I know I have been extremely remiss in posting to this blog, but it is for a good reason. No, unfortunately, I'm not pregnant, however I am.....happy. Well and truly happy with my life right now.
For so long, I have allowed infertility to rule my every waking thought. For seven years my inability to bear a child has consumed me, made me less of a person. I couldn't truly enjoy my life and all there was in it. There was always a bitterness that tinged whatever joy I could find. I hated how the blackness of my depression would creep up on me at the most unexpected times. I forgot who I used to be.
No longer. Since our vacation, I have slowly begun to find myself again-the me I was so long ago, before this baby race began. I find myself able to hear about a friend's pregnancy without wincing, to watch happy families together without that tug in my heart, to make love to my husband without thinking about sperm counts, ovulation, temperatures. There is definitely a freedom in letting go and finding yourself. I keep myself busy with activities with my family and friends, and find myself planning for the future, without automatically including children in that equation.
That's not to say that I'm giving up on being a mother-not by any means. I fully intend to have children someday. However, I've let go of it being the sole purpose in my life. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with myself now, and as I take these tottering steps towards that future, I am filled with a hope I've never felt before.
So, you ask, where does that leave this blog? Well, I'm just going to shift gears for awhile and post about whatever's in my head at the moment, and lately, that's been politics. So, you may find that I'm taking a completely different direction then what you had expected. However, this blog is, and always has been, a form of catharsis for me-and I've got a lot on my mind, other than infertility, that I need to get out.
Now, I will eventually get around to doing those detailed vacation posts, but suffice it to say we had an absolutely marvelous time, and yes, Kellie, I did get my Papaw's knife back, I'm happy to report.
Until next post, I wish you all the peace and joy you can find in your life.......
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Motivation
Is what I don't have alot of these days. I know you've all been waiting for the next installment of my vacation posts, and honestly, everyday I mean to post them, but either something comes up, or I just don't have it in me to sit and type for about an hour or so. I'm really sorry about that, and since I have nothing better to do at work tomorrow (don't tell my boss that!), I'll find time to put up the next vacation post.
So, until then, I'll see you later-I've got laundry to do!
So, until then, I'll see you later-I've got laundry to do!
Friday, April 21, 2006
I Had To Walk Up A Hill!! Barefoot!! In The Snow!! (Also known as: Vacation Post, Part Deux)
So, where was I?
Oh yeah-when we last left off, Jake and I were on our way from the Meteor Crater in Winslow, AZ to Flagstaff, AZ, where we planned to stay before visiting the Grand Canyon the following day. Well, the further up the mountain we went, the worse the snow became, thanks to a horrendous storm that was barreling down on us. By the time we reached Flagstaff, there was already a good 4-6 inches on the ground, and it was still coming down. The roads weren't too bad, as long as you were careful, and we stopped at the motel we would be staying in for the night. After unloading everything from the car and putting it in the room, I cranked up the heat (it was cold!) and we decided to see if we could find a Wal*Mart to get a couple of things I forgot to bring with us, along with some dinner. Well, we didn't find the Wal*Mart, because we took a wrong turn and ended up in the old "Route 66" part of Flagstaff. We ended up stopping at a Family*Dollar and made our purchases as quickly as possible, since it was after dark, and a sports car and slick roads do not mix well. Well, by the time we got back to the room, it was STILL cold!! I figured out that the heater was broken, and after switching rooms, we settled in for the evening and the snow kept falling while we slumbered.
The next morning, Jake comes barging into the room with breakfast from downstairs and announces that we'll be lucky to get out of there because he'd been up since 5 am (it was 8 by this time) and despite brushing the snow off the car then, it was now covered with another almost 4 inches, on top of what had been falling all night. There were also cars stuck at both the entrance and exit to the motel, and who knows when they'd get unstuck, and the manager was downstairs, cursing in a foreign language-panic was rampant. Trust me, it was a very dramatic moment. To make things worse, I was on my period and very emotional, so when I started to become weepy at the prospect of being stuck in Flagstaff for the rest of my vacation, Jake snapped at me, only making things worse. We went downstairs with my determination to dig us out, (damn it!!) and for me to eat breakfast while there was still any left. Jake at least had the foresight to turn our car around at 5 am, and park backwards in the space, to make it easier to get out. So, we proceeded to use the motel's snow shovel and got to digging! The snow was between 8-24 inches, depending on where the drifts were. But, by golly, we dug, and we got that car clear!! I'd already packed everything up to make for a quick exit, and we rushed downstairs with our bags, throwing them haphazardly into the back of the car. But before leaving I took these three photos from our room to prove how bad it got. Despite all of our hard work, we still weren't sure if we'd actually be able to make it out of the parking lot. I give total credit to Jake's driving skills for getting us out of there. Needless to say, we decided that the Grand Canyon trip was a bust. There was no way we'd safely make it up there.
However, this was not to be the end of our drama. Once on the freeway, the snow was still falling, and everyone was driving 20 mph down the mountain, in the middle of the road. Cars and trucks were off the road, where they had slid before coming to a stop. The trees and ground were covered, and the wind started picking up-blowing the snow even harder. It was a tense ride, but the further we descended down the mountain, the better the driving conditions became. Unfortunately, after we were about an hour away from the motel, I remembered that I had lent Jake my beloved (deceased) Papaw's pocket knife to open something with, and I didn't recall him giving it back. He said he had left it on the night stand, thinking I'd see it. Well, I didn't, and that meant that we had left it behind in our rush to flee the area before more snow could fall. I immediately burst into hysterical sobs, as this was the only physical thing I had left of my Papaw, and I was so mad at Jake I couldn't see straight. I finally came to my senses enough to call the motel and ask that if they found it, could they please hang on to it, until we came back through on our way home? The manager said he would, but my phone died from a bad cell area before I could give him my cell number. All we could do is cross our fingers, and hope the maid found it and turned it in. Since there was nothing we could do, we resolved to enjoy the rest of our vacation, and continued on to.......
Vegas, baby!!! VEGAS!!!!
(to be continued.......)
Oh yeah-when we last left off, Jake and I were on our way from the Meteor Crater in Winslow, AZ to Flagstaff, AZ, where we planned to stay before visiting the Grand Canyon the following day. Well, the further up the mountain we went, the worse the snow became, thanks to a horrendous storm that was barreling down on us. By the time we reached Flagstaff, there was already a good 4-6 inches on the ground, and it was still coming down. The roads weren't too bad, as long as you were careful, and we stopped at the motel we would be staying in for the night. After unloading everything from the car and putting it in the room, I cranked up the heat (it was cold!) and we decided to see if we could find a Wal*Mart to get a couple of things I forgot to bring with us, along with some dinner. Well, we didn't find the Wal*Mart, because we took a wrong turn and ended up in the old "Route 66" part of Flagstaff. We ended up stopping at a Family*Dollar and made our purchases as quickly as possible, since it was after dark, and a sports car and slick roads do not mix well. Well, by the time we got back to the room, it was STILL cold!! I figured out that the heater was broken, and after switching rooms, we settled in for the evening and the snow kept falling while we slumbered.
The next morning, Jake comes barging into the room with breakfast from downstairs and announces that we'll be lucky to get out of there because he'd been up since 5 am (it was 8 by this time) and despite brushing the snow off the car then, it was now covered with another almost 4 inches, on top of what had been falling all night. There were also cars stuck at both the entrance and exit to the motel, and who knows when they'd get unstuck, and the manager was downstairs, cursing in a foreign language-panic was rampant. Trust me, it was a very dramatic moment. To make things worse, I was on my period and very emotional, so when I started to become weepy at the prospect of being stuck in Flagstaff for the rest of my vacation, Jake snapped at me, only making things worse. We went downstairs with my determination to dig us out, (damn it!!) and for me to eat breakfast while there was still any left. Jake at least had the foresight to turn our car around at 5 am, and park backwards in the space, to make it easier to get out. So, we proceeded to use the motel's snow shovel and got to digging! The snow was between 8-24 inches, depending on where the drifts were. But, by golly, we dug, and we got that car clear!! I'd already packed everything up to make for a quick exit, and we rushed downstairs with our bags, throwing them haphazardly into the back of the car. But before leaving I took these three photos from our room to prove how bad it got. Despite all of our hard work, we still weren't sure if we'd actually be able to make it out of the parking lot. I give total credit to Jake's driving skills for getting us out of there. Needless to say, we decided that the Grand Canyon trip was a bust. There was no way we'd safely make it up there.
However, this was not to be the end of our drama. Once on the freeway, the snow was still falling, and everyone was driving 20 mph down the mountain, in the middle of the road. Cars and trucks were off the road, where they had slid before coming to a stop. The trees and ground were covered, and the wind started picking up-blowing the snow even harder. It was a tense ride, but the further we descended down the mountain, the better the driving conditions became. Unfortunately, after we were about an hour away from the motel, I remembered that I had lent Jake my beloved (deceased) Papaw's pocket knife to open something with, and I didn't recall him giving it back. He said he had left it on the night stand, thinking I'd see it. Well, I didn't, and that meant that we had left it behind in our rush to flee the area before more snow could fall. I immediately burst into hysterical sobs, as this was the only physical thing I had left of my Papaw, and I was so mad at Jake I couldn't see straight. I finally came to my senses enough to call the motel and ask that if they found it, could they please hang on to it, until we came back through on our way home? The manager said he would, but my phone died from a bad cell area before I could give him my cell number. All we could do is cross our fingers, and hope the maid found it and turned it in. Since there was nothing we could do, we resolved to enjoy the rest of our vacation, and continued on to.......
Vegas, baby!!! VEGAS!!!!
(to be continued.......)
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Inappropriate Wedding Reception Songs
So, I was ruminating about nonsensical things, and I was thinking "What are some really inappropriate songs that I've heard at weddings?" Now, I'm not just talking about sexually-themed songs, but songs that may have the theme of "love" to them, but don't apply to the newly-wed. Here are some examples I've come up with (listed below), and I want all of you to reply to this-adding your own selections. Let's see what we can come up with! Bonus points if you've actually heard these at a wedding!!
1. "The Dance" by Garth Brooks (this song is about a couple that broke up, stupid!!)
2. "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion (Um, don't you remember that Jack DIED at the end?! Is that the thought you want to enter wedded bliss with?)
3. "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston (A good-bye song from a hooker, in the Dolly Parton version)
4. "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC (While I LOVE this song, I don't exactly want the image it conjures in the head of my parents before I head off for my wedding night...ewwww)
5. "I Know" by Jude (A song about a relationship with a lonely guy and an emotionally/physically insecure woman. It's a gorgeous song, but I thought it was an interesting "first dance" choice for my brother-in-law and his wife)
1. "The Dance" by Garth Brooks (this song is about a couple that broke up, stupid!!)
2. "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion (Um, don't you remember that Jack DIED at the end?! Is that the thought you want to enter wedded bliss with?)
3. "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston (A good-bye song from a hooker, in the Dolly Parton version)
4. "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC (While I LOVE this song, I don't exactly want the image it conjures in the head of my parents before I head off for my wedding night...ewwww)
5. "I Know" by Jude (A song about a relationship with a lonely guy and an emotionally/physically insecure woman. It's a gorgeous song, but I thought it was an interesting "first dance" choice for my brother-in-law and his wife)
Technical Difficulties *Updated*
***Ok, apparantly I'm an HTML idiot. I managed to fix the problem myself, thanks to some help on the Blogger forums. I was trying to upload a video of Prince's "When Doves Cry" for the "Tuesday Goodness" post. Well, I guess something was wrong w/the html or the link was too long for IE, and it not only caused my sidebar to drop to the bottom, but it made it so I couldn't even delete my posts. However, when I went into edit mode, and deleted the "blank box" that was in the posts, then republished-voila!! It worked! Not only could I delete my posts, but my sidebar was back on the side! Oh well, at least it's fixed now. I'm leaving this post up, in case any other Blogger user has a similar problem.***
I'm having Blogger issues with my posts (hence the 2 blank "Tuesday Goodness" posts below), so until the tech support people get back to me, installment #2 of my vacation adventures will have to wait.
In the meantime, I will try to do a funny post to keep you occupied.
Thanks for understanding!
I'm having Blogger issues with my posts (hence the 2 blank "Tuesday Goodness" posts below), so until the tech support people get back to me, installment #2 of my vacation adventures will have to wait.
In the meantime, I will try to do a funny post to keep you occupied.
Thanks for understanding!
Monday, April 03, 2006
The Long Awaited Vacation Post (Part I)
So, about my vacation--other than a couple of snags, it was everything I'd wanted it to be and more. Here are some of the highlights:
We started off heading west on I-40, going through western Oklahoma, the Texas Panhandle, and the New Mexico desert, before stopping for the night at a HoJo in Albuquerque. The room had a king sized bed, something Jake and I are not used to sleeping on, as we have a full size at home. Seeing as how we like to cuddle in our sleep, more than half the bed went to waste.
The next morning, we headed off to our next destination: Flagstaff, AZ, with a quick stop at the meteor crater in Winslow. Jake has always wanted to see the crater, ever since he saw "Starman" as a kid. First, we had to cross the Navajo reservation in NM. What a beautiful part of the country! We definitely felt we were in the "State of Enchantment". As we headed into the mountains, the temperature began to fall, as did the snow. By the time we reached this point, it was really coming down. Being the anal-retentive planner that I am, I was already expecting this and had prepared thusly by ensuring our coats were within easy reach, and that we had a blanket and supplies, "just in case". The roads were still pretty good at this point, and since we were descending down the mountain into Arizona, they only improved as we went along.
Considering that it is essentially a big hole in the ground, the Meteor Crater is, quite simply, an amazing sight to behold. To think that a giant piece of rock fell out of the sky from space to come hurtling down and slam into the Earth is an astounding thought. My photos of the Crater do not do it justice. The sheer enormity of its size is intimidating, and makes you leery of any other such catastrophes occurring in our lifetime. While we were at the Crater, a massive storm system was bearing down on us from the West, whipping up the wind and blowing snow everywhere. We were freezing our collective asses off while admiring the view, although it was completely worth it. For any of you considering checking out this natural wonder, I highly recommend that you do, however, please note that there is a charge to get in. We had to pay $15/person for the adult rate. Jake was slightly griping about the price, but I reminded him that this is the National Park Service we're talking about, and this poor, under-funded agency needs all the money it can get. All in all, despite the cold and the price, it was a great little stop along our way, and I would definitely go there again.
Next up: Flagstaff! Or: How The Heck Do We Dig Ourselves Out Of This Snow?!!
We started off heading west on I-40, going through western Oklahoma, the Texas Panhandle, and the New Mexico desert, before stopping for the night at a HoJo in Albuquerque. The room had a king sized bed, something Jake and I are not used to sleeping on, as we have a full size at home. Seeing as how we like to cuddle in our sleep, more than half the bed went to waste.
The next morning, we headed off to our next destination: Flagstaff, AZ, with a quick stop at the meteor crater in Winslow. Jake has always wanted to see the crater, ever since he saw "Starman" as a kid. First, we had to cross the Navajo reservation in NM. What a beautiful part of the country! We definitely felt we were in the "State of Enchantment". As we headed into the mountains, the temperature began to fall, as did the snow. By the time we reached this point, it was really coming down. Being the anal-retentive planner that I am, I was already expecting this and had prepared thusly by ensuring our coats were within easy reach, and that we had a blanket and supplies, "just in case". The roads were still pretty good at this point, and since we were descending down the mountain into Arizona, they only improved as we went along.
Considering that it is essentially a big hole in the ground, the Meteor Crater is, quite simply, an amazing sight to behold. To think that a giant piece of rock fell out of the sky from space to come hurtling down and slam into the Earth is an astounding thought. My photos of the Crater do not do it justice. The sheer enormity of its size is intimidating, and makes you leery of any other such catastrophes occurring in our lifetime. While we were at the Crater, a massive storm system was bearing down on us from the West, whipping up the wind and blowing snow everywhere. We were freezing our collective asses off while admiring the view, although it was completely worth it. For any of you considering checking out this natural wonder, I highly recommend that you do, however, please note that there is a charge to get in. We had to pay $15/person for the adult rate. Jake was slightly griping about the price, but I reminded him that this is the National Park Service we're talking about, and this poor, under-funded agency needs all the money it can get. All in all, despite the cold and the price, it was a great little stop along our way, and I would definitely go there again.
Next up: Flagstaff! Or: How The Heck Do We Dig Ourselves Out Of This Snow?!!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Programming Note...
Sorry, folks. As my good friend, Kellie, reminded me, I had promised a vacation update (with photos!) upon my return. Well, I've been back almost 2 weeks now, and have yet to fulfill that promise.
My work and personal life has been quite hectic these past 2 weeks, and I'm just now getting to upload some of my vacation photos (you can see them in my flickr account), but I promise (cross my heart, etc.) to have an update and photos up by Sunday. I have so much to share-stories, laughs, harrowing adventures-you won't want to miss it!
See you Sunday!
My work and personal life has been quite hectic these past 2 weeks, and I'm just now getting to upload some of my vacation photos (you can see them in my flickr account), but I promise (cross my heart, etc.) to have an update and photos up by Sunday. I have so much to share-stories, laughs, harrowing adventures-you won't want to miss it!
See you Sunday!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Vacation's All I Ever Wanted....
....vacation have to get away!!!!! (Don't you just love the Go-Go's?!)
As of tomorrow night, Jake and I are embarking on a 10 day road trip out west to see such sights as:
*The Grand Canyon!*
*Las Vegas!*
*Santa Barbara!*
AND...
*San Francisco!*
Exciting, no?
This is will be our first "real" vacation (visiting relatives so does not count) in the 8 years since our honeymoon trip to Disney World. Needless to say, we desperately need this downtime together. However, since we don't own a laptop, I will be unplugged from the world wide web for the duration of our trip, and cannot update you with tidbits from the road. However, I promise to post stories and pictures upon my return. In the meantime, if any of you is harboring "Aunt Flo" at your house, could you send her my way? She's 4 days late for her arrival, and according to Mr. Evil Pee Stick (whom I christened yesterday), there is no reason within my uterus (like, say, an embryo-ha, ha, ha...oh how funny!) for the delay. My fear is that she'll show up on the road, and with her will be her evil sister: Excruciating Cramps, and I'll have to seriously sedate myself in order to tolerate the pain. Oh Endo, what a bane to my existence you are! Just wait, I'll lap' you off this year-so there!
Anyway, so any good thoughts you could send our way for a safe trip, and minimal pain for me would be appreciated. See you on the flipside!
As of tomorrow night, Jake and I are embarking on a 10 day road trip out west to see such sights as:
*The Grand Canyon!*
*Las Vegas!*
*Santa Barbara!*
AND...
*San Francisco!*
Exciting, no?
This is will be our first "real" vacation (visiting relatives so does not count) in the 8 years since our honeymoon trip to Disney World. Needless to say, we desperately need this downtime together. However, since we don't own a laptop, I will be unplugged from the world wide web for the duration of our trip, and cannot update you with tidbits from the road. However, I promise to post stories and pictures upon my return. In the meantime, if any of you is harboring "Aunt Flo" at your house, could you send her my way? She's 4 days late for her arrival, and according to Mr. Evil Pee Stick (whom I christened yesterday), there is no reason within my uterus (like, say, an embryo-ha, ha, ha...oh how funny!) for the delay. My fear is that she'll show up on the road, and with her will be her evil sister: Excruciating Cramps, and I'll have to seriously sedate myself in order to tolerate the pain. Oh Endo, what a bane to my existence you are! Just wait, I'll lap' you off this year-so there!
Anyway, so any good thoughts you could send our way for a safe trip, and minimal pain for me would be appreciated. See you on the flipside!
A Chance To Make A Difference
I was just reading this week's issue of People magazine, and came across an article about the Millennium Promise project run by Dr. Jeffrey Sachs. The goal of the project, in conjunction with the UN, is to end worldwide poverty by 2025.
The program is trying to elminate poverty one village at a time. To some, this may be a lofty goal, but when you read about a 6 year old boy who died of a severe case of malaria for lack of a medicine that would cost only $1.20 per person, you may change your mind.
The plight of Africa is one that haunts me. In this world of prosperity for so many, it is an overwhelming tradgedy that Africans are dying by the thousands every day. Not only from the AIDS epidemic, but from the simplest of diseases, like malaria, and from lack of food and clean water-all things we take for granted every day. It breaks my heart to read these stories. I feel so helpless, yet there is something simple I, and you, can do. The Project is asking for a $50 annual donation to help reach its goal of $300,000 a year for the 5 years it will take to lift a village of 5,000 out of poverty. Now, I don't know about you, but I can blow $50 on one trip to Wal-Mart or Target, just on useless junk. $50 is not too much to ask to save the lives of thousands, in my opinion, and I will gladly give it. I know there are so many homeless and impoverished people here in America that we should all help as well, but at least here in the US we have social programs that (while terribly underfunded) are in place to begin the process of giving a hand up to those in need. I fully advocate helping the poor in America-I was once homeless in my childhood- and will definitely post more on that later, but this story struck a chord in me that I can't ignore.
I encourage all of you to pick up a copy of this week's People (with Sheryl Crow on the cover), and read the story for yourself. If you find yourself as moved as I was, please visit the Millennium Promise site here and contribute if you are able.
I leave you with my favorite quote: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Mahatma Ghandi, and a wish for a better tomorrow.
The program is trying to elminate poverty one village at a time. To some, this may be a lofty goal, but when you read about a 6 year old boy who died of a severe case of malaria for lack of a medicine that would cost only $1.20 per person, you may change your mind.
The plight of Africa is one that haunts me. In this world of prosperity for so many, it is an overwhelming tradgedy that Africans are dying by the thousands every day. Not only from the AIDS epidemic, but from the simplest of diseases, like malaria, and from lack of food and clean water-all things we take for granted every day. It breaks my heart to read these stories. I feel so helpless, yet there is something simple I, and you, can do. The Project is asking for a $50 annual donation to help reach its goal of $300,000 a year for the 5 years it will take to lift a village of 5,000 out of poverty. Now, I don't know about you, but I can blow $50 on one trip to Wal-Mart or Target, just on useless junk. $50 is not too much to ask to save the lives of thousands, in my opinion, and I will gladly give it. I know there are so many homeless and impoverished people here in America that we should all help as well, but at least here in the US we have social programs that (while terribly underfunded) are in place to begin the process of giving a hand up to those in need. I fully advocate helping the poor in America-I was once homeless in my childhood- and will definitely post more on that later, but this story struck a chord in me that I can't ignore.
I encourage all of you to pick up a copy of this week's People (with Sheryl Crow on the cover), and read the story for yourself. If you find yourself as moved as I was, please visit the Millennium Promise site here and contribute if you are able.
I leave you with my favorite quote: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Mahatma Ghandi, and a wish for a better tomorrow.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Bigger Than A BJ
As some of you may now know, the AP has released a video showing that the President knew damn well the scope of devastation that would occur in the wake of Katrina a full 24 hours before the hurricane hit. What astonishes me is not that this incompetent, bumbling fool did nothing, (because hey, if America coming under terrorist attack didn't provoke him into action, then why would a natural disaster?) but that everyone isn't screaming for his head, the way they did Clinton's. All Clinton did was get a blow job from an intern-he didn't allow his extremely poor judgment contribute to the deaths and devastation of thousands of innocent lives.
How much longer are we going to allow this man, and his Administration drag America down into an abyss of shame, inaptitude, and fear? When will someone stand up and hold him accountable for his actions? Why is receiving sexual gratification (albeit inappropriately) from an intern worse than this? If Clinton had acted in the same egotistical, reckless manner that Bush has displayed, then I would've been one of the first to call for his head on a platter (and this is coming from someone who loves me some Bill).
I encourage each of you out there to contact your Senators and Members of Congress and tell them that America won't stand for this any more! Tell them to make Bush accountable for his (in)actions, the way they held Clinton accountable for his. By not speaking out, and standing by idly, we are giving Bush permission to continue down this destructive path for the remainder of his term. America, let's grow some BALLS and do the right thing!
How much longer are we going to allow this man, and his Administration drag America down into an abyss of shame, inaptitude, and fear? When will someone stand up and hold him accountable for his actions? Why is receiving sexual gratification (albeit inappropriately) from an intern worse than this? If Clinton had acted in the same egotistical, reckless manner that Bush has displayed, then I would've been one of the first to call for his head on a platter (and this is coming from someone who loves me some Bill).
I encourage each of you out there to contact your Senators and Members of Congress and tell them that America won't stand for this any more! Tell them to make Bush accountable for his (in)actions, the way they held Clinton accountable for his. By not speaking out, and standing by idly, we are giving Bush permission to continue down this destructive path for the remainder of his term. America, let's grow some BALLS and do the right thing!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Happiness Is Low Approval Rating
This made my otherwise blah day bright. Ahhh... *smile*
Is everyone waking up yet? Do you finally get what "we" (and by "we" I mean the "dreaded Liberals") have been saying about this moron for the past 6 years?
Remember folks, mid-term elections are this November! Cast your vote and let your voice be heard! Every vote counts and you can help turn the tide of our country, and undo all the bad that's been done.
(Thanks to erinberry for the link!)
Is everyone waking up yet? Do you finally get what "we" (and by "we" I mean the "dreaded Liberals") have been saying about this moron for the past 6 years?
Remember folks, mid-term elections are this November! Cast your vote and let your voice be heard! Every vote counts and you can help turn the tide of our country, and undo all the bad that's been done.
(Thanks to erinberry for the link!)
Monday, February 27, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Feeling "The Funk"
And I'm not talking about a George Clinton and Parliament kind of funk.
Once again, I'm going through one of my "downer" phases, always related to my infertility struggle. The older I get, the worse it gets, because I feel like time is running out for me. I know, I'm only 28, and others, like my friend Kellie, are in their 40's and having children, so I shouldn't give up hope. But, just like I always had the overwhelming sense that I would have fertility problems, I know that if I don't conceive via IVF by the time I'm 32-33, it's not gonna happen for me, and that makes me incredibly sad. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
Please, don't think I'm bashing on adoption, or that I'm not even considering it, I am. It's just that for us, we feel the need to at least try IVF before being able to emotionally let go of our biological urge to procreate and move on to adoption. I think adoption is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and I've known a lot of people to take this route when creating a family, and they are extremely happy with their decision. I wish I could do the same, but for whatever reason, I have this overwhelming need to carry life within me, and give birth to that life. Therein lies the difference. I know I am fully capable of loving and accepting an adopted child no differently than a biological one, but I would regret not trying IVF for the rest of my life if we didn't take that step. I would forever play the "what if" game.
I was watching "Parenthood" last night on cable. I really love that movie, but it left me feeling so, so, sad. Watching the interactions of the parents with the kids, and all the drama that having a family entails, yet all the love at the same time, is so touching. The movie reiterated just how badly I want Jake and I to be parents. I know he'll make such a fabulous father, and I'm sure I'll be a great mom. It breaks my heart that we're having to go through this. That any of us have to. It sucks, sucks, SUCKS!!!
So, while I'm going through this "phase" I'll be in "cocoon" mode, where I insulate myself from the world for awhile, at least until I can get a better grip on my emotions. I hope to be back soon. Thanks for understanding.
(PS: I've re-opened the comments section again.)
Once again, I'm going through one of my "downer" phases, always related to my infertility struggle. The older I get, the worse it gets, because I feel like time is running out for me. I know, I'm only 28, and others, like my friend Kellie, are in their 40's and having children, so I shouldn't give up hope. But, just like I always had the overwhelming sense that I would have fertility problems, I know that if I don't conceive via IVF by the time I'm 32-33, it's not gonna happen for me, and that makes me incredibly sad. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
Please, don't think I'm bashing on adoption, or that I'm not even considering it, I am. It's just that for us, we feel the need to at least try IVF before being able to emotionally let go of our biological urge to procreate and move on to adoption. I think adoption is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and I've known a lot of people to take this route when creating a family, and they are extremely happy with their decision. I wish I could do the same, but for whatever reason, I have this overwhelming need to carry life within me, and give birth to that life. Therein lies the difference. I know I am fully capable of loving and accepting an adopted child no differently than a biological one, but I would regret not trying IVF for the rest of my life if we didn't take that step. I would forever play the "what if" game.
I was watching "Parenthood" last night on cable. I really love that movie, but it left me feeling so, so, sad. Watching the interactions of the parents with the kids, and all the drama that having a family entails, yet all the love at the same time, is so touching. The movie reiterated just how badly I want Jake and I to be parents. I know he'll make such a fabulous father, and I'm sure I'll be a great mom. It breaks my heart that we're having to go through this. That any of us have to. It sucks, sucks, SUCKS!!!
So, while I'm going through this "phase" I'll be in "cocoon" mode, where I insulate myself from the world for awhile, at least until I can get a better grip on my emotions. I hope to be back soon. Thanks for understanding.
(PS: I've re-opened the comments section again.)
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
For Your Consideration...
Here are some entertainment bits that I've currently enjoyed, and thought I'd pass along:
Movies:
Glory RoadFor 2 reasons:
1. Josh Lucas es muy caliente*! (*very hot, I mean, did you see him in Sweet Home Alabama?!)
2. I have a serious weakness for sports movies. I guess it's that whole, "Underdog team comes from behind to win the game, but not before learning some very important life lesson along the way" kind of thing. Who knows? Either way, I always tear up at some point during the film.
Hustle & FlowBecause, "You know it's hard out here for a pimp", for real yo. (Now nominated for 2 Oscars: Best Actor: Terrance Howard, Best Original Song: "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp"!! See, it's a quality film-the Academy even says so!)
Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife by Linda Berdoll
James Blunt - Back to Bedlam
Books:
Mr. Darcy Takes A Wife by Linda BerdollA sort of "sequel" to Pride and Prejudice, it tells the story of what happens after the wedding of Darcy and Elizabeth. I love this book and am reading it for the second time. However, most JA "purists" do not like this book, because it is chock-full of "coital" scenes, like a romance novel.
Music:
James Blunt - Back to Bedlam"You're Beautiful" is hauntingly beautiful, indeed.
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" is a fun, upbeat ditty.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Need I Say More?
Read this article and then have the nerve to ask me again why I don't believe in God.
Bitches like this are allowed to breed kids left and right, yet I'm not even able to conceive one child!? Tell me, where's God in that?
If there is a God, then he's an asshole for allowing shit like this to happen. I used to think things happened for a reason, now I see just that "shit happens". There is no reason, or why, or mystic/religious how behind it. It just is, and it sucks.
*Rant Over*
Bitches like this are allowed to breed kids left and right, yet I'm not even able to conceive one child!? Tell me, where's God in that?
If there is a God, then he's an asshole for allowing shit like this to happen. I used to think things happened for a reason, now I see just that "shit happens". There is no reason, or why, or mystic/religious how behind it. It just is, and it sucks.
*Rant Over*
It Was The Worst Of Times...
My very best friend, Aimee (whose pictures you can see in my flickr account), a wonderful, kind, sweet, giving, 25 year old, has suffered what appears to be a stroke.
Yesterday, at lunch, she and I went to the blood drive in our building to do our part. I was declined to donate, because I currently have a nasty case of bronchitis and am on antibiotics. I hung around to wait while Aimee gave blood, and to keep her company. After swabbing her arm with iodine, and before inserting the needle, I saw Aimee give me a funny look, then turn to talk to the nurse. I saw the nurse call over another, and then saw them put away the tubes and collection bag. I walked over to see what was happening, and Aimee told me (in a very slurred voice) that she didn't "feel right". The nurse asked if this was how she always talked and I told her "no". Then, I noticed that the right side of Aimee's mouth was drooping. So I asked Aimee to smile, and when she could only smile with the left side of her mouth, I knew something serious was going on. "Stroke" immediately entered my mind, but I dismissed it, because Aimee is not in a high risk category, and she was fine a few minutes before. The nurse called over her supervisor, who then called the on-call Dr. on her cell. The Dr. said that she should see her Dr., but that it was probably nervousness from donating. The nurses kept taking Aimee's blood pressure, and were trying to keep her calm, as was I. In the meantime, she was deteriorating to the point where she had weakness on her entire right side. She could barely move her limbs in that side and felt a "tingling" sensation in her right hand. I called her grandmother (who is our boss) to come up, and by the time she arrived, the decision had been made to take her to the ER. After I had to come back up to our office (leaving Aimee w/her grandmother), the decision to transport her via ambulance had been made. At the hospital, Aimee underwent a CT scan, and numerous other tests, but nothing came of it. She is now at the Dr.'s office, who will hopefully be able to shed some light on this mystery. She is still having problems with weakness, and some slurred speech, which continues to make me think she's had a stroke.
Needless to say, I am beside myself with worry. How can something like this happen to a perfectly normal, healthy, almost-26 year old woman? I feel so completely helpless, and don't know what to do with myself. I know all I can do is be there for her, and support her, no matter what happens. I guess this just drives home the point that anything can happen to any of us, at anytime. You never know. And that's what makes me most scared of all.....
*Updated to add: I've spoken with Aimee's grandmother (my boss), who has confirmed via the Dr., that she has indeed suffered a mild stroke. The Dr. is very optimistic that thanks to her age and health, she'll recover quickly. He even expressed that he thinks she'll regain full use of her right arm/hand within the next 10 days or so. She has to undergo physical therapy everyday, and is on various medications, including blood thinners. She'll have an MRI, echocardiogram, and ultrasound next Wednesday to see if they can determine not only what caused the stroke, but see if there is any permanent damage.*
Yesterday, at lunch, she and I went to the blood drive in our building to do our part. I was declined to donate, because I currently have a nasty case of bronchitis and am on antibiotics. I hung around to wait while Aimee gave blood, and to keep her company. After swabbing her arm with iodine, and before inserting the needle, I saw Aimee give me a funny look, then turn to talk to the nurse. I saw the nurse call over another, and then saw them put away the tubes and collection bag. I walked over to see what was happening, and Aimee told me (in a very slurred voice) that she didn't "feel right". The nurse asked if this was how she always talked and I told her "no". Then, I noticed that the right side of Aimee's mouth was drooping. So I asked Aimee to smile, and when she could only smile with the left side of her mouth, I knew something serious was going on. "Stroke" immediately entered my mind, but I dismissed it, because Aimee is not in a high risk category, and she was fine a few minutes before. The nurse called over her supervisor, who then called the on-call Dr. on her cell. The Dr. said that she should see her Dr., but that it was probably nervousness from donating. The nurses kept taking Aimee's blood pressure, and were trying to keep her calm, as was I. In the meantime, she was deteriorating to the point where she had weakness on her entire right side. She could barely move her limbs in that side and felt a "tingling" sensation in her right hand. I called her grandmother (who is our boss) to come up, and by the time she arrived, the decision had been made to take her to the ER. After I had to come back up to our office (leaving Aimee w/her grandmother), the decision to transport her via ambulance had been made. At the hospital, Aimee underwent a CT scan, and numerous other tests, but nothing came of it. She is now at the Dr.'s office, who will hopefully be able to shed some light on this mystery. She is still having problems with weakness, and some slurred speech, which continues to make me think she's had a stroke.
Needless to say, I am beside myself with worry. How can something like this happen to a perfectly normal, healthy, almost-26 year old woman? I feel so completely helpless, and don't know what to do with myself. I know all I can do is be there for her, and support her, no matter what happens. I guess this just drives home the point that anything can happen to any of us, at anytime. You never know. And that's what makes me most scared of all.....
*Updated to add: I've spoken with Aimee's grandmother (my boss), who has confirmed via the Dr., that she has indeed suffered a mild stroke. The Dr. is very optimistic that thanks to her age and health, she'll recover quickly. He even expressed that he thinks she'll regain full use of her right arm/hand within the next 10 days or so. She has to undergo physical therapy everyday, and is on various medications, including blood thinners. She'll have an MRI, echocardiogram, and ultrasound next Wednesday to see if they can determine not only what caused the stroke, but see if there is any permanent damage.*
Monday, January 23, 2006
Just When IS Someday, Anyway?
(Disclaimer: This post would fall under that "Incoherent Ramblings" category I speak of in my header...)
I really am tired of waiting for someday. You know, "someday" we'll be able to afford a vacation, "someday" I'll freakin' graduate, "someday" we'll buy a house, "someday" we'll be able to have kids. I hate "someday", because "someday" never comes, or at least not fast enough for me (I of the persistently impatient nature).
It seems that "someday" seems to be dicated by something else I can't stand: "money" or, "lack thereof". See, even when that "someday" arrives when I graduate, or even when Jake graduates, we'll be in debt up to our eyeballs with our student loans. So, by the time we're somewhat financially stable, will I even have eggs that are worth a shit to try IVF?!?
I know we're trying, dammit; we're trying as hard as we can to make a better life for ourselves, but I've already waited 7 years for my child, and I'm getting sick of the continued wait. We are going be fabulous parents, fabulous I tell ya! We have so much bottled up love from waiting for said child, that they may OD on our joyous attention. Poor kid, we're gonna smother it with love.
It just kills me to look at my husband, the man I love more than breathing, and to envision him holding our baby in his arms, and knowing that that fantasy is so far off in the future that it seems impossible to come true. He's so great with kids, I know he's going to make a fantastic father, #1 DAD shirts and all that jazz. Now, I have the added pressure of knowing my in-laws are finally into the whole grandparent idea, and they're ready to see some grandchildren! Of course, they know all about our fertility issues, we're totally "out" to everyone about IF, but just knowing that they want us to have kids just as much as we want to is even more of a burden.
Alright, alright, I'm making no sense now, guess I just needed to vent. I'll post more coherently interesting stories later.....
I really am tired of waiting for someday. You know, "someday" we'll be able to afford a vacation, "someday" I'll freakin' graduate, "someday" we'll buy a house, "someday" we'll be able to have kids. I hate "someday", because "someday" never comes, or at least not fast enough for me (I of the persistently impatient nature).
It seems that "someday" seems to be dicated by something else I can't stand: "money" or, "lack thereof". See, even when that "someday" arrives when I graduate, or even when Jake graduates, we'll be in debt up to our eyeballs with our student loans. So, by the time we're somewhat financially stable, will I even have eggs that are worth a shit to try IVF?!?
I know we're trying, dammit; we're trying as hard as we can to make a better life for ourselves, but I've already waited 7 years for my child, and I'm getting sick of the continued wait. We are going be fabulous parents, fabulous I tell ya! We have so much bottled up love from waiting for said child, that they may OD on our joyous attention. Poor kid, we're gonna smother it with love.
It just kills me to look at my husband, the man I love more than breathing, and to envision him holding our baby in his arms, and knowing that that fantasy is so far off in the future that it seems impossible to come true. He's so great with kids, I know he's going to make a fantastic father, #1 DAD shirts and all that jazz. Now, I have the added pressure of knowing my in-laws are finally into the whole grandparent idea, and they're ready to see some grandchildren! Of course, they know all about our fertility issues, we're totally "out" to everyone about IF, but just knowing that they want us to have kids just as much as we want to is even more of a burden.
Alright, alright, I'm making no sense now, guess I just needed to vent. I'll post more coherently interesting stories later.....
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Post To Bring You This Important Announcement:
Hey everyone!
I received this email from MoveOn.org, and signed the petition. If you agree with me that the Administration has gone too far, please feel free to follow the link below and add your voice to mine and countless others. I'm normally not a petition-y kind of person, but this one is definitely worthwhile. Let's hope it makes a difference!
PS: If you live in Oklahoma, be sure to support Gov. Brad Henry in his bid for re-election. Gov. Henry is a great man, who has not only fulfilled his campaign promises, but has made our State a better place to live during his term. Don't let assholes like Earnest Istook win and take our State back to the Dark Ages.
Also, don't forget that there are very important mid-term elections this year! Let's make a difference in November! Get out the vote and let your voice be heard! Politics in action, baby! Yeah!
Subject: The President Broke the Law
Hi,
President Bush admitted to personally authorizing thousands of allegedly illegal wiretaps, and he doesn't plan to stop. Circumventing the Constitution is serious business.
This is a big moment. People from across the political spectrum are standing together to protect the rule of law and the principles that are core to our identity as Americans.
Can you sign this petition to show Congress that Americans want a thorough investigation of the president's secret wiretapping program?http://political.moveon.org/ruleoflaw/
Thanks!
I received this email from MoveOn.org, and signed the petition. If you agree with me that the Administration has gone too far, please feel free to follow the link below and add your voice to mine and countless others. I'm normally not a petition-y kind of person, but this one is definitely worthwhile. Let's hope it makes a difference!
PS: If you live in Oklahoma, be sure to support Gov. Brad Henry in his bid for re-election. Gov. Henry is a great man, who has not only fulfilled his campaign promises, but has made our State a better place to live during his term. Don't let assholes like Earnest Istook win and take our State back to the Dark Ages.
Also, don't forget that there are very important mid-term elections this year! Let's make a difference in November! Get out the vote and let your voice be heard! Politics in action, baby! Yeah!
Subject: The President Broke the Law
Hi,
President Bush admitted to personally authorizing thousands of allegedly illegal wiretaps, and he doesn't plan to stop. Circumventing the Constitution is serious business.
This is a big moment. People from across the political spectrum are standing together to protect the rule of law and the principles that are core to our identity as Americans.
Can you sign this petition to show Congress that Americans want a thorough investigation of the president's secret wiretapping program?http://political.moveon.org/ruleoflaw/
Thanks!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
I Hate Angelina Jolie
Not because I'm on Team Aniston or some other such bullshit. Nope, I hate her for this reason. It's not bad enough that: a) She's a fabulously wealthy, Oscar winning, beautiful actress, b) she has been lucky enough to adopt not one but two gorgeous children, as well as, c) she gets to see Brad Pitt naked whenever she wants. Now, she has to put icing on that cake and go and get herself knocked up! Damn it! I truly wish she and Brad and their little family all the best, but I shall seethe with jealousy while parlaying my good wishes through gritted teeth.
On another celebrity baby-watch note: the word is Courtney Cox and David Arquette are once again undergoing IVF in order to provide baby Coco with a sibling. I say good for them! It's nice when celebrities come out with their fertility struggles. While I understand the need for privacy, especially with something so personal as infertility, we've all seen how celebrities can bring the spotlight to many medical issues. By "coming out" about their inferitlity, so to speak, stars like Cox and Brooke Sheilds (but not YOU Julia Roberts, you still insist that twins run in your family...yeah right), help to ease the stigma of infertility and help the public understand the struggle couples undergo in pursuit of building a family.
On another celebrity baby-watch note: the word is Courtney Cox and David Arquette are once again undergoing IVF in order to provide baby Coco with a sibling. I say good for them! It's nice when celebrities come out with their fertility struggles. While I understand the need for privacy, especially with something so personal as infertility, we've all seen how celebrities can bring the spotlight to many medical issues. By "coming out" about their inferitlity, so to speak, stars like Cox and Brooke Sheilds (but not YOU Julia Roberts, you still insist that twins run in your family...yeah right), help to ease the stigma of infertility and help the public understand the struggle couples undergo in pursuit of building a family.
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