). I don't mind going to a seminar in the DFW area, but I would want to make sure that the information they provided would be valid for Oklahoma as well. My friend, Wendy, suggested that I try RESOLVE, but you have to pay $55 to join, and I don't want to pony up that money just to see if there is a local meeting or seminar. Last time I heard, they didn't have an Oklahoma chapter anyway. If anyone out there has a membership, and could look up that info, and either email me or post it here? I'd really appreciate it.
One of the greatest things this adoption had brought about is an open discussion amongst family and friends about adoption. My BIL and SIL were asking us about the process, and telling us how they may someday adopt from China. My brother and SIL have also said that for their third child, they'd love to adopt, most likely from China as well. My brother, from a young age, has always said he'd love to have a Chinese daughter. I think it has something to do with a documentary he once saw about why babies are up for adoption in China, and it really touched his heart. Of course, most of you know that my parents are in the process of adopting a sibling group that they have fostered for almost 2 years now. So, adoption seems to be all in the family here!! I'm loving all the positive feedback and comments I've been receiving. With infertility, so many people are afraid to say anything, or just don't know what to say or ask, so it's refreshing to be able to openly discuss our family planning. Has anyone else had an equally rewarding experience?
As always, an advice or suggestions is appreciated! Thanks!
Monday, September 25, 2006
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
I had my first adoption dream last night. It was brief, but wonderful.
I dreamt that we had adopted a bi-racial (Hispanic/CA) little girl as an infant, and my dream was taking place when she was 20 months old. I remember trying to wipe some chocolate off her face, and when I told her it was time for a bath, she said "No, Mama! No bath!" I just laughed and told her "Too bad, baby. You're getting one anyway."
I suppose somehow in my dream I knew that Jake and I were supposed to go away for a weekend-our first since our daughter's arrival into our lives. We were going to leave her with my mother, but as I was drying my daughter off, Jake came in the bathroom and said, "I don't think I can leave her." I looked at him, then our daughter and said, "I don't think I can, either."
It left me feeling so full of love and happiness. Just the idea of my child is enough to warm my heart. Our child is most likely not even conceived yet, however, s/he is alive and well within me-my mind and heart. I see children, and now, where there used to be bitterness that they weren't mine, there is now hope and joy, and the wonder whether my child will resemble them.
Just to feel positive, and yes, even alive again, is a feeling I wouldn't trade for the world. The only thing better than this will be when I'm holding my child in my arms for the first time.
I dreamt that we had adopted a bi-racial (Hispanic/CA) little girl as an infant, and my dream was taking place when she was 20 months old. I remember trying to wipe some chocolate off her face, and when I told her it was time for a bath, she said "No, Mama! No bath!" I just laughed and told her "Too bad, baby. You're getting one anyway."
I suppose somehow in my dream I knew that Jake and I were supposed to go away for a weekend-our first since our daughter's arrival into our lives. We were going to leave her with my mother, but as I was drying my daughter off, Jake came in the bathroom and said, "I don't think I can leave her." I looked at him, then our daughter and said, "I don't think I can, either."
It left me feeling so full of love and happiness. Just the idea of my child is enough to warm my heart. Our child is most likely not even conceived yet, however, s/he is alive and well within me-my mind and heart. I see children, and now, where there used to be bitterness that they weren't mine, there is now hope and joy, and the wonder whether my child will resemble them.
Just to feel positive, and yes, even alive again, is a feeling I wouldn't trade for the world. The only thing better than this will be when I'm holding my child in my arms for the first time.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I Have No Lid Upon My Head, But If I Did...
...you could look inside and see what's on my mind (Let You Down-Dave Matthews Band).
And what's on my mind is, of course, adoption.
I never realized how confusing and overwhelming just the decision making process would be! Domestic vs. International vs. Foster/Adopt. Infant or toddler? Singleton or sibling group? Which country? What about the Hague convention? Costs? Documentation?
All of these thoughts are racing willy-nilly through my head, spinning out of control. All that I do know for sure is that I'm ready to bring a child home and be a mom. It's the process of getting there that's hard. Not that I thought it would be easy, mind you. I just didn't think I would have such a hard time making the proper decisions. Which, honestly, is stupid considering this is, quite frankly, the BIGGEST decision I'll ever make in my life!
I've tried joining a few adoption groups on Yahoo, but they've really not been much help, especially considering how early I am in the process. Plus, there's the added burden of costs. We don't own a home that we could take out an equity loan on, and although there is the adoption tax credit, you still have to pony up the money yourself before you can even take the credit-money we don't have right now. I've looked into information about adoption fundrasiers, but a part of me is reluctant to participate. I can't even put a finger on why, especially since I pony up money all of the time for fundraisers for charity or for my co-worker's kids' school. I'm all about helping my fellow man, I just get all squicky when it comes to asking for help for myself. I suppose that comes from my independent nature. Plus, I feel like I have to "prove" something to myself and others by going it alone-I always have. Perhaps it's because I was raised by a mother who has always been co-dependent and relied heavily on the system to help her provide for her children (thanks to my drunk-ass father who never felt the need to support his family-but enough about my "daddy" issues), or just some part of my personality that always makes me reluctant to ask for help. I've been on my own since I was 17, and have tried my damnedest not to rely on others (besides Jake, for obvious reasons) to make it through life. I don't think it is necessarily a bad trait to have, in fact, I hope my children are just as independent in nature as Jake and I are.
Anyway, back to my dilemma. Obviously I'm sending up many wishes for Jake to secure a better paying job; one that would allow us to buy a home and afford the costs associated with adoption, but every day that passes by, the more impatient I become (patience is not one of my virtues), but here is what I do know so far:
1. I really, really, really, really, want to adopt an infant or baby. But really, an infant. I know to some this may seem selfish, but I look at it this way: even though I cannot birth my children, I still want to be there for as many moments as possible after said birth. I would also love to name my own child, have a nursery, baby shower, etc.-all the things birth parents get to do. I don't have a problem with toddlers or small children either, because I love kids, but at least for my first child, I'd love to have a baby, just to experience all the "firsts" for myself. Which, pretty much leaves domestic infant or Guatemala for my adoption choices. There is a chance I could get an infant through the foster/adopt program, but it's not likely.
2. For international, I really love the idea of Guatemala or Russia, however, I'm really scared by what I'm reading in regards to the Hague Convention. Is this going to make international adoption more expensive? Or, will I not be able to adopt from those countries at all? Anyone?
3. I'm scared, people. Scared shitless. Scared that if we go domestic or foster/adopt that the birthparents will change their minds, or be able to get their child(ren) back. The idea of losing a child that I thought would be mine forever is the most frightening aspect of adopting. The fear of loss is also what kept me up at night in regards to IVF-the "what ifs" about miscarriage, bad embryos, implantation issues,etc, after going through all of those medical procedures that cost as much as adoption, is really part of what turned me off from IVF. While I know adoption is never easy, and that there is a chance of a failed placement, the odds of me actually coming home with a child are greater than those of IVF. Of course, the whole idea of birthparents not being around to change their minds is what appeals to me with international. It's not that I'm anti-birthparent, I'm just anti-having-my-heart-and-bank-account-broken-by-a-failed-placement.
4. If we end up going the domestic infant route, I know there is the question regarding open adoption. I feel that I would only be comfortable with sending letters and photos to the b-parents through a facilitator. I would also be open to receiving letters from the b-parents for my child to have when we all feel the time is right. I know myself (and Jake) well enough to know that we're not at all able to embrace 100% open adoption. However, I realize what a wonderful gift my child would be, what a tremendous sacrifice this is for the b-parents, and how someday, my child will be curious about their background; so I feel I could not deny my child and his/her birthparents the opportunity to know something about each other.
Do you see why I'm so confused?
For all of my friends out there in the blogosphere and internet who have adopted, how did you make these decisions? Why did you choose your particular path to adoption? If you're comfortable with sharing the info, how did/are you affording the costs involved? Please, share anything you can think of; I'm desperate here!
Thanks in advance!
And what's on my mind is, of course, adoption.
I never realized how confusing and overwhelming just the decision making process would be! Domestic vs. International vs. Foster/Adopt. Infant or toddler? Singleton or sibling group? Which country? What about the Hague convention? Costs? Documentation?
All of these thoughts are racing willy-nilly through my head, spinning out of control. All that I do know for sure is that I'm ready to bring a child home and be a mom. It's the process of getting there that's hard. Not that I thought it would be easy, mind you. I just didn't think I would have such a hard time making the proper decisions. Which, honestly, is stupid considering this is, quite frankly, the BIGGEST decision I'll ever make in my life!
I've tried joining a few adoption groups on Yahoo, but they've really not been much help, especially considering how early I am in the process. Plus, there's the added burden of costs. We don't own a home that we could take out an equity loan on, and although there is the adoption tax credit, you still have to pony up the money yourself before you can even take the credit-money we don't have right now. I've looked into information about adoption fundrasiers, but a part of me is reluctant to participate. I can't even put a finger on why, especially since I pony up money all of the time for fundraisers for charity or for my co-worker's kids' school. I'm all about helping my fellow man, I just get all squicky when it comes to asking for help for myself. I suppose that comes from my independent nature. Plus, I feel like I have to "prove" something to myself and others by going it alone-I always have. Perhaps it's because I was raised by a mother who has always been co-dependent and relied heavily on the system to help her provide for her children (thanks to my drunk-ass father who never felt the need to support his family-but enough about my "daddy" issues), or just some part of my personality that always makes me reluctant to ask for help. I've been on my own since I was 17, and have tried my damnedest not to rely on others (besides Jake, for obvious reasons) to make it through life. I don't think it is necessarily a bad trait to have, in fact, I hope my children are just as independent in nature as Jake and I are.
Anyway, back to my dilemma. Obviously I'm sending up many wishes for Jake to secure a better paying job; one that would allow us to buy a home and afford the costs associated with adoption, but every day that passes by, the more impatient I become (patience is not one of my virtues), but here is what I do know so far:
1. I really, really, really, really, want to adopt an infant or baby. But really, an infant. I know to some this may seem selfish, but I look at it this way: even though I cannot birth my children, I still want to be there for as many moments as possible after said birth. I would also love to name my own child, have a nursery, baby shower, etc.-all the things birth parents get to do. I don't have a problem with toddlers or small children either, because I love kids, but at least for my first child, I'd love to have a baby, just to experience all the "firsts" for myself. Which, pretty much leaves domestic infant or Guatemala for my adoption choices. There is a chance I could get an infant through the foster/adopt program, but it's not likely.
2. For international, I really love the idea of Guatemala or Russia, however, I'm really scared by what I'm reading in regards to the Hague Convention. Is this going to make international adoption more expensive? Or, will I not be able to adopt from those countries at all? Anyone?
3. I'm scared, people. Scared shitless. Scared that if we go domestic or foster/adopt that the birthparents will change their minds, or be able to get their child(ren) back. The idea of losing a child that I thought would be mine forever is the most frightening aspect of adopting. The fear of loss is also what kept me up at night in regards to IVF-the "what ifs" about miscarriage, bad embryos, implantation issues,etc, after going through all of those medical procedures that cost as much as adoption, is really part of what turned me off from IVF. While I know adoption is never easy, and that there is a chance of a failed placement, the odds of me actually coming home with a child are greater than those of IVF. Of course, the whole idea of birthparents not being around to change their minds is what appeals to me with international. It's not that I'm anti-birthparent, I'm just anti-having-my-heart-and-bank-account-broken-by-a-failed-placement.
4. If we end up going the domestic infant route, I know there is the question regarding open adoption. I feel that I would only be comfortable with sending letters and photos to the b-parents through a facilitator. I would also be open to receiving letters from the b-parents for my child to have when we all feel the time is right. I know myself (and Jake) well enough to know that we're not at all able to embrace 100% open adoption. However, I realize what a wonderful gift my child would be, what a tremendous sacrifice this is for the b-parents, and how someday, my child will be curious about their background; so I feel I could not deny my child and his/her birthparents the opportunity to know something about each other.
Do you see why I'm so confused?
For all of my friends out there in the blogosphere and internet who have adopted, how did you make these decisions? Why did you choose your particular path to adoption? If you're comfortable with sharing the info, how did/are you affording the costs involved? Please, share anything you can think of; I'm desperate here!
Thanks in advance!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
The Big Annoucement
Ok, deep breath, here goes:
JAKEANDIAREGOINGTOADOPT!!!!!
Oh, sorry, too fast? Here it is again:
JAKE AND I ARE GOING TO ADOPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG, I'm so, so, so super psyched!! He and I had a nice conversation on Friday night about our plans for life, and where we wanted to be in the next couple of years when he dropped the bomb on me that YES, he was *FINALLY* ready for adoption!! I'm all teary-eyed thinking about it.
It's so crazy because he was the one who was the hold out for a biological child, but now he says he's really taken the time to think about it, and knows that biology isn't important, and he'll love an adopted child no differently than a biological one. He doesn't even care about race or if the child is an infant. I myself admit that I'd love to have an infant, only because I really want to experience raising a child from as close to birth as possible, since I won't be the one giving birth.
So, for now, we're still formulating our "adoption plan", but I'm thinking we'll either go foster/adopt (like my parents did with my sisters) or private domestic. The biggest restriction will be costs-as you all know, my broke self can't afford a super-expensive anything.
This is where you all come in. Please, if you know where I should look for research, what I should be doing, ANYTHING-please leave me a comment. I have no clue as to where to start. Mind you, we'd really like to buy a house first, because there is no way we have room for a child in our little 2 bedroom duplex that we currently reside in. So, I'm really looking at a 2 year time frame. However, just to be able to say "I'm adopting" out loud and to start to formulate those plans makes me feel so happy and excited-like I'm finally going to be a mom!!!!!
I haven't shared our news with family and friends yet (sorry if you're finding out by reading this), but we will soon. In fact, my brother, SIL and the kids are coming over for dinner tonight, and I plan to tell them then.
I feel like dancing around in circles, arms wide open, face up to the sun, laughing with joy!
I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JAKEANDIAREGOINGTOADOPT!!!!!
Oh, sorry, too fast? Here it is again:
JAKE AND I ARE GOING TO ADOPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG, I'm so, so, so super psyched!! He and I had a nice conversation on Friday night about our plans for life, and where we wanted to be in the next couple of years when he dropped the bomb on me that YES, he was *FINALLY* ready for adoption!! I'm all teary-eyed thinking about it.
It's so crazy because he was the one who was the hold out for a biological child, but now he says he's really taken the time to think about it, and knows that biology isn't important, and he'll love an adopted child no differently than a biological one. He doesn't even care about race or if the child is an infant. I myself admit that I'd love to have an infant, only because I really want to experience raising a child from as close to birth as possible, since I won't be the one giving birth.
So, for now, we're still formulating our "adoption plan", but I'm thinking we'll either go foster/adopt (like my parents did with my sisters) or private domestic. The biggest restriction will be costs-as you all know, my broke self can't afford a super-expensive anything.
This is where you all come in. Please, if you know where I should look for research, what I should be doing, ANYTHING-please leave me a comment. I have no clue as to where to start. Mind you, we'd really like to buy a house first, because there is no way we have room for a child in our little 2 bedroom duplex that we currently reside in. So, I'm really looking at a 2 year time frame. However, just to be able to say "I'm adopting" out loud and to start to formulate those plans makes me feel so happy and excited-like I'm finally going to be a mom!!!!!
I haven't shared our news with family and friends yet (sorry if you're finding out by reading this), but we will soon. In fact, my brother, SIL and the kids are coming over for dinner tonight, and I plan to tell them then.
I feel like dancing around in circles, arms wide open, face up to the sun, laughing with joy!
I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Guess I'm Not Alone After All
I just read Julia's post and comments from yesterday, and honestly it's made me feel a lot better about my own situation. It's so easy to forget that I'm not alone out here in the world with my infertility/family planning issues. We're not the only couple affected by endo and male factor. Nor are we the only infertile couple out there who cannot currently afford treatment or adoption. And we certainly aren't the only couple who can't decide/agree upon on which way is best to build our family.
When you're in that place of frustration, depression, fear, and anger, it's so easy to think you ARE the only one. If it weren't for the "internets", I don't know where I'd be today. Just to know that others are going through the same thing, and understand your pain, even if you don't know each other personally-is so empowering, and gives you some hope in this place of darkness.
When you're in that place of frustration, depression, fear, and anger, it's so easy to think you ARE the only one. If it weren't for the "internets", I don't know where I'd be today. Just to know that others are going through the same thing, and understand your pain, even if you don't know each other personally-is so empowering, and gives you some hope in this place of darkness.
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