Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Phone Peeves

I'm a receptionist. This requires me to field calls from various idiots and telemarketers all day, which drives me up a wall. I seriously wish all telemarketing businesses would burn down, and never be rebuilt. Here are some of my biggest peeves when it comes to people calling my job:

1) Telemarketers who think they are soooo clever by asking for someone by their first name. Hello! We have caller id!! Besides, when you call asking for the the person who has been retired for years, but maintains an office here, I think you're giving yourself away.

2) People who call up and feel the need to tell me every detail as to why they are calling. "Hi. This is so and so, with such and such, calling about this and that for blah blah." Look. All I need is the name of the person you are calling for and YOUR name, so that I can announce you. That's it. Nothing else. Shut your piehole.

3) When I tell the person calling that so and so is unavailable, they're all like "Well, maybe YOU can help me?" Um, NO!! I'm just the receptionist, dude. I don't participate in what my employer does, I just answer their phone.

4) Persistent telemarketers (see a trend?). Listen, asshole, can't you take a hint? If the person you are calling for is consistently "unavailable" then perhaps they don't wish to buy whatever it is you're selling. AND....

5) If I put you into voice mail, don't call back and tell me "Oh, I got their voice mail, is there anyone else I could speak with?" NO!!! Nobody wants to talk to you, GO AWAY!!!

6) When I tell you that the person you are calling for is on the phone, don't ask to be placed on hold, it's annoying. Just leave a voice mail already, would you? This especially applies to those of you whom I've announced and been told that the person you are calling for doesn't want to speak with you. In that case, I'll leave your ass on hold all day. I'm not going anywhere, and I have nothing better to do.

7) If you see our number on your caller id, don't call back and say "I saw this number on my caller id. Who called me?" Well, considering I have 45 employees, I have no freakin' idea, buddy. If they didn't leave you a message, they obviously didn't want to talk to you that badly, did they? Or else they'll call back. Did you ever hear of a "wrong number"? It happens, you know.

8) In the same vein, if you dial us by mistake, don't argue that fact with me! If I tell you we have no one here by that name, I'm not lying. Get a grip! Am I sure? No, I'm just fucking with you...OF COURSE I'm sure! I work here, you don't!!

Whew!! OK, now that I've got THAT out of my system, I feel somewhat better. Rant over.


Aimee said...

OMG I was rolling laughing reading this!!! That stuff is so true!!

Aimee said...

Oh, I forgot to mention how annoying it is when people call and ask for someone and we say "Im sorry sir/maam he/she isnt in the office" and they are like "they just called me" URGG It is so annoying when attorneys dont tell us they are here! Makes us look like idiots!!!!!

Jan B said...

True, true. When I was a legal secretary for an law firm, someone called saying, "Could I speak with Mr. Carney or Mr. Good" and the receptionist told him in the sweetest voice, "I'm sorry, they're both dead, can anyone else help you?" I loved that line.

Paradise19 said...

Man, it sounds like you have a lot of idiots calling over there! If only you could tell them what you really want to say, haha!

a&mg said...

Our new favorite game in the house is to screw with the telemarketers when they call us. Once we would only quote Napoleon Dynamite lines the whole time, once we spoke only what little bit of Mandarin we know, and once my husband just said the word "bananas" over and over again.