Courtesty of: Married to the Sea
Showing posts with label Thanks for the Laughs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thanks for the Laughs. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
#1 Reason We Should Be Teaching Sex Ed In Schools Is
Because people are finding my blog by googling:
"Can you get pregnant if the guy is wearing pants?"
'Nuff said.
And you wonder why I'm a liberal?!
"Can you get pregnant if the guy is wearing pants?"
'Nuff said.
And you wonder why I'm a liberal?!
Monday, September 25, 2006
To Whom It May Concern:
If you are the person who reached this blog via googling "dry hump pregnancy", thank you. I really needed a good laugh on a Monday morning.
Seriously though, what does dry humping during pregnancy have to do with my blog? I don't recall discussing this topic, do you? However, now that you ask, I say, just go for it. Obviously, it's too late to prevent a pregnancy, so why not just go for the full she-bang? The cow's already been let out of that barn, so there's no sense in closing the door now! Unless you're referring to something like "Can you get pregnant by dry humping?" Then, it depends. If there is ejaculation involved by the male, then there is always a slight possibility. If you want to avoid pregnancy, stay away from the sperm at all costs! This includes the pre-ejaculate. Don't let any of the "babyjuice" near your vagina! Thoroughly wash your/his hands after engaging in petting, but before allowing the boy to "pet" you. Unless, of course, you're infertile, then it doesn't really matter, does it? However, stranger things have happened, I mean, look at my friend Aimee-she got pregnant while using a condom-one that didn't break! So, kids, just remember: if you're willing to engage in sexual activity, you've got to be willing to accept the consequences of your actions.
And that's your Sex Ed lecture of the day! Carry on, now!
Seriously though, what does dry humping during pregnancy have to do with my blog? I don't recall discussing this topic, do you? However, now that you ask, I say, just go for it. Obviously, it's too late to prevent a pregnancy, so why not just go for the full she-bang? The cow's already been let out of that barn, so there's no sense in closing the door now! Unless you're referring to something like "Can you get pregnant by dry humping?" Then, it depends. If there is ejaculation involved by the male, then there is always a slight possibility. If you want to avoid pregnancy, stay away from the sperm at all costs! This includes the pre-ejaculate. Don't let any of the "babyjuice" near your vagina! Thoroughly wash your/his hands after engaging in petting, but before allowing the boy to "pet" you. Unless, of course, you're infertile, then it doesn't really matter, does it? However, stranger things have happened, I mean, look at my friend Aimee-she got pregnant while using a condom-one that didn't break! So, kids, just remember: if you're willing to engage in sexual activity, you've got to be willing to accept the consequences of your actions.
And that's your Sex Ed lecture of the day! Carry on, now!
Monday, August 21, 2006
My Subconscious Is An Asshole (and other various observations)
Over the weekend, I fell into a funk over a dream that I'd had. "What kind of dream", you ask? Well, a baby dream, of course!!
I dreamt that I'd finally given birth, yet I refused to believe that the precious being in my arms was real. Everyone in the dream kept telling me that "Yes, you really did have a baby!" and I kept telling them that it wasn't possible, that this must all be a dream. To prove my point, I opened the curtains on a window in the birthing suite, and outside that window was: South America. (don't ask me how I knew it was South America, I just did, ok?) I proclaimed that I didn't live in S. America, therefore this really was a dream. And instantly I awoke. Why the funk? Well, because in the dream there were genuine moments of emotion where I felt overwhelmed with love for this tiny baby, and I wanted it to be true with all my heart.
Also, I keep having nightmares-which is really weird since I used to hardly ever have them. So, see-my subconscious really is an asshole!
************************************************************************************
I've never seen "When Harry Met Sally". This, despite my love for the rom-com genre. Does this make me weird?
************************************************************************************
I was looking at my sitemeter yesterday, and made the following observations:
The #1 Google-linked hit to my blog: I hate Angelina Jolie.
Ok folks, I don't really hate Angie-the post was tongue-in-cheek. So, I'm really sorry if you came here looking for some "Team Aniston" support, 'cause you won't find it here. Not that I wish Jen ill, in fact, I hope she and Vince work out-it's just that I didn't take sides in the initial fray. And really, why are you taking the time to Google this? Do you truly despise a celebrity that much? Interesting....
The #2 Google-linked hit to my blog: Vericocile
Hey, I understand what you're going through, and I'm really sorry to "hear" about your fertility problems. I hope the surgery (should you/your partner elect to do it) works out, and that you'll be as fertile as a, well, um....fertile person! Best of luck to you!
Some other referrals are still coming from that debacle I was involved with awhile back-you know the one I'm referring to-and if you don't you'll just have to wonder, because I will not rehash it here. It's done, it's over with-move on rubberneckers! Seriously-GO AWAY!! I don't need the site traffic, I'm perfectly happy with the 5 or so people who read this blog on a regular basis, it leaves me more space to speak my mind, without as much censorship. I'm sorry if you came here looking for a "trainwreck", and all you found was a "crazy" liberal with a penchant for all things 80's and an empty uterus. I sooo hate to disappoint you, truly.
************************************************************************************
I'm starting my 2nd job tonight. You know...the one I mentioned earlier that I would be interviewing for? Anyway, finances being what they currently are in my household, I thought it prudent to acquire additional funds through gainful employment before I was forced to the poor-house. The job is cleaning an elementary school from 6-9 pm, Monday-Friday, excluding school holidays. My friend, Aimee, and I teamed up to do this together, and it's going to be a lot easier than what it sounds. All we basically have to do is vacuum/mop the floors, wipe down sinks, and stock toilet paper and paper towels. The school is not a large one, so we'll probably get it down to being there for only 2 hours. It's not going to be a lot of money, but every little bit helps, ya know! Besides, it's better to make money (and get some exercise in the process!) rather than sit on my ass at home watching t.v. and doing nothing each night.
Ok, well, that's it in a nutshell! Lemme know if there's anything else your inquiring minds want to know, and I'll see what I can come up with!
I dreamt that I'd finally given birth, yet I refused to believe that the precious being in my arms was real. Everyone in the dream kept telling me that "Yes, you really did have a baby!" and I kept telling them that it wasn't possible, that this must all be a dream. To prove my point, I opened the curtains on a window in the birthing suite, and outside that window was: South America. (don't ask me how I knew it was South America, I just did, ok?) I proclaimed that I didn't live in S. America, therefore this really was a dream. And instantly I awoke. Why the funk? Well, because in the dream there were genuine moments of emotion where I felt overwhelmed with love for this tiny baby, and I wanted it to be true with all my heart.
Also, I keep having nightmares-which is really weird since I used to hardly ever have them. So, see-my subconscious really is an asshole!
************************************************************************************
I've never seen "When Harry Met Sally". This, despite my love for the rom-com genre. Does this make me weird?
************************************************************************************
I was looking at my sitemeter yesterday, and made the following observations:
The #1 Google-linked hit to my blog: I hate Angelina Jolie.
Ok folks, I don't really hate Angie-the post was tongue-in-cheek. So, I'm really sorry if you came here looking for some "Team Aniston" support, 'cause you won't find it here. Not that I wish Jen ill, in fact, I hope she and Vince work out-it's just that I didn't take sides in the initial fray. And really, why are you taking the time to Google this? Do you truly despise a celebrity that much? Interesting....
The #2 Google-linked hit to my blog: Vericocile
Hey, I understand what you're going through, and I'm really sorry to "hear" about your fertility problems. I hope the surgery (should you/your partner elect to do it) works out, and that you'll be as fertile as a, well, um....fertile person! Best of luck to you!
Some other referrals are still coming from that debacle I was involved with awhile back-you know the one I'm referring to-and if you don't you'll just have to wonder, because I will not rehash it here. It's done, it's over with-move on rubberneckers! Seriously-GO AWAY!! I don't need the site traffic, I'm perfectly happy with the 5 or so people who read this blog on a regular basis, it leaves me more space to speak my mind, without as much censorship. I'm sorry if you came here looking for a "trainwreck", and all you found was a "crazy" liberal with a penchant for all things 80's and an empty uterus. I sooo hate to disappoint you, truly.
************************************************************************************
I'm starting my 2nd job tonight. You know...the one I mentioned earlier that I would be interviewing for? Anyway, finances being what they currently are in my household, I thought it prudent to acquire additional funds through gainful employment before I was forced to the poor-house. The job is cleaning an elementary school from 6-9 pm, Monday-Friday, excluding school holidays. My friend, Aimee, and I teamed up to do this together, and it's going to be a lot easier than what it sounds. All we basically have to do is vacuum/mop the floors, wipe down sinks, and stock toilet paper and paper towels. The school is not a large one, so we'll probably get it down to being there for only 2 hours. It's not going to be a lot of money, but every little bit helps, ya know! Besides, it's better to make money (and get some exercise in the process!) rather than sit on my ass at home watching t.v. and doing nothing each night.
Ok, well, that's it in a nutshell! Lemme know if there's anything else your inquiring minds want to know, and I'll see what I can come up with!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
It's Monday...
...that means it's time to laugh at the President:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh George!! You ARE good for chuckle!! (and that's about ALL you're good for!)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh George!! You ARE good for chuckle!! (and that's about ALL you're good for!)
Monday, July 24, 2006
Ticking Away!
So, since I'm not pregnant, can't get pregnant (at least not anytime soon), but want to be a part of the "in" crowd, I got myself one of those "tickers" you see on blogs and bb's all the time.
You know the ones I'm talking about-they count down pregnancies to the due date or say people's children's ages in days, weeks, months and years. My little green monster thought I shouldn't be excluded, sooooo, if you scroll down to the bottom of my page, you'll see a ticker that states my age and counts down the time until my next birthday. Pretty handy, if I say so myself.
You know the ones I'm talking about-they count down pregnancies to the due date or say people's children's ages in days, weeks, months and years. My little green monster thought I shouldn't be excluded, sooooo, if you scroll down to the bottom of my page, you'll see a ticker that states my age and counts down the time until my next birthday. Pretty handy, if I say so myself.
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