Thursday, July 13, 2006

Just My Luck

As always, my life wouldn't be mine if I didn't have some sort of drama occurring at all times.

The latest: my best friend is (very) unexpectedly pregnant. Unexpected, not only because she was using a condom, but because in her previous long-term relationship, she did not use condoms, nor birth control, yet never became pregnant (by a man who already had 2 children). So, once again, everyone else but me can breed.

I will admit, I did cry a small bit the day before we confirmed the pregnancy (with a FRED in a Wal-Mart bathroom of all things), because of course, again, it's not me who is pregnant. However, these were not the huge, racking sobs of yesteryear, just a quiet stream running down my face for about 10 minutes. Then, I was over it. And now? I'm very excited. My friend is really involving me, to the point of asking that I be in the delivery room with her. She is also extremely understanding and knows that a part of me is hurting. I *heart* her.

I'm blessed to have such great friends. All of our friends who have found out, have asked her how I'm doing, because they all know about my infertility struggles. The fact that they care, and understand, means a lot to me.

So, I guess I am doing better. Used to be, I would've been devastated by this news, and extremely jealous. Now, I'm eagerly anticipating the arrival of a little one to spoil. Big, HUGE, improvement.

In other news, I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Doing the same things, day after day, year after year. Nothing changes. Not my job, my activities, nothing. Yet, everyone else seems to have major changes happening in their lives. Jake and I are not making any strides towards improving ourselves. Well, except for his graduation from our 2 yr college. However, he has yet to be offered a job, despite putting out his resume and going on 2 interviews. But, it is partly his fault. He's not networking and putting his resume out there the way he should be. I've already informed him that I cannot be 31, married for 10 years, and not own a house, or be on my way to having a family. He has agreed that it is time for a change, so now he has 2 years to get the ball rolling (that's when I'll be 31 and married for 10 yrs) or else. What that "or else" is, I haven't figured out, but I'm sure it involves a swift kick in the arse from me to him.

I'm sure you are asking yourself: well, what the fuck is her problem? Why can't she get off her ass and do something? Quite frankly, I am. I work full-time, and my salary pays the largest majority of our bills. Also, I've tried going to school, and have completed 3 semesters, but right now my work schedule prohibits me from taking the classes I need to advance in school. I tried it last semester, and ended up having to drop out, because it wasn't working. So, until Jake has a better paying job, allowing me to drop my working hours to part-time, school is on the back burner for me. Also, without a larger salary from Jake, there is no way we can afford IVF or adoption, so that too, is a problem.

Anyway, just wanted to update on what's going on in my life. I'll now return to the videos and political ranting posts.

1 comment:

Kellie said...

Sorry that this happened, Nat. But I am glad that you can feel some happiness for her. IT is do damn hard to do that.

Hope that your hubby gets a nice paying job so you can scale back on your work :) Also so you guys can afford to move forward in your dream of having children.