Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Stepping Out Into The Sun

I know I have been extremely remiss in posting to this blog, but it is for a good reason. No, unfortunately, I'm not pregnant, however I am.....happy. Well and truly happy with my life right now.

For so long, I have allowed infertility to rule my every waking thought. For seven years my inability to bear a child has consumed me, made me less of a person. I couldn't truly enjoy my life and all there was in it. There was always a bitterness that tinged whatever joy I could find. I hated how the blackness of my depression would creep up on me at the most unexpected times. I forgot who I used to be.

No longer. Since our vacation, I have slowly begun to find myself again-the me I was so long ago, before this baby race began. I find myself able to hear about a friend's pregnancy without wincing, to watch happy families together without that tug in my heart, to make love to my husband without thinking about sperm counts, ovulation, temperatures. There is definitely a freedom in letting go and finding yourself. I keep myself busy with activities with my family and friends, and find myself planning for the future, without automatically including children in that equation.

That's not to say that I'm giving up on being a mother-not by any means. I fully intend to have children someday. However, I've let go of it being the sole purpose in my life. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with myself now, and as I take these tottering steps towards that future, I am filled with a hope I've never felt before.

So, you ask, where does that leave this blog? Well, I'm just going to shift gears for awhile and post about whatever's in my head at the moment, and lately, that's been politics. So, you may find that I'm taking a completely different direction then what you had expected. However, this blog is, and always has been, a form of catharsis for me-and I've got a lot on my mind, other than infertility, that I need to get out.

Now, I will eventually get around to doing those detailed vacation posts, but suffice it to say we had an absolutely marvelous time, and yes, Kellie, I did get my Papaw's knife back, I'm happy to report.

Until next post, I wish you all the peace and joy you can find in your life.......

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Is what I don't have alot of these days. I know you've all been waiting for the next installment of my vacation posts, and honestly, everyday I mean to post them, but either something comes up, or I just don't have it in me to sit and type for about an hour or so. I'm really sorry about that, and since I have nothing better to do at work tomorrow (don't tell my boss that!), I'll find time to put up the next vacation post.

So, until then, I'll see you later-I've got laundry to do!