And I'm not talking about a George Clinton and Parliament kind of funk.
Once again, I'm going through one of my "downer" phases, always related to my infertility struggle. The older I get, the worse it gets, because I feel like time is running out for me. I know, I'm only 28, and others, like my friend Kellie, are in their 40's and having children, so I shouldn't give up hope. But, just like I always had the overwhelming sense that I would have fertility problems, I know that if I don't conceive via IVF by the time I'm 32-33, it's not gonna happen for me, and that makes me incredibly sad. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
Please, don't think I'm bashing on adoption, or that I'm not even considering it, I am. It's just that for us, we feel the need to at least try IVF before being able to emotionally let go of our biological urge to procreate and move on to adoption. I think adoption is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and I've known a lot of people to take this route when creating a family, and they are extremely happy with their decision. I wish I could do the same, but for whatever reason, I have this overwhelming need to carry life within me, and give birth to that life. Therein lies the difference. I know I am fully capable of loving and accepting an adopted child no differently than a biological one, but I would regret not trying IVF for the rest of my life if we didn't take that step. I would forever play the "what if" game.
I was watching "Parenthood" last night on cable. I really love that movie, but it left me feeling so, so, sad. Watching the interactions of the parents with the kids, and all the drama that having a family entails, yet all the love at the same time, is so touching. The movie reiterated just how badly I want Jake and I to be parents. I know he'll make such a fabulous father, and I'm sure I'll be a great mom. It breaks my heart that we're having to go through this. That any of us have to. It sucks, sucks, SUCKS!!!
So, while I'm going through this "phase" I'll be in "cocoon" mode, where I insulate myself from the world for awhile, at least until I can get a better grip on my emotions. I hope to be back soon. Thanks for understanding.
(PS: I've re-opened the comments section again.)
Monday, February 20, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
For Your Consideration...
Here are some entertainment bits that I've currently enjoyed, and thought I'd pass along:
Movies:
Glory RoadFor 2 reasons:
1. Josh Lucas es muy caliente*! (*very hot, I mean, did you see him in Sweet Home Alabama?!)
2. I have a serious weakness for sports movies. I guess it's that whole, "Underdog team comes from behind to win the game, but not before learning some very important life lesson along the way" kind of thing. Who knows? Either way, I always tear up at some point during the film.
Hustle & FlowBecause, "You know it's hard out here for a pimp", for real yo. (Now nominated for 2 Oscars: Best Actor: Terrance Howard, Best Original Song: "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp"!! See, it's a quality film-the Academy even says so!)
Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife by Linda Berdoll
James Blunt - Back to Bedlam
Books:
Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife by Linda BerdollA sort of "sequel" to Pride and Prejudice, it tells the story of what happens after the wedding of Darcy and Elizabeth. I love this book and am reading it for the second time. However, most JA "purists" do not like this book, because it is chock-full of "coital" scenes, like a romance novel.
Music:
James Blunt - Back to Bedlam"You're Beautiful" is hauntingly beautiful, indeed.
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" is a fun, upbeat ditty.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Need I Say More?
Read this article and then have the nerve to ask me again why I don't believe in God.
Bitches like this are allowed to breed kids left and right, yet I'm not even able to conceive one child!? Tell me, where's God in that?
If there is a God, then he's an asshole for allowing shit like this to happen. I used to think things happened for a reason, now I see just that "shit happens". There is no reason, or why, or mystic/religious how behind it. It just is, and it sucks.
*Rant Over*
Bitches like this are allowed to breed kids left and right, yet I'm not even able to conceive one child!? Tell me, where's God in that?
If there is a God, then he's an asshole for allowing shit like this to happen. I used to think things happened for a reason, now I see just that "shit happens". There is no reason, or why, or mystic/religious how behind it. It just is, and it sucks.
*Rant Over*
It Was The Worst Of Times...
My very best friend, Aimee (whose pictures you can see in my flickr account), a wonderful, kind, sweet, giving, 25 year old, has suffered what appears to be a stroke.
Yesterday, at lunch, she and I went to the blood drive in our building to do our part. I was declined to donate, because I currently have a nasty case of bronchitis and am on antibiotics. I hung around to wait while Aimee gave blood, and to keep her company. After swabbing her arm with iodine, and before inserting the needle, I saw Aimee give me a funny look, then turn to talk to the nurse. I saw the nurse call over another, and then saw them put away the tubes and collection bag. I walked over to see what was happening, and Aimee told me (in a very slurred voice) that she didn't "feel right". The nurse asked if this was how she always talked and I told her "no". Then, I noticed that the right side of Aimee's mouth was drooping. So I asked Aimee to smile, and when she could only smile with the left side of her mouth, I knew something serious was going on. "Stroke" immediately entered my mind, but I dismissed it, because Aimee is not in a high risk category, and she was fine a few minutes before. The nurse called over her supervisor, who then called the on-call Dr. on her cell. The Dr. said that she should see her Dr., but that it was probably nervousness from donating. The nurses kept taking Aimee's blood pressure, and were trying to keep her calm, as was I. In the meantime, she was deteriorating to the point where she had weakness on her entire right side. She could barely move her limbs in that side and felt a "tingling" sensation in her right hand. I called her grandmother (who is our boss) to come up, and by the time she arrived, the decision had been made to take her to the ER. After I had to come back up to our office (leaving Aimee w/her grandmother), the decision to transport her via ambulance had been made. At the hospital, Aimee underwent a CT scan, and numerous other tests, but nothing came of it. She is now at the Dr.'s office, who will hopefully be able to shed some light on this mystery. She is still having problems with weakness, and some slurred speech, which continues to make me think she's had a stroke.
Needless to say, I am beside myself with worry. How can something like this happen to a perfectly normal, healthy, almost-26 year old woman? I feel so completely helpless, and don't know what to do with myself. I know all I can do is be there for her, and support her, no matter what happens. I guess this just drives home the point that anything can happen to any of us, at anytime. You never know. And that's what makes me most scared of all.....
*Updated to add: I've spoken with Aimee's grandmother (my boss), who has confirmed via the Dr., that she has indeed suffered a mild stroke. The Dr. is very optimistic that thanks to her age and health, she'll recover quickly. He even expressed that he thinks she'll regain full use of her right arm/hand within the next 10 days or so. She has to undergo physical therapy everyday, and is on various medications, including blood thinners. She'll have an MRI, echocardiogram, and ultrasound next Wednesday to see if they can determine not only what caused the stroke, but see if there is any permanent damage.*
Yesterday, at lunch, she and I went to the blood drive in our building to do our part. I was declined to donate, because I currently have a nasty case of bronchitis and am on antibiotics. I hung around to wait while Aimee gave blood, and to keep her company. After swabbing her arm with iodine, and before inserting the needle, I saw Aimee give me a funny look, then turn to talk to the nurse. I saw the nurse call over another, and then saw them put away the tubes and collection bag. I walked over to see what was happening, and Aimee told me (in a very slurred voice) that she didn't "feel right". The nurse asked if this was how she always talked and I told her "no". Then, I noticed that the right side of Aimee's mouth was drooping. So I asked Aimee to smile, and when she could only smile with the left side of her mouth, I knew something serious was going on. "Stroke" immediately entered my mind, but I dismissed it, because Aimee is not in a high risk category, and she was fine a few minutes before. The nurse called over her supervisor, who then called the on-call Dr. on her cell. The Dr. said that she should see her Dr., but that it was probably nervousness from donating. The nurses kept taking Aimee's blood pressure, and were trying to keep her calm, as was I. In the meantime, she was deteriorating to the point where she had weakness on her entire right side. She could barely move her limbs in that side and felt a "tingling" sensation in her right hand. I called her grandmother (who is our boss) to come up, and by the time she arrived, the decision had been made to take her to the ER. After I had to come back up to our office (leaving Aimee w/her grandmother), the decision to transport her via ambulance had been made. At the hospital, Aimee underwent a CT scan, and numerous other tests, but nothing came of it. She is now at the Dr.'s office, who will hopefully be able to shed some light on this mystery. She is still having problems with weakness, and some slurred speech, which continues to make me think she's had a stroke.
Needless to say, I am beside myself with worry. How can something like this happen to a perfectly normal, healthy, almost-26 year old woman? I feel so completely helpless, and don't know what to do with myself. I know all I can do is be there for her, and support her, no matter what happens. I guess this just drives home the point that anything can happen to any of us, at anytime. You never know. And that's what makes me most scared of all.....
*Updated to add: I've spoken with Aimee's grandmother (my boss), who has confirmed via the Dr., that she has indeed suffered a mild stroke. The Dr. is very optimistic that thanks to her age and health, she'll recover quickly. He even expressed that he thinks she'll regain full use of her right arm/hand within the next 10 days or so. She has to undergo physical therapy everyday, and is on various medications, including blood thinners. She'll have an MRI, echocardiogram, and ultrasound next Wednesday to see if they can determine not only what caused the stroke, but see if there is any permanent damage.*
Monday, January 23, 2006
Just When IS Someday, Anyway?
(Disclaimer: This post would fall under that "Incoherent Ramblings" category I speak of in my header...)
I really am tired of waiting for someday. You know, "someday" we'll be able to afford a vacation, "someday" I'll freakin' graduate, "someday" we'll buy a house, "someday" we'll be able to have kids. I hate "someday", because "someday" never comes, or at least not fast enough for me (I of the persistently impatient nature).
It seems that "someday" seems to be dicated by something else I can't stand: "money" or, "lack thereof". See, even when that "someday" arrives when I graduate, or even when Jake graduates, we'll be in debt up to our eyeballs with our student loans. So, by the time we're somewhat financially stable, will I even have eggs that are worth a shit to try IVF?!?
I know we're trying, dammit; we're trying as hard as we can to make a better life for ourselves, but I've already waited 7 years for my child, and I'm getting sick of the continued wait. We are going be fabulous parents, fabulous I tell ya! We have so much bottled up love from waiting for said child, that they may OD on our joyous attention. Poor kid, we're gonna smother it with love.
It just kills me to look at my husband, the man I love more than breathing, and to envision him holding our baby in his arms, and knowing that that fantasy is so far off in the future that it seems impossible to come true. He's so great with kids, I know he's going to make a fantastic father, #1 DAD shirts and all that jazz. Now, I have the added pressure of knowing my in-laws are finally into the whole grandparent idea, and they're ready to see some grandchildren! Of course, they know all about our fertility issues, we're totally "out" to everyone about IF, but just knowing that they want us to have kids just as much as we want to is even more of a burden.
Alright, alright, I'm making no sense now, guess I just needed to vent. I'll post more coherently interesting stories later.....
I really am tired of waiting for someday. You know, "someday" we'll be able to afford a vacation, "someday" I'll freakin' graduate, "someday" we'll buy a house, "someday" we'll be able to have kids. I hate "someday", because "someday" never comes, or at least not fast enough for me (I of the persistently impatient nature).
It seems that "someday" seems to be dicated by something else I can't stand: "money" or, "lack thereof". See, even when that "someday" arrives when I graduate, or even when Jake graduates, we'll be in debt up to our eyeballs with our student loans. So, by the time we're somewhat financially stable, will I even have eggs that are worth a shit to try IVF?!?
I know we're trying, dammit; we're trying as hard as we can to make a better life for ourselves, but I've already waited 7 years for my child, and I'm getting sick of the continued wait. We are going be fabulous parents, fabulous I tell ya! We have so much bottled up love from waiting for said child, that they may OD on our joyous attention. Poor kid, we're gonna smother it with love.
It just kills me to look at my husband, the man I love more than breathing, and to envision him holding our baby in his arms, and knowing that that fantasy is so far off in the future that it seems impossible to come true. He's so great with kids, I know he's going to make a fantastic father, #1 DAD shirts and all that jazz. Now, I have the added pressure of knowing my in-laws are finally into the whole grandparent idea, and they're ready to see some grandchildren! Of course, they know all about our fertility issues, we're totally "out" to everyone about IF, but just knowing that they want us to have kids just as much as we want to is even more of a burden.
Alright, alright, I'm making no sense now, guess I just needed to vent. I'll post more coherently interesting stories later.....
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Post To Bring You This Important Announcement:
Hey everyone!
I received this email from MoveOn.org, and signed the petition. If you agree with me that the Administration has gone too far, please feel free to follow the link below and add your voice to mine and countless others. I'm normally not a petition-y kind of person, but this one is definitely worthwhile. Let's hope it makes a difference!
PS: If you live in Oklahoma, be sure to support Gov. Brad Henry in his bid for re-election. Gov. Henry is a great man, who has not only fulfilled his campaign promises, but has made our State a better place to live during his term. Don't let assholes like Earnest Istook win and take our State back to the Dark Ages.
Also, don't forget that there are very important mid-term elections this year! Let's make a difference in November! Get out the vote and let your voice be heard! Politics in action, baby! Yeah!
Subject: The President Broke the Law
Hi,
President Bush admitted to personally authorizing thousands of allegedly illegal wiretaps, and he doesn't plan to stop. Circumventing the Constitution is serious business.
This is a big moment. People from across the political spectrum are standing together to protect the rule of law and the principles that are core to our identity as Americans.
Can you sign this petition to show Congress that Americans want a thorough investigation of the president's secret wiretapping program?http://political.moveon.org/ruleoflaw/
Thanks!
I received this email from MoveOn.org, and signed the petition. If you agree with me that the Administration has gone too far, please feel free to follow the link below and add your voice to mine and countless others. I'm normally not a petition-y kind of person, but this one is definitely worthwhile. Let's hope it makes a difference!
PS: If you live in Oklahoma, be sure to support Gov. Brad Henry in his bid for re-election. Gov. Henry is a great man, who has not only fulfilled his campaign promises, but has made our State a better place to live during his term. Don't let assholes like Earnest Istook win and take our State back to the Dark Ages.
Also, don't forget that there are very important mid-term elections this year! Let's make a difference in November! Get out the vote and let your voice be heard! Politics in action, baby! Yeah!
Subject: The President Broke the Law
Hi,
President Bush admitted to personally authorizing thousands of allegedly illegal wiretaps, and he doesn't plan to stop. Circumventing the Constitution is serious business.
This is a big moment. People from across the political spectrum are standing together to protect the rule of law and the principles that are core to our identity as Americans.
Can you sign this petition to show Congress that Americans want a thorough investigation of the president's secret wiretapping program?http://political.moveon.org/ruleoflaw/
Thanks!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
I Hate Angelina Jolie
Not because I'm on Team Aniston or some other such bullshit. Nope, I hate her for this reason. It's not bad enough that: a) She's a fabulously wealthy, Oscar winning, beautiful actress, b) she has been lucky enough to adopt not one but two gorgeous children, as well as, c) she gets to see Brad Pitt naked whenever she wants. Now, she has to put icing on that cake and go and get herself knocked up! Damn it! I truly wish she and Brad and their little family all the best, but I shall seethe with jealousy while parlaying my good wishes through gritted teeth.
On another celebrity baby-watch note: the word is Courtney Cox and David Arquette are once again undergoing IVF in order to provide baby Coco with a sibling. I say good for them! It's nice when celebrities come out with their fertility struggles. While I understand the need for privacy, especially with something so personal as infertility, we've all seen how celebrities can bring the spotlight to many medical issues. By "coming out" about their inferitlity, so to speak, stars like Cox and Brooke Sheilds (but not YOU Julia Roberts, you still insist that twins run in your family...yeah right), help to ease the stigma of infertility and help the public understand the struggle couples undergo in pursuit of building a family.
On another celebrity baby-watch note: the word is Courtney Cox and David Arquette are once again undergoing IVF in order to provide baby Coco with a sibling. I say good for them! It's nice when celebrities come out with their fertility struggles. While I understand the need for privacy, especially with something so personal as infertility, we've all seen how celebrities can bring the spotlight to many medical issues. By "coming out" about their inferitlity, so to speak, stars like Cox and Brooke Sheilds (but not YOU Julia Roberts, you still insist that twins run in your family...yeah right), help to ease the stigma of infertility and help the public understand the struggle couples undergo in pursuit of building a family.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Big Brother IS Watching You
This incensed me beyond all belief! The government has some fucking nerve opening private correspondence under the guise of "Homeland Security". And don't come at me with that pseudo-patriotic bullshit about how we all have to make sacrifices to keep our country safer. I'm willing to wait in a 2 hour long security line at the airport, just to be screened by totally inept and completely underpaid screeners who think that I can hijack a fucking 757 with my nail clippers, I don't mind that at all. Or being screened at any public venue-that's cool with me. But, when you start opening and reading people's mail just on the really off-hand chance that Al-Qaida is sending love letters to sleeper cells, then buddy, you've gone too far. I'm already supremely pissed that what I've suspected all along about the government spying on us without cause has now been proven true, but this is just icing on my cake. Maybe those guys who believe in the "black helicopters" were right all along?
I don't know if I can take another 3 years of this shit!!!! Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!! (Excuse me while my head explodes in rage....)
I don't know if I can take another 3 years of this shit!!!! Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!! (Excuse me while my head explodes in rage....)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
This Post Is Brought To You By The Letter "C"
As in a COLD. As in, despite my repeatedly telling my co-workers and hubby that I can not afford to get sick, the assholes germinated me anyway. So, here I sit, with a head full of nasty gunk, while trying to resist the urge to drill a hold in my skull to relieve the pressure. Also, since I can't breathe through my nose, I'm sitting around with my mouth hanging open, looking something like this. Not very attractive, Muriel. Needless to say, this craptastic cold has left me drained, and as such, I have been neglecting my blogging duties. Hang with me, folks, hopefully I'll be back to my not-so-normal self soon.
PS: Here's a topic for you to mull over while I recover: With the (most likely) imminent death of Israeli PM Ariel Sharon looming on the horizon, and a new leadership currently in place, what will this mean for the Israeli/Palestinian peace process? Discuss.
PPS: How cool is it that my hero, Jon Stewart, will be hosting the Oscars?! Very cool, indeed.
PS: Here's a topic for you to mull over while I recover: With the (most likely) imminent death of Israeli PM Ariel Sharon looming on the horizon, and a new leadership currently in place, what will this mean for the Israeli/Palestinian peace process? Discuss.
PPS: How cool is it that my hero, Jon Stewart, will be hosting the Oscars?! Very cool, indeed.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Can I Get A Secular AMEN?!
Below is an op-ed piece in the commentary section of my local independent newspaper the Oklahoma Gazette [www.okgazette.com]. It truly expresses how I feel about this whole "War on Christmas" debacle. Read it, digest, enjoy.
The Grinch who couldn't steal Christmas
By: Robin Meyers
Maybe you've missed it because you don't watch Kelly Ogle, Bill O'Reilly or "The 700 Club, " but the big news isn't the war in Iraq. It's the "war against Christmas."
The Grinch who would steal it is the American Civil Liberties Union. The barbarians at the gate of all things holy and sacred and necessary for the survival of Western civilization are secular humansists. They are on manger patrol. They are out looking for tablets with the Ten Commandments to smash and haul away - ironically, most of which are now left over Hollywood PR stunts for Cecil B. DeMille.
While a real war is killing and maiming, about which the president has now been forced to tell "half the truth so help him God, " the Christian right has invented its latest fake war to rally the troops and raise money. O'Reilly's "fair and balanced" fake news network recently ran 58 segments on the latest outrage from the "lunatic left," and not a single one on the genocide in Darfur. People in that hellhole are not so much interested in whether it's "Happy Holidays" or Merry Christmas." They are trying to keep their heads from being chopped off.
Meanwhile, back at the Entitled American Ranch, the Christmas that is reportedly under siege has now passed, and it was bigger and more pervasive than ever - perhaps dangerously so. In countless churches, in countless homes, around countless Christmas trees that were called just that, people wished each other "Merry Christmas, " and they worshiped the baby Jesus, and they gave each other expensive gifts to honor the birth of a penniless rabbi from Nazareth who talked more about the spiritual hazards of wealth than anything else, save the kingdom of God.
But as they sipped their eggnog, safe in a land with more religious freedom than anywhere else on earth, they fumed about the "war on Christmas." They did what every true Christian is supposed to do - make and keep an enemies list. They poured each other a big cup of despair and fed each other the cookies of persecution. "Woe are we" - the embattled, the last best hope to save the world from people who don't even believe hell.
What they have forgotten, or can't understand because they believe in the principle of "my majority rules" (as long as I'm in it), is that the ACLU, whose only client is the Constitution, is their friend, not their enemy. When they get picky about compulsory prayer in schools, or religious artifacts on public property, or sectarian prayers at sporting events where a captive and diverse audience did not come to worship or hear such prayers (and whose rights also matter), they are not being anti-religion, nor are they trying to "steal Christmas."
In fact, those who work to preserve the separation of church and state are the most important ally we have in the fight to preserve religious freedom. It may seem ridiculous sometimes, but all one has to do is consider the alternative - an American theocracy that is the Holy Grail of today's True Believers. The are within striking distance, and they know it - that is, as soon as they get rid of those judges who do not rule according to "biblical law," those "vermin in black robes."
Besides, in the end, nothing could be more unbiblical than to buttress the revolutionary ways of Jesus with the scaffolding of the state. The baby whose birth we just celebrated grew up to be an adult who saved his white hot anger for religious hypocrisy - those who argued over every jot and title of the law, but neglected to give a thirsty child a cup of cold water to drink.
If you really want to "save Christmas," then bring the manger home from the mall, and set it up in your heart. Feed the homeless, welcome the stranger and pray for your enemies - the ones you believe are already forgiven. If you do this, Christmas will not seem embattled at all. Just irresistible.
Meyers is minister of Mayflower Congregational UCC Church and professor of rhetoric at Oklahoma City University.
The Grinch who couldn't steal Christmas
By: Robin Meyers
Maybe you've missed it because you don't watch Kelly Ogle, Bill O'Reilly or "The 700 Club, " but the big news isn't the war in Iraq. It's the "war against Christmas."
The Grinch who would steal it is the American Civil Liberties Union. The barbarians at the gate of all things holy and sacred and necessary for the survival of Western civilization are secular humansists. They are on manger patrol. They are out looking for tablets with the Ten Commandments to smash and haul away - ironically, most of which are now left over Hollywood PR stunts for Cecil B. DeMille.
While a real war is killing and maiming, about which the president has now been forced to tell "half the truth so help him God, " the Christian right has invented its latest fake war to rally the troops and raise money. O'Reilly's "fair and balanced" fake news network recently ran 58 segments on the latest outrage from the "lunatic left," and not a single one on the genocide in Darfur. People in that hellhole are not so much interested in whether it's "Happy Holidays" or Merry Christmas." They are trying to keep their heads from being chopped off.
Meanwhile, back at the Entitled American Ranch, the Christmas that is reportedly under siege has now passed, and it was bigger and more pervasive than ever - perhaps dangerously so. In countless churches, in countless homes, around countless Christmas trees that were called just that, people wished each other "Merry Christmas, " and they worshiped the baby Jesus, and they gave each other expensive gifts to honor the birth of a penniless rabbi from Nazareth who talked more about the spiritual hazards of wealth than anything else, save the kingdom of God.
But as they sipped their eggnog, safe in a land with more religious freedom than anywhere else on earth, they fumed about the "war on Christmas." They did what every true Christian is supposed to do - make and keep an enemies list. They poured each other a big cup of despair and fed each other the cookies of persecution. "Woe are we" - the embattled, the last best hope to save the world from people who don't even believe hell.
What they have forgotten, or can't understand because they believe in the principle of "my majority rules" (as long as I'm in it), is that the ACLU, whose only client is the Constitution, is their friend, not their enemy. When they get picky about compulsory prayer in schools, or religious artifacts on public property, or sectarian prayers at sporting events where a captive and diverse audience did not come to worship or hear such prayers (and whose rights also matter), they are not being anti-religion, nor are they trying to "steal Christmas."
In fact, those who work to preserve the separation of church and state are the most important ally we have in the fight to preserve religious freedom. It may seem ridiculous sometimes, but all one has to do is consider the alternative - an American theocracy that is the Holy Grail of today's True Believers. The are within striking distance, and they know it - that is, as soon as they get rid of those judges who do not rule according to "biblical law," those "vermin in black robes."
Besides, in the end, nothing could be more unbiblical than to buttress the revolutionary ways of Jesus with the scaffolding of the state. The baby whose birth we just celebrated grew up to be an adult who saved his white hot anger for religious hypocrisy - those who argued over every jot and title of the law, but neglected to give a thirsty child a cup of cold water to drink.
If you really want to "save Christmas," then bring the manger home from the mall, and set it up in your heart. Feed the homeless, welcome the stranger and pray for your enemies - the ones you believe are already forgiven. If you do this, Christmas will not seem embattled at all. Just irresistible.
Meyers is minister of Mayflower Congregational UCC Church and professor of rhetoric at Oklahoma City University.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
The Post In Which I Become An Ungrateful Whiner
I grew up dirt poor, and as such, am usually quite grateful for any gift I receive. I never expect anyone to go out and spend their hard earned cash me, and I generally appreciate it when someone actually does. I also love to give gifts. Birthdays, holidays, any occasion at all. I just enjoy giving happiness to others through my carefully selected gifts. See, I'm the kind of person who will really think about the person I'm buying a gift for: their likes, dislikes, personal style, that sort of thing. I try to buy the most thoughtful gift I can on my limited budget, and most people really appreciate the effort. I do this by carefully paying attention to what others say that they need/want and file that information away for later. I also pay attention to the style and decor of my friend's and family's homes, so that I don't buy something they would never use. It's not always easy, but I do my best.
So, considering how much thought and effort I put into selecting gifts for my family and friends, it boggles my mind when they cannot do the same in turn. It's not that I'm hard to buy for, I'm not. I'm a Wal-Mart kind of gal, so I'm extremely low-maintenance, and I don't think that gift cards are chintzy gifts to give. I really do like 95% of the gifts I receive, I promise!
However, the gifts that came (belatedly) in the mail yesterday from my brother-in-law and his wife were not exactly what my husband or I expected. It looks as though we received some random gifts that you would give to someone you don't know well, or hell, I don't know, maybe they thought the gifts were cool. We received: 2 "squishy" small bolster pillows with this soft, fuzzy cover (which are quite comfortable), a 7 in 1 game set that still had the $6.99 price tag on it, a tango themed cutlery set from Buenos Aries (from their South American trip last year), a book light (which I actually liked a lot, since I'm a voracious reader), a ceramic, painted mask (which I hate-masks creep me out, and it looked like it came from the dollar store), and some chocolate Euro-coin shaped candies (which are over a year old-from their trip to Europe last year). It's almost like they looked around their house, found some random stuff from their travels, plus a couple of quickly purchased gifts and shipped them off. I know, I know...I'm being an ungrateful bitch. But this is the millionth time I have taken MONTHS to carefully select and purchase their gifts, while spending more than I should, only to be burned in return. And it's not like they are poor, or struggling. My brother-in-law's salary is three times than what Jake and I make together in a year's time, and he owns several properties, while we only rent a duplex. I know it's supposed to be the thought that counts, but that's just it....I thought about their gifts, and they thought nothing about ours. I think it hurt my hubby's feelings, and he said to me "I told you not to spend money on them!". Jake had me order a custom made hoodie for he and his brother with their last names on them, because he thought it was really cool, and it is. So, for his brother to be so thoughtless stings a bit.
The other thing that annoyed me was that once again, for the millionth time, they misspelled my name. My name is spelled N-A-T-A-L-E-E, not I-E, which I know is the customary spelling, but that's not how my mother chose to spell it. I have been with my husband for over 10 years. In that time, I have sent countless cards and packages with my name spelled properly to my BIL and his wife. You'd think, in all that time, at some point, that they'd notice how my name is spelled. I've even teased it my BIL about it. I mean come on! I'm thinking of deliberately misspelling their names from now on, until they get the hint. Although knowing them, they won't.
Please don't think I don't love my in-laws, I do. Well, to be more honest, I love my BIL like he's my own brother, but my SIL? Eh....she's nice and all, but she gets on my nerves. She's a likeable gal, but do I love her? Not so much. Despite that, because she is married to my beloved BIL, I treat her with the utmost kindness and respect, and spend just as equally on her as I do for him. It's not her fault that she grates on my nerves, that's just her personality, and I'm not going to penalize her for it.
Ok, enough bitching and whining for now. Trust me, this is the only place where I'll be expressing this opinion. I would never say anything to them directly, or to any other family member about it, so as not to hurt their feelings. But damn it, I just had to express it somewhere, and since this is my blog, and no one in my family knows about it, this is where I'll say it! And um, seeing as how no one at all really reads my blog, I'm thinking I'm safe, no?
Well, here's hoping your Christmas was merrier than mine!
So, considering how much thought and effort I put into selecting gifts for my family and friends, it boggles my mind when they cannot do the same in turn. It's not that I'm hard to buy for, I'm not. I'm a Wal-Mart kind of gal, so I'm extremely low-maintenance, and I don't think that gift cards are chintzy gifts to give. I really do like 95% of the gifts I receive, I promise!
However, the gifts that came (belatedly) in the mail yesterday from my brother-in-law and his wife were not exactly what my husband or I expected. It looks as though we received some random gifts that you would give to someone you don't know well, or hell, I don't know, maybe they thought the gifts were cool. We received: 2 "squishy" small bolster pillows with this soft, fuzzy cover (which are quite comfortable), a 7 in 1 game set that still had the $6.99 price tag on it, a tango themed cutlery set from Buenos Aries (from their South American trip last year), a book light (which I actually liked a lot, since I'm a voracious reader), a ceramic, painted mask (which I hate-masks creep me out, and it looked like it came from the dollar store), and some chocolate Euro-coin shaped candies (which are over a year old-from their trip to Europe last year). It's almost like they looked around their house, found some random stuff from their travels, plus a couple of quickly purchased gifts and shipped them off. I know, I know...I'm being an ungrateful bitch. But this is the millionth time I have taken MONTHS to carefully select and purchase their gifts, while spending more than I should, only to be burned in return. And it's not like they are poor, or struggling. My brother-in-law's salary is three times than what Jake and I make together in a year's time, and he owns several properties, while we only rent a duplex. I know it's supposed to be the thought that counts, but that's just it....I thought about their gifts, and they thought nothing about ours. I think it hurt my hubby's feelings, and he said to me "I told you not to spend money on them!". Jake had me order a custom made hoodie for he and his brother with their last names on them, because he thought it was really cool, and it is. So, for his brother to be so thoughtless stings a bit.
The other thing that annoyed me was that once again, for the millionth time, they misspelled my name. My name is spelled N-A-T-A-L-E-E, not I-E, which I know is the customary spelling, but that's not how my mother chose to spell it. I have been with my husband for over 10 years. In that time, I have sent countless cards and packages with my name spelled properly to my BIL and his wife. You'd think, in all that time, at some point, that they'd notice how my name is spelled. I've even teased it my BIL about it. I mean come on! I'm thinking of deliberately misspelling their names from now on, until they get the hint. Although knowing them, they won't.
Please don't think I don't love my in-laws, I do. Well, to be more honest, I love my BIL like he's my own brother, but my SIL? Eh....she's nice and all, but she gets on my nerves. She's a likeable gal, but do I love her? Not so much. Despite that, because she is married to my beloved BIL, I treat her with the utmost kindness and respect, and spend just as equally on her as I do for him. It's not her fault that she grates on my nerves, that's just her personality, and I'm not going to penalize her for it.
Ok, enough bitching and whining for now. Trust me, this is the only place where I'll be expressing this opinion. I would never say anything to them directly, or to any other family member about it, so as not to hurt their feelings. But damn it, I just had to express it somewhere, and since this is my blog, and no one in my family knows about it, this is where I'll say it! And um, seeing as how no one at all really reads my blog, I'm thinking I'm safe, no?
Well, here's hoping your Christmas was merrier than mine!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Always the Bridesmaid...
....never the mother. Ok, so that didn't exactly make sense, but I couldn't think of a better analogy.
I belong to a support group for those suffering from primary infertility. I've been a member of this group for almost 4 years now. In that time, I've seen many women come and go, most by successfully achieving their dreams of motherhood, either through ART or adoption. However, there are a few of us "core" ladies who have been unfortunate enough to still be around, even after all of these years. Some of these women have been on this board much longer than I, and I've always hoped for the best for them.
Today, I found out that two of these women received positive betas from their recent ART cycles. These are women with whom I have shared my ups and downs with during this long, painful "journey" (I hate that word) of infertility, and I consider them to be my friends. So, of course I was happy to read of their success, and I hope that their pregnancies result in beautiful, healthy children. However, I can also admit that my joy is greatly tinged with bitterness, jealousy, and sadness for myself. Most of the women on the board are currently undergoing treatment or are in the process of adoption, and here I am, stuck always in perpetual limbo. I feel like I will never get to get on that horse and ride off into the sunset with my baby. I'm now three months away from hitting the 7 year mark of TTC. For fuck's sake, if Jake and I didn't have infertility issues, we could have a 6 year old by now!!! Do you have any idea how painful that is for me to think of that?!? When is it my turn?! I'm sick and fucking tired of waiting; waiting for money, for insurance, for jobs, so that we can finally pursue our goals of parenthood. I don't have TIME to wait!!!
Jake and I sat around Christmas Day, after everyone left, and were both filled with sadness that yet another holiday had gone by without our own children. I enjoyed watching my foster sisters, nephew and niece rip into their presents, but I want to see MY kids doing that. It is so fucking hard to endure this year, after year, after year. Every Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas comes and goes without my child. I hate seeing my husband and I so sad during what should be some of the happiest times with our families. We want to make a family of our own, and we can't. And that sucks so damn bad, that unless you've gone through this yourself, you'll never know what I'm talking about.
Excuse me while I go and mend my broken heart once again.....
I belong to a support group for those suffering from primary infertility. I've been a member of this group for almost 4 years now. In that time, I've seen many women come and go, most by successfully achieving their dreams of motherhood, either through ART or adoption. However, there are a few of us "core" ladies who have been unfortunate enough to still be around, even after all of these years. Some of these women have been on this board much longer than I, and I've always hoped for the best for them.
Today, I found out that two of these women received positive betas from their recent ART cycles. These are women with whom I have shared my ups and downs with during this long, painful "journey" (I hate that word) of infertility, and I consider them to be my friends. So, of course I was happy to read of their success, and I hope that their pregnancies result in beautiful, healthy children. However, I can also admit that my joy is greatly tinged with bitterness, jealousy, and sadness for myself. Most of the women on the board are currently undergoing treatment or are in the process of adoption, and here I am, stuck always in perpetual limbo. I feel like I will never get to get on that horse and ride off into the sunset with my baby. I'm now three months away from hitting the 7 year mark of TTC. For fuck's sake, if Jake and I didn't have infertility issues, we could have a 6 year old by now!!! Do you have any idea how painful that is for me to think of that?!? When is it my turn?! I'm sick and fucking tired of waiting; waiting for money, for insurance, for jobs, so that we can finally pursue our goals of parenthood. I don't have TIME to wait!!!
Jake and I sat around Christmas Day, after everyone left, and were both filled with sadness that yet another holiday had gone by without our own children. I enjoyed watching my foster sisters, nephew and niece rip into their presents, but I want to see MY kids doing that. It is so fucking hard to endure this year, after year, after year. Every Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas comes and goes without my child. I hate seeing my husband and I so sad during what should be some of the happiest times with our families. We want to make a family of our own, and we can't. And that sucks so damn bad, that unless you've gone through this yourself, you'll never know what I'm talking about.
Excuse me while I go and mend my broken heart once again.....
Friday, December 23, 2005
Happy Christmahanukwanzakah! (and New Year)
Just wanting to wish you and yours the best this Holiday Season. Yes, I'm saying HOLIDAY, not CHRISTMAS, because I do have friends and family who are not Christian (including myself), so I'm being all-inclusive, not PC. However, I DO call my tree a Christmas tree, because that's the holiday I'm putting it up for.
Anyway, enough of that rant! So, have a great one (but be safe, ok?), whatever it is you celebrate, and I'll see you all next year!
And I pinky swear to post more in '06!
Hugs,
Nat
PS: Karen, if you're reading this: Hello! And thanks for stopping by!
Anyway, enough of that rant! So, have a great one (but be safe, ok?), whatever it is you celebrate, and I'll see you all next year!
And I pinky swear to post more in '06!
Hugs,
Nat
PS: Karen, if you're reading this: Hello! And thanks for stopping by!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
What's New Pussycat? (Whoa, whoa, whoooa!!)
Well, not much here, to be honest. School started on August 22nd, and my crazy ass is taking 17 hours this semester. So far it's not that bad, except for one of my online classes, and that's only because the professor is being kind of a dick, which according to my SIL (who took his class 3 years ago), is not unusual. Oh well, it's just 16 weeks of my life, right? And, it always goes by rather quickly, so hopefully it will be over and done with before I know it, and then it's on to Winter Break and then Spring semester, where I'll probably only take 12-15 hours, so it won't be so harsh. I find Fall semester to be easier because there are more breaks (Labor Day, Fall Break, Thanksgiving Break), whereas Spring only has 1-Spring break, so I'd rather take a heavier class load in fall.
My classes:
* Intro to Algebra (yes, I suck at math and have to take a zero level remedial)
* Philosophy
* Elementary Astronomy
* American Government
* Intro to Speech
So, that makes for an interesting mix. Nothing too boring, although my Speech prof. does have a tendency to go on too long, but hey, that's what the guy is getting paid to do, so I listen!
On the infertility front, despite a reluctance on both our parts to go the adoption route before trying ART, Jake and I are actually now having good, open conversations about it (which HE initiated...believe it or not!). It's just discussions right now, and of course I flip-flop back and forth between it and ART, but a lot of that has to do with some unresolved grief related to infertility. We have a long way to go before we are ready to really get serious about it (like, gee...maybe graduating and getting good jobs for instance!), but we already know we want to go the International route. I'm thinking Guatamala or the Ukraine, although China is also an option. Anyway, if anything more comes up about that or ART, I'll let you guys know.
We still only have 1 working car right now, and because of that, and school, I've had to cut back on my work schedule by 5 hrs/wk, causing me to slip to part-time, and be taken off of salary and getting paid hourly, though I get to keep my benefits, which is good. This majorly sucks because it has the potential for reducing my income by up to $155/check. Sometimes it won't be that bad, but at least twice between now and the end of the year I'll be stressing thanks to money. Compounding our problems is the rising gas prices. Jake has a delivery job at night, and it's getting so that he's making no money because it's all going in the tank, making it worthless to even go in, except that he also gets hourly pay, and that helps some with bills. And before you say, "Why doesn't he get a better job?", let me tell you that he has TRIED, and he already has a 2nd job doing IT stuff at my office part-time. But, until he graduates, there's not much he can do, unfortunately. I'm going to jump on my soapbox here for a minute to remind everyone out there that when you order food for delivery, this is a SERVICE, and you should compensate the driver for making your life easier. He/she is using THEIR GAS to bring YOU goods so that YOU can save YOUR GAS. I don't care if your pizza was late (which, BTW is usually NOT the driver's fault!), give the delivery person a tip at least equal to or greater than a gallon of gas! One or two dollars does not cut it. If you don't like it, get off your ass and go get your own Pizza/Chinese/Whatever. Ok, rant over now!! Just needed to vent a minute because bad tippers piss me off!!! Oh, and one last thing...Just FYI...that delivery charge the pizza parlor charges you? It doesn't go to the driver, or at least, not all of it...maybe only a fraction does.
Oh! Before I forget...I'm back on the pill for now. For the endo. Last month I had horrendous cramps which caused me to have an unscheduled date with the dildocam, which of course showed NOTHING because you can rarely see endo on a u/s, even a transvaginal one. So, we decided to give the pills one last go before moving on to a lap, and my period this month was much lighter, and I only had small, manageable cramps. No narcotics needed. Although, I'm so scatterbrained about taking medications on time that I had to set my cell phone alarm to remind me when to take them everyday. Gotta do what you gotta do!
Whew! Guess that's it for now. I'll post about the tragedy of Katrina later, it's my bedtime.
TTFN*!!!
*ta ta for now!! (as Tigger says)
My classes:
* Intro to Algebra (yes, I suck at math and have to take a zero level remedial)
* Philosophy
* Elementary Astronomy
* American Government
* Intro to Speech
So, that makes for an interesting mix. Nothing too boring, although my Speech prof. does have a tendency to go on too long, but hey, that's what the guy is getting paid to do, so I listen!
On the infertility front, despite a reluctance on both our parts to go the adoption route before trying ART, Jake and I are actually now having good, open conversations about it (which HE initiated...believe it or not!). It's just discussions right now, and of course I flip-flop back and forth between it and ART, but a lot of that has to do with some unresolved grief related to infertility. We have a long way to go before we are ready to really get serious about it (like, gee...maybe graduating and getting good jobs for instance!), but we already know we want to go the International route. I'm thinking Guatamala or the Ukraine, although China is also an option. Anyway, if anything more comes up about that or ART, I'll let you guys know.
We still only have 1 working car right now, and because of that, and school, I've had to cut back on my work schedule by 5 hrs/wk, causing me to slip to part-time, and be taken off of salary and getting paid hourly, though I get to keep my benefits, which is good. This majorly sucks because it has the potential for reducing my income by up to $155/check. Sometimes it won't be that bad, but at least twice between now and the end of the year I'll be stressing thanks to money. Compounding our problems is the rising gas prices. Jake has a delivery job at night, and it's getting so that he's making no money because it's all going in the tank, making it worthless to even go in, except that he also gets hourly pay, and that helps some with bills. And before you say, "Why doesn't he get a better job?", let me tell you that he has TRIED, and he already has a 2nd job doing IT stuff at my office part-time. But, until he graduates, there's not much he can do, unfortunately. I'm going to jump on my soapbox here for a minute to remind everyone out there that when you order food for delivery, this is a SERVICE, and you should compensate the driver for making your life easier. He/she is using THEIR GAS to bring YOU goods so that YOU can save YOUR GAS. I don't care if your pizza was late (which, BTW is usually NOT the driver's fault!), give the delivery person a tip at least equal to or greater than a gallon of gas! One or two dollars does not cut it. If you don't like it, get off your ass and go get your own Pizza/Chinese/Whatever. Ok, rant over now!! Just needed to vent a minute because bad tippers piss me off!!! Oh, and one last thing...Just FYI...that delivery charge the pizza parlor charges you? It doesn't go to the driver, or at least, not all of it...maybe only a fraction does.
Oh! Before I forget...I'm back on the pill for now. For the endo. Last month I had horrendous cramps which caused me to have an unscheduled date with the dildocam, which of course showed NOTHING because you can rarely see endo on a u/s, even a transvaginal one. So, we decided to give the pills one last go before moving on to a lap, and my period this month was much lighter, and I only had small, manageable cramps. No narcotics needed. Although, I'm so scatterbrained about taking medications on time that I had to set my cell phone alarm to remind me when to take them everyday. Gotta do what you gotta do!
Whew! Guess that's it for now. I'll post about the tragedy of Katrina later, it's my bedtime.
TTFN*!!!
*ta ta for now!! (as Tigger says)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Losing My Religion
So, I've come to a radical realization (for myself): there is no God, no invisible man in the sky looking down on all we do, controlling the universe as if we were pieces on a chess board.
This is quite a dramatic statement coming from someone who was raised in a Catholic/Southern Baptist enviornment, and in fact, I still collect religious icons, crucifixes, angels, etc. I think there is alot of beautiful religious art out there, but that doesn't mean I have to believe in what it represents.
I didn't come to this realization overnight, nor did I make my decision lightly, it has been coming for quite some time now. I've just slowly, and steadly lost my faith and belief system over the years of my adulthood, and now it has been completely erradicated. Now, I know that alot of people will think that this only because of my infertility. Although that was a contributing factor, it was only one of many. This also does not mean that I think there is something wrong with people who do have a faith or belief system for themselves, be it Christian, Jewish, Hindu, whatever. I know that there can be comfort and solace in religious beliefs, and if that's what you need in your life, I have no problem with that. I just don't need it in mine. Nor do I need judgements from others regarding my decision. I think religion itself is a deeply personal decision and experience that is unique to each individual, even if you have the same belief system as another.
I really haven't shared this decision with many people, because I really don't want to hear any negativity, nor do I think it's most people's business. However, many of those I have told have been supportive, and they respect my decision, although most of them believe I am just going through a "phase" and will eventually return to the bosom of Christianity. I feel no need to disavow them of that notion, I'm guessing they'll eventually figure it out for themselves.
This is quite a dramatic statement coming from someone who was raised in a Catholic/Southern Baptist enviornment, and in fact, I still collect religious icons, crucifixes, angels, etc. I think there is alot of beautiful religious art out there, but that doesn't mean I have to believe in what it represents.
I didn't come to this realization overnight, nor did I make my decision lightly, it has been coming for quite some time now. I've just slowly, and steadly lost my faith and belief system over the years of my adulthood, and now it has been completely erradicated. Now, I know that alot of people will think that this only because of my infertility. Although that was a contributing factor, it was only one of many. This also does not mean that I think there is something wrong with people who do have a faith or belief system for themselves, be it Christian, Jewish, Hindu, whatever. I know that there can be comfort and solace in religious beliefs, and if that's what you need in your life, I have no problem with that. I just don't need it in mine. Nor do I need judgements from others regarding my decision. I think religion itself is a deeply personal decision and experience that is unique to each individual, even if you have the same belief system as another.
I really haven't shared this decision with many people, because I really don't want to hear any negativity, nor do I think it's most people's business. However, many of those I have told have been supportive, and they respect my decision, although most of them believe I am just going through a "phase" and will eventually return to the bosom of Christianity. I feel no need to disavow them of that notion, I'm guessing they'll eventually figure it out for themselves.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
A Poem
Here's a poem I wrote a couple of years ago that I thought you all might enjoy:
Vent
Desperate
Hopeless
I feel such a loss
Waiting
Wanting
Pleading
Questions never answered
The cruelty of circumstance stings my eyes
Fills them with tears
So many shed
Empty wombs and empty arms feel heavy with grief
Envious stares towards those who have what I don’t
Keep the dream alive
Or give up the fight
The battle rages in my mind
Your clumsy attempts at comfort are not the soothing gestures you mean
Inadvertently twisting the knife further into my heart
I reach out into a quiet dark
Seeking those like me
Feeding from their words
Like a long starved thing
The medicine man fills me with his potions
Promises of success
Raising expectations
Two weeks is an eternity
How much more can I endure
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
In Memoriam
On this day, ten years ago, I awoke to sunlight streaming through my bedroom window, and my mother's voice calling me to get up. At this point in my life, I had dropped out of high school to care for her after major back surgery, as she could not care for herself. Mom had a 9 a.m. appointment at Social Security in the Murrah Federal Building downtown. We were going to see if she could qualify for temporary SSI disability payments, as there was no way she would be working anytime soon.
By 8:45, my perpetually late mother was still not ready to go, and so she called her SS caseworker to let her know we were going to be late. The lady told her that was ok, that she was helping someone else at the moment and was running behind herself. I was dreading driving downtown that day-I hated the traffic, one-way streets, and trying to find a metered parking spot. I had planned on dropping Mother off at the front of the building, and then cruising around until I found a parking space. Meanwhile, my stepdad, who was a vending route driver for Coca-Cola, was supposed to be at his account in the Journal Record building, directly across the street from the Murrah Building. Instead, he chose to take care of his routes on the north side of OKC before heading downtown. He too, was waiting for the morning traffic to die down.
At 9:02 a.m., on that beautiful, cloudless morning, just before leaving the house, we heard what sounded like a huge rumble of thunder, and our windows shook (for reference: we lived 20 miles from the blast). I looked outside, to see if there were any clouds, but there was nothing to be seen. We had the t.v. on, and suddenly there was a breaking news report that there had been an explosion (we thought natural gas at the time) at the Murrah Building. Mom and I were flabbergasted-we should have been there. My dad, at the time of the blast, was on a payphone with his boss. First, through the phone, and then through the air, he heard the explosion. When he found out on the radio that it was the Murrah Bldg., he was panic stricken, thinking that my mother and I were hurt, of course, we thought he was in the Journal Record building and that he could be injured as well. The phones lines were all tied up, so we couldn't reach each other. My dad finally raced home just in case we were there, or if my brother (who was home sick) knew when we had left. It was with a great relief that we found that we were all ok. However, one of my dad's co-worker's was not so lucky. His wife, a nurse, rushed to the scene to be of assistance. While searching for survivors in the rubble, a piece of concrete fell from above, and struck her in the head, killing her. She left behind four children. My mother's caseworker was also killed.
168 innocent people, including several children in a daycare center, would perish that day. Those who survived carry the physical, mental, and emotional scars to this day. Some sought retribution through the trial, conviction, and execution of Timothy McVeigh. Others sought more peaceful means of resolution. Neither way is right nor wrong.
I am so proud of how my fellow Oklahomans handled themselves in the wake of this enormous tragedy, and I continue to hold that pride ten years later. Everyday I am reminded of that strength and resiliance as I gaze out my office window that overlooks the memorial where the building once stood. I see the "Survivor's Tree", which has become a symbol for us all that even in the face of death, life goes on.
Please take a moment of your time today to remember those lives lost, and send up a prayer, wish, chant, whatever-for those left behind. Thanks.
By 8:45, my perpetually late mother was still not ready to go, and so she called her SS caseworker to let her know we were going to be late. The lady told her that was ok, that she was helping someone else at the moment and was running behind herself. I was dreading driving downtown that day-I hated the traffic, one-way streets, and trying to find a metered parking spot. I had planned on dropping Mother off at the front of the building, and then cruising around until I found a parking space. Meanwhile, my stepdad, who was a vending route driver for Coca-Cola, was supposed to be at his account in the Journal Record building, directly across the street from the Murrah Building. Instead, he chose to take care of his routes on the north side of OKC before heading downtown. He too, was waiting for the morning traffic to die down.
At 9:02 a.m., on that beautiful, cloudless morning, just before leaving the house, we heard what sounded like a huge rumble of thunder, and our windows shook (for reference: we lived 20 miles from the blast). I looked outside, to see if there were any clouds, but there was nothing to be seen. We had the t.v. on, and suddenly there was a breaking news report that there had been an explosion (we thought natural gas at the time) at the Murrah Building. Mom and I were flabbergasted-we should have been there. My dad, at the time of the blast, was on a payphone with his boss. First, through the phone, and then through the air, he heard the explosion. When he found out on the radio that it was the Murrah Bldg., he was panic stricken, thinking that my mother and I were hurt, of course, we thought he was in the Journal Record building and that he could be injured as well. The phones lines were all tied up, so we couldn't reach each other. My dad finally raced home just in case we were there, or if my brother (who was home sick) knew when we had left. It was with a great relief that we found that we were all ok. However, one of my dad's co-worker's was not so lucky. His wife, a nurse, rushed to the scene to be of assistance. While searching for survivors in the rubble, a piece of concrete fell from above, and struck her in the head, killing her. She left behind four children. My mother's caseworker was also killed.
168 innocent people, including several children in a daycare center, would perish that day. Those who survived carry the physical, mental, and emotional scars to this day. Some sought retribution through the trial, conviction, and execution of Timothy McVeigh. Others sought more peaceful means of resolution. Neither way is right nor wrong.
I am so proud of how my fellow Oklahomans handled themselves in the wake of this enormous tragedy, and I continue to hold that pride ten years later. Everyday I am reminded of that strength and resiliance as I gaze out my office window that overlooks the memorial where the building once stood. I see the "Survivor's Tree", which has become a symbol for us all that even in the face of death, life goes on.
Please take a moment of your time today to remember those lives lost, and send up a prayer, wish, chant, whatever-for those left behind. Thanks.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Book Report
As promised, here is a list of children's books that I adore. I either read them now, or read them as a child. Feel free to add your own choices in the comments!
*Harry Potter (can't wait for #5 to come out 7/16!)-J.K. Rowling
*The Thunder Pup-Janet Hickman
*Encyclopedia Brown Series
*Bridge to Terabithia
*Little House on the Prairie Series-Laura Ingalls Wilder
*Hatchet
*Where The Red Fern Grows
*Summer of the Monkeys
*Island of the Blue Dolphins
*The Secret Garden
*Bobbsey Twins Series
*Nancy Drew Series
*Choose Your Own Adventure Series
*Babysitters Club Series
*Anything Judy Blume writes
*The Ramona Series-Beverly Cleary
*Anastasia Krupnik Series
*To Kill A Mockingbird-Harper Lee
*Charlotte's Web-E.B. White
*Little Women-Louisa May Alcott
*Diary of Anne Frank
*Anything written by Lois Lowry
*The Velveteen Rabbit
*Sweet Valley High Series
I'm sure there's much more that I can't think of at the moment, but maybe you can jog my memory. See, my love of books is just one of the reasons I'm going to be a librarian. I can't wait to influence young people to read, and get enjoyment out of the written word.
*Harry Potter (can't wait for #5 to come out 7/16!)-J.K. Rowling
*The Thunder Pup-Janet Hickman
*Encyclopedia Brown Series
*Bridge to Terabithia
*Little House on the Prairie Series-Laura Ingalls Wilder
*Hatchet
*Where The Red Fern Grows
*Summer of the Monkeys
*Island of the Blue Dolphins
*The Secret Garden
*Bobbsey Twins Series
*Nancy Drew Series
*Choose Your Own Adventure Series
*Babysitters Club Series
*Anything Judy Blume writes
*The Ramona Series-Beverly Cleary
*Anastasia Krupnik Series
*To Kill A Mockingbird-Harper Lee
*Charlotte's Web-E.B. White
*Little Women-Louisa May Alcott
*Diary of Anne Frank
*Anything written by Lois Lowry
*The Velveteen Rabbit
*Sweet Valley High Series
I'm sure there's much more that I can't think of at the moment, but maybe you can jog my memory. See, my love of books is just one of the reasons I'm going to be a librarian. I can't wait to influence young people to read, and get enjoyment out of the written word.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Randomness
Some random meanderings for your Friday:
*There is a teeny, tiny, less than 1% chance that I conceived 2 days ago. I'm only saying this because I had some of the best cervical mucus I've had in years, and we had sex twice that night, and once last night, so maybe one my hubby's lil' buggers can finally find their way to my egg. I'm not holding my breath or anything, though.
*I loved Julia's post today, it really got me thinking about my favorite books as a child. I will list them on a separate post, along with a few of my other favorite things.
*I've been soooo tired all day-I can't seem to wake up. TGIF so I can go home and take a nap!
*We're still awaiting final plans for FL, but it looks like we'll be in Tampa, not St. Pete. My BIL is making an offer on a house, and we should know something soon. A bonus: the house has a pool and a hot tub. Oh la la!
*My latest music find: Damien Rice. Fan-Tas-Tic! I heard his song "The Blower's Daughter" while watching "Closer" last night on DVD, and fell in love with his music. So I checked out the rest of the album online, and I am going to buy it. The title of his album is 'O'.
*As much as I love Spring, my allergies are driving me insane. I've had a persistent stuffy nose and dry cough for days. Nothing helps, and I really don't feel like shelling out the money for an allergy shot when benadryl does me good.
*I was disappointed by "Spanglish". While I appreciate the sentiment and acting in the film, the pace was entirely too slow. However, I adore funny Adam Sandler films-he cracks me up!
*It's almost time for our local annual Arts Festival. I can't wait to check out the Art, and enjoy a yummy Strawberry Newport, it's divine!
*Tomorrow I'm getting my eyebrows waxed, and then later we're going bowling with friends. Beer for everyone!
*I'm bored out of my mind right now-can't you tell?
So, what are YOU doing this weekend? Any fun upcoming plans?
*There is a teeny, tiny, less than 1% chance that I conceived 2 days ago. I'm only saying this because I had some of the best cervical mucus I've had in years, and we had sex twice that night, and once last night, so maybe one my hubby's lil' buggers can finally find their way to my egg. I'm not holding my breath or anything, though.
*I loved Julia's post today, it really got me thinking about my favorite books as a child. I will list them on a separate post, along with a few of my other favorite things.
*I've been soooo tired all day-I can't seem to wake up. TGIF so I can go home and take a nap!
*We're still awaiting final plans for FL, but it looks like we'll be in Tampa, not St. Pete. My BIL is making an offer on a house, and we should know something soon. A bonus: the house has a pool and a hot tub. Oh la la!
*My latest music find: Damien Rice. Fan-Tas-Tic! I heard his song "The Blower's Daughter" while watching "Closer" last night on DVD, and fell in love with his music. So I checked out the rest of the album online, and I am going to buy it. The title of his album is 'O'.
*As much as I love Spring, my allergies are driving me insane. I've had a persistent stuffy nose and dry cough for days. Nothing helps, and I really don't feel like shelling out the money for an allergy shot when benadryl does me good.
*I was disappointed by "Spanglish". While I appreciate the sentiment and acting in the film, the pace was entirely too slow. However, I adore funny Adam Sandler films-he cracks me up!
*It's almost time for our local annual Arts Festival. I can't wait to check out the Art, and enjoy a yummy Strawberry Newport, it's divine!
*Tomorrow I'm getting my eyebrows waxed, and then later we're going bowling with friends. Beer for everyone!
*I'm bored out of my mind right now-can't you tell?
So, what are YOU doing this weekend? Any fun upcoming plans?
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