Do Overs?

My friend Aitch asks: "If you could go back [10 years], what would you tell yourself?" Great question. Here's what I said:

I’d definitely go back in time and tell myself:

1) Stop being so effing dramatic-it’s stupid and tiresome.

2) Get your finances in order!! Avoid huge amounts of debt later in life this way!

3) GO TO COLLEGE!!

4) Stop spending money on birth control, you don’t need it, you’re both infertile!! Take that money and pay off bills!!

5) Don’t depend on your mother for *anything*. She will consistantly let you down. Also, don’t let her steal your wedding photos, and take ALOT longer in planning your wedding, so it can be the one you’ve dreamed of, not the shitfest it was.

6) Your boyfriend (now hubby) loves you. More than life itself. Get some self-esteem and stop doubting it. He will spend the rest of his life with you, and you’ll never regret it.

7) Keep a clean house!! You’re a pig!!

8) Learn to let shit slide. Really, every little thing doesn’t have to get blown out of proportion and turn into a screaming match.

9) For God’s sake, you’re thin now!!! Stop eating junk, you’ll get really, really, REALLY fat if you don’t start working out now!!

10) Your boyfriend’s parents (my in-laws) like you, they just wish you’d stop being so dramatic. They’ll really love you later, and you’ll love them back.

Wow, guess there’s a lot I would change. But, that’s maturity for you!

How I Spent My Saturday

Taking photos in the park of my sisters, nephew and BFF, Aimee:

Trinity

Stacia

Cassidy

Caleb

Aimee

"Love Song"

For Love Thursday:
I absolutely love this photo from my wedding. It was taken as we were walking back down the aisle after being pronounced husband and wife. Yes, my dress was too long, and we had to carry it to keep me from tripping, but that imperfection could not ruin the fact that we were really, and finally married. The look of joy on our faces, especially the way my husband is looking at me, reminds me constantly, even on the worst of days, how much we love each other. I wouldn't trade that love for anything. He is my heart, my soul, my world. No one understands me the way he does, no one knows my little quirks, the pieces that make me who I really am, like him. We've been married for 8 years, together for 11, and we have a lifetime to go. I love you, baby.

Happy Love Thursday, everyone!

Love Song
By The Cure
BestAudioCodes.com

Ode to Autumn

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!

Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;

Conspiring with him how to load and bless

With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;

To bend with apples the mossed cottage-trees,

And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;

To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells

With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,

And still more, later flowers for the bees,

Until they think warm days will never cease,

For Summer has o'erbrimmed their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?

Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find

Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,

Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;

Or on a half-reaped furrow sound asleep,

Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook

Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers;

And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep

Steady thy laden head across a brook;

Or by a cider-press, with patient look,

Thou watchest the last oozings, hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring?

Ay, where are they?

Think not of them, thou hast thy music too, -

While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day

And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;

Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mournAmong the river sallows, borne aloft

Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;

And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;

Hedge-crickets sing, and now with treble soft

The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft;

And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

John Keats

5 Years Ago (A Memory)

This is so hard to type without tearing up-the memories of that day are as fresh in my mind as if it were yesterday, and not 5 years ago.

On that beautiful morning, I was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. Stumbling into the living room of our 1 bedroom apartment, I picked up the phone to hear my mother sobbing hysterically on the other end. Thinking something had happened to one of my grandparents, I asked what was wrong. I remember her choking out that planes had hit the World Trade Centers.....and the Pentagon. Terrorists were attacking America.

My heart dropped to my stomach. My husband's father and brother both worked in the Pentagon.

A low wail and the sounds of me screaming "NO! NO! Dear God NO!!" summoned Jake to my side. Knowing that there was no way I relate this life-altering information to my husband, I numbly handed the phone to him so that my mother could be the one to tell him that his father and brother could very well be injured or dead. I immediately clicked on the t.v., and the images of the Towers, with smoke pouring out of them will haunt me forever. (I still cannot view those images without bursting into tears.)

The full enormity of the situation was just starting to sink in, and we frantically tried to call his family, but all the lines were tied up. We sat and watched and waited to hear the news, all the while desperately watching for any view of the Pentagon where we could see where the planes had hit, because Jake knew where his father's office was located. I was pretty convinced that the side that was hit was not where his dad's office was, but that still was not reassuring. Especially since his brother (and friends he'd made while working there) could be anywhere on a tech call.

For over five hours we waited, still trying to get through on the line when, finally, after dialing for the millionth time, the phone rang and Jake's stepmother answered to give us the news we'd been waiting to hear: they were both ok. To say that we were elated does not even begin to describe what we felt that day.

Despite the horror of watching the Towers fall, and knowing how many people would lose their lives that day, we were overjoyed knowing that the loss would not be ours to bear. Our thoughts turned to our friends in DC and NY, thankfully, as we later found out, all of whom were ok as well. I know we are extraordinarily lucky-knowing as many people in those locations, and none of whom were lost. My heart still aches for those who were not as fortunate as we were.

Just a few months ago, Jake and I sat down and finally watched the made for t.v. movie/documentary about United 93. I had DVR'ed it on 9/11 last year, but could not bring myself to watch it at the time. We sat and watched, both of sobbing throughout most of the picture. We are both still greatly affected by the images and sounds of that fateful day. I wish I could find a way to have peace in my heart about it, but it's too hard right now, even five years later. This is the second act of terrorism I had lived through. As you may know, I live in Oklahoma City, and was supposed to be *in* the Murrah Building at 9 am when that bomb went off. 11 years later, I am still emotionally scarred. My office window looks out over the Memorial site. And while I'm more peaceful now than I was before about that time, it still bothers me when April 19th rolls around. Now, I have another date to add to my collective dread-September 11.

My heart and mind and loving thoughts are with all Americans today, especially those who suffered a loss in New York, Pennsylvania, and DC. You are forever in my heart....

Feliz Cuatro de Julio!

Hey everybody! Have a happy, safe, fun-filled 4th! I'll be at my brother's house, doing the typical American traditional thing: swimming, eating grilled hamburgers and hotdogs, watching fireworks at the park, and singing patriotic songs that make me teary-eyed and remind me why I still love my country, even though I may not like the direction it's going in. I also love any occasion where I can spend time with my family, and get paid for not coming to work! Win-win all around! See you Wednesday!