Monday, February 26, 2007
I know that by taking the time to get our finances in order before adopting means that we'll not only be able to afford a better house to bring our child home to, but also the adoption costs won't be such a burden to bear.
It's just so hard emotionally when you're ready to be a parent and there's all these obstacles in your way. I think a lot of my "panic" also has to do with the fact that I will be 30 this year, and I really never thought it would take me this long to become a mother. Not that 30 is old, but seeing as how I started TTC when I was 21, it does feel like forever.
Like I said, I always bounce back, and the spring-like weather we've been having has been a real pick-me-up. It's hard to feel down when the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you feel a warm breeze upon your skin.
Once again, thank you so much for all of your love and support. It truly means the world to me.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
We can't conceive a child, and in no way, shape, or form do I want to pursue ART anymore, yet I cannot start any of the adoption proceedings that I so desperately wish I could. We are in no way prepared to even start a home study-our home is too small, and we're thinking of downsizing to a one bedroom apartment for awhile just to save money to pay off our debts.
Debt-yet another reason that our adoption proceedings are delayed. I know, it's our (well, mostly my) fault for letting spending get out of control. Until our debts are paid down, we cannot buy a house, or pay an agency to pursue an adoption. I'm so sick of staying in this holding pattern-it's repetitive, boring, and most of all frustrating. I'm almost 30, and yet I don't feel like an adult. Most of the milestones that define adulthood: college graduate, homeowner, parent, I have yet to reach.
I guess I'm just sad, frustrated, and burned out to some degree. I know only I can change my circumstances, and my outlook, but I guess I just have to wallow in it for a day or so. I'll be OK, I always am, eventually.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Apparently, my asshole uterus got wind that my Hope Meter was on high, and decided to lay a smack down-and at a birthing class (with Aimee, I'm her labor "companion"), no less.
Added to this unwelcome "surprise": seeing how loving all the couples were to each other in the birthing class-knowing Jake and I will never get to share that experience- and then at the end of class, having the instructor inquiring as to when I'm due. Yeah, great.
Thank G-d that was our last class.
Think I'll have a stiff drink and a nice painkiller now.
If it doesn't make an appearance soon, I'll be forced to invite FRED over
I don't like FRED, because FRED never has any "positive" news for me
After 8 years, you'd think I'd be used to that by now, but I'm not
All this does is up my Hope Meter, and we all know what a dissapointment that can be
The daydreams get stronger the longer this thing stays away
The a.m. nausea (twice now) doesn't help, either
Other than that, there's no evidence of anything at all, one way or another
(Sigh) Well, like I keep telling myself, even if something does finally show up, it's not a big deal, because someday I'll have something to hold in my arms, even if it's not made from me
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Although I didn't watch the Grammy's last night (Jake and I were celebrating V-Day early), I was more than pleased to find out that the Dixie Chicks won all 5 of their nominated categories, and I don't care if they won for political reasons or not. Their album (Taking the Long Way) is actually a really great album, and it's not unreasonable to think that they won based upon artistic merit. However, if the vote was political, it's nice to see someone be rewarded (albeit, a bit late, IMO) for actually speaking out, and not forced to maintain the "status quo". I've always been a fan of the Chicks, and have become an even bigger fan since the entire snafu.
For anyone who thinks that celebrities shouldn't be spouting their political beliefs, I ask you "Why not?". Just because they are famous, doesn't take away the fact that they are also Americans, who are protected under the rights of Free Speech-the same rights you and I have. Don't other bloggers (like myself) express their political and social opinions in a public forum, and aren't many of them now infamous because of their blogs? What's the difference there? Or with a newscaster making political commentary? The simple fact is, there isn't one. Let us all not become the mindless lemmings who follow the propaganda blindly without informing ourselves of the real issues, and of what's important to ourselves as individuals. What's right for you may not be right for me, but we should all become educated on WHY we believe what we do, and I mean REALLY educated-not just listening to others' opinions, but forming our own based on real research from all sources. And don't be afraid to listen to a differing opinion, because you might actually learn something. If our Founding Fathers had not found their voice, and became famous dissidents, then there wouldn't be an America. Because they spoke out against what they felt was a tyrannical ruler, and they stood up for their beliefs, and were willing to fight for them, we now have the right and privilege to do the same. Let us honor them by following their great example.