Monday, January 10, 2005

Conversations With God pt. 1 (Updated)

(Disclaimer: Yes, I'm an atheist, but I wasn't quite to grips with that yet when I wrote this. Besides, I think it's pretty funny!)

Me: So, God.

God: Yes, my child?

M: Jake was watching some really crap religious programming this morning....

G: Jake was doing what?! But he doesn't believe in me!

M: I know, but we know that he's secretly just agnostic, not athiest.

G: True. Anyway, you were saying...

M: Oh yeah. So, on this show, the preacher was saying that by sending his ministry money, I can get the devil out of my life. Doesn't that reek of Tony Soprano "protection money"? Besides, I didn't realize you had so much overhead that my measly ten percent was going to help that much.

G: Well, I have been eyeing that new Bentley, and Jesus could really use some spinners for the Navigator.

M: Ahhhh.....I see, sort of.

G: What? You didn't catch my episode of "Cribs"?

M: Afraid not, I don't watch much t.v. these days.

G: Well, let me tell you, pearly gates and streets of gold don't come cheap.

M: Oh, well, in that case, my bad God. My bad.

G: No problem. You're forgiven.

M: Hey, thanks! Mighty generous of you!

G: It's what I do.

M: Peace out, G-Homey.

G: Keep it real, foshizzle.


Paradise19 said...

So...does Jake think he's atheist? What's this whole secrecy thing? It always sounded like he was agnostic to me too, but I didn't have the heart to tell him.

The Singing Butler said...

Ahhhh. Now it all makes perfect sense. God needs his bling, you know.